Writing Fanfiction isn't the best outlet for creativity
by fdsa4321
Summary: Kagura gets a laptop from Princess Soyo as a gift! However, she stumbles upon the world of Fanfiction! All hell breaks loose, with many going insane, and even Sorachi gets involved! Inspired by TheMuseumOfJeanette's Bleach Fanfic, "Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary." Update 6: We're nearing the end of this tale.
1. Use proper grammar when writing

"Gin-chan! Look what Soyo got me!" exclaimed Kagura as she rushed into the living room of Odd Jobs. "It's a Laptop! It looks pretty cool, right?"

Gin gave her his usual disinterested look, and said "Oi, try not to stumble upon a virus or a pedophile or something." However, he realized that now that there was a laptop in his house, that he didn't need all of his erotic magazines and videos, since he could just find them online. Gin grabbed a trash bag, and quickly ran to his room to gather all of his pornography as fast and as inconspicuously as possible, so he could sell it to an erotic shop to make some extra money. (For Pachinko, of course!)

"Gin-chan, why do you have a trash bag? It's not even trash day yet." said Kagura, as Gin walked out of his room with said trash bag.

"It's never too early to dispose of trash, ehehehe…" replied Gin, nervously. Despite his demeanor shouting "Suspicious!", Kagura bought the explanation, and went off to browse the internet on her new laptop. Gin quickly ran outside, and made his way to the nearest erotic shop that he could find.

When Gin got back (with approximately 2550円 earned from selling his porn), Kagura was on the laptop, looking confused.

"Uh, Gin-chan? You miiiiiiight want to take a look at this site…." Gin looked at the url of the site.

" , huh? Isn't this the place where teenage girls write about guys kissing each other and getting pregnant?" asked Gin.

"I don't know, but I found a bunch of stories about us," replied Kagura. "Here's the one that I was just about to read."

 _ **Odd Jobs sAVES the Day**_

"Huh, what a surprisingly bland title," said Gin.

 **By Koolkid420**

"That kid doesn't seem cool, judging from his name…."

 **Synopsis: Odd Jobs fites a big amanto and saves kabukicho nd edo. Read and review plz.**

"I don't think that ever happened, not since that fight with that Renho Mothership," said Kagura.

 **It was a boring day at odd jobs. Gin was lat with rent as usual. Shinpachi was weering his glases. Kagura was eating some seeweed.**

"No shit, Sherlock!" exclaimed Gin. "That's pretty much every day here!"

" **I'm so bored" sed kagura. "I kno rite?" said shinpaci. "I wish tht we had sumthin to do" sad Gin. All of a suden, a big amato attaked. It killed teh shinsengumi and joy rebeles.**

"This guy sucks at spelling. How the hell does he even function?"

" **oh shiiit" sed shinpaci as he shitted his hakama (AN: Hakama is Jpanese clothes).**

"Classic Shinpachi," said Kagura.

 **Kagua screamed "oh no!" and began to cry.**

"Oh come on! I'd probably kick that thing's ass in a minute!"

 **Luckilt, gin jumped nd beat up thw monster with his sword, nd saved the day! Aftr, he made out with otae and tsukyo and sachan and even kubei!**

BAM! Kagura shoved Gin's face into the floor. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, YOU FUCKING FOUR TIMER!" she shouted at the bleeding mass of flesh that was Gin's face. "I NEVER DID ANY OF THIS SHIT! IT'S CALLED FAN FICTION! **FAN FICTION!** " shouted Gin, who was in major pain.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

"Good Morning!" said Shinpachi, as he walked into the Odd Jobs building, but as soon as he saw Kagura beating the shit out of Gin, he knew it was going to be one of **those** days.


	2. No one is perfect, especially you

Shinpachi walked into Odd Jobs, ignoring the fact that Gin was getting the shit beaten out of him by Kagura, and proceeded to place the groceries that he had bought on the table. Despite being preoccupied with the new Otsu song, 大きいチ◯コを食べましょう (Let's eat a Big D***), he was eventually unable to ignore Gin's pleas for help.

"Kagura-chan," he said. "Why are you beating the shit out of Gin-san?"

"Because, he's a damn four timer! He made out with Boss Lady, Kyu-chan, Sacchan, and Tsukki!" Kagura replied.

"No way, Gin-san isn't like that. He's not even interested in any of them," replied Shinpachi.

However, Kagura was adamant that Gin was in fact, a manwhore. "Look at this," she said, showing him the laptop. "It said that Gin made out with all of them after beating up a huge monster!"

"Huh, I don't remember any of that happening," replied Shinpachi. "It's gotta be fake."

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!" exclaimed the exasperated (and bloody) Gin. "IT'S FAN FICITION! WHERE TEENAGE GIRLS WRITE ABOUT MEN KISSING EACH OTHER, AND GETTING PREGNANT WITH THE CHILDREN OF OTHER MEN!"

"WELL APPARENTLY IT'S ALSO WHERE PEOPLE WRITE ABOUT YOU BEING A DAMN MANWHORE, TOO!" replied Kagura.

"Guys, guys, calm down," said Shinpachi. "I'll read a fanfiction, and I'll see what I think. Hey, I think I found a good one!"

 **The Newest Member of the Yorozuya**

"Huh, I only recall there being the three of us, plus Sadaharu."

 **By PunishMeOkita3**

"God, what kind of sick and depraved person would want to be punished by him, of all people?" said Kagura.

"Sacchan, probably," said Gin. "We should put them on a ship westward and hope that they don't produce a new species of perverted weirdos."

 **A new girl had moved to Kabuki-cho, and she was perfect. She had Golden Hair, Purple Eyes, as well as 32F Breasts and an hourglass figure.**

"HOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT I WANT HER IN ODD JOBS NOW!" exclaimed Gin. He was met by a collective slap in the face by Kagura and Shinpachi.

 **She made women like Tsukuyo and Tae look like Catherine.**

A collective snicker was heard in the room.

 **All the girls wanted to be like her, and all the guys just wanted to fuck her.**

"I can see why," said Gin, and once again, he was met by a collective slap in the face by Kagura and Shinpachi.

 **Her name was Meagan Diamond Golden Perfectness Ocean Mugen Godess Justice Silver Bankai Ultra Kinniku-Buster Neo-Armstrong-Cannon Breasts Pussy Chidori Rasengan Neon-Genesis-Evangelion Omega-Ruby Alpha-Sapphire make-Pokemon-Z-already-Nintendo Ebony Darkness Raven Light Yagami Mary-Sue Everlasting-Light Perfection Divinity-**

"WHAT THE HELL?! THIS NAME GOES ON FOREVER!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"It's like Kyu-chan's Monkey!" exclaimed Kagura. "I think his name was Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan's Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi's Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling-"

Gin cut off Kagura before she could continue.

 **As she walked home to Yorozuya Gin-chan, Kagura greeted her. "Wow, Meagan!" she exclaimed. "You're so awesome and amazing and perfect!" "I know," replied Meagan.**

"God, what a stuck up asshole," said Kagura. "I wouldn't say any of that to her!"

" **H-h-hi Meagan..." said Shinpachi. "BEAT IT, YOU FUCKING NERD!" said Meagan.**

Gin and Kagura snickered.

"Oh come on, she sounds mean," said Shinpachi. "I wouldn't care." However, a tiny part of him died that at that moment. But it was just a couple of his brain cells, because he was reading this story. Then again, he wasn't concerned, because hanging around Gin and Kagura would cause loss of brain cells anyway.

 **Finally, Meagan got to Gin's room. "Hey sexy," said Gin. "Let's fuck like rabbits."**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" exclaimed Gin. "I wouldn't be that blunt about it!"

And once again, he was met with a slap in the face by Shinpachi. Kagura opted for an easier method, and kicked Gin in the crotch.

" **Hell yea!" exclaimed Meagan. She took off her Kimono, and undid Gin's Hakama, all while making out. She undid his pants, and started to suck his-"**

"I think I've read enough today," said Shinpachi.

"WHAT THE HELL SHINPACHI?!" Gin exclaimed. "IT WAS JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART!"

Shinpachi finally knew the reason why Kagura was beating Gin up earlier.

"You know what I'm thinking?" Shinpachi asked.

"Of course," said Kagura. And they began to beat up Gin, together, and all of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

"Shin-chan! I think you forgot something at home!"


	3. Incest is never Wincest

"Shin-chan!" said a familiar voice. "You forgot the food I made you!"

"Oh, hey Sis…." Said Shinpachi, who was in the process of beating up Gin. "Just put it on the table."

Tae set the food down on the table. "Oh! You guys have a laptop now!" she said. "What are you guys using it for?"

"Right now, we're reading fanfiction!" said Kagura, who was also in the process of beating up Gin.

"Oh, what's that?" asked Tae.

"Gin-chan said it's where people write stories about men kissing each other and getting pregnant," said Kagura. "However, there are also some other stories on there!"

"Oh, I'll read one, I guess," said Tae. However, she was struggling to contain her excitement, and didn't hear about the parts after Kagura mentioned "Men kissing each other."

"Okay! Let's stop beating up Gin-san and listen to this next fanfic." Shinpachi said.

 **Shinpachi's True Feelings**

 **By ShincestisWincest**

"What a weird name," said Tae.

 **Synopsis: Shinpachi reveals his true feelings for a certain someone.**

"Shinpachi, is it Otsu?" asked Kagura.

 **It was a dark and stormy night in Edo.**

"Real original," said Gin.

 **But as the heavy rain poured on Shinpachi, he felt like his heart was getting heavier, and heavier. He needed to tell her about his feelings.**

"Oh my, who the lucky girl?" asked Tae.

 **He walked into Odd Jobs. "Hey, Shinpachi." said Kagura. "Hi, Kagura." Said Shinpachi.**

Kagura cringed. Shinpachi responded in kind.

" **Why are you here so late?" she asked. "I'm here to drop off some stuff," He said. "I brought some food for you two, and some stuff for Sadaharu." Then, Shinpachi left Odd Jobs.**

Kagura and Shinpachi collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Gin looked slightly disappointed.

 **Some of the Roads were closed because of the rain though. So he walked down into Yoshiwara.**

"I knew Shinpachi was going to hire someone," said Gin.

"What the hell Gin-san?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "I'm not that desperate!"

 **As he passed through the crowds of women, he encountered Tsukuyo.**

"You are that desperate," said Gin. "You want to hire Tsukuyo of all people."

Shinpachi just chose not to argue with Gin. However, Kagura was pissed at him.

"WELL EXCUSE ME, MR. 'OH-SORRY-FOR-GROPING-YOU'!" she shouted. "I KNOW YOU LOVE HER SECRETLY!"

"HEY, ALL THE TIMES I GROPED HER WERE ACCIDENTAL!" replied Gin. "AND WHY WOULD I LOVE HER? SHE'S AN ASSHOLE!"

" **Tsukuyo," said Shinpachi. "Where's an exit that can get me to the big city part of Kabuki-cho?"**

Once again, Shinpachi sighed in relief.

" **Just take a left at the sex shop," she said. "Which one?" asked Shinpachi. "The one called Toys 4 U." she replied. Shinpachi thanked her, and managed to leave Yoshiwara. And finally, he reached his destination, a Cabaret shop known as Snack Smile.**

"I KNEW IT SHINPACHI! I KNEW YOUR WERE GONNA HIRE SOMEONE!" shouted Gin.

"WHY WOULD I HIRE SOMEONE FROM MY SISTER'S WORKPLACE?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "THAT WOULD BE SO WEIRD AND AWKWARD!"

 **But, Shinpachi didn't go inside. Instead, he patiently waited outside for her to come out. And she did. It was his amazingly beautiful Sister, Tae. "Um, sis, I got something I need to tell you," said Shinpachi. "What is it?" asked Tae.**

" **I've fallen in love with yo-"**

Everyone froze. The room was silent. Shinpachi was a bright shade of red. Gin and Kagura found themselves unable to move. For the next minute, nothing happened. The wind stopped blowing. All the people outside seemed to stop moving. It was as if the world stopped moving because of this shocking revelation.

All of a sudden, Tae said something. "Shin-chan, I…. I…"

Shinpachi looked scared. "W-what is it, sis?" He was praying right now that she wouldn't kill him, and that she knew it was fiction.

"I…. think I misread that," said Tae. "I thought it said 'I've fallen in love with you,' but here's what it actually said."

" **I've fallen in love with your co-worker Ane!" he said. I need to know how I can date her!**

Everyone went dead silent again. Tae slowly turned around.

"Shin-chan," she said. "WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DATE SOMEONE LIKE HER?!"

"THIS IS ALL FICTION," Shinpachi replied. "IT'S CALLED FANFICTION FOR A REASON!"

"AT LEAST HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!" said Gin. What followed was a brawl between the four, knocking over chairs and tables, yet somehow leaving the laptop unharmed.

However, someone crashed through the back Window, and a plea for help was heard.

"Gintoki! Elizabeth and I need to hide here, the Shinsengumi are chasing us!


	4. Get the hell out of our universe!

"Zura?! Why did you choose to hide in our house of all places?!" asked Gin.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" said Katsura. "Elizabeth and I were just walking by, and then they spotted us, so we ran here to hide, because it's close!"

"YOU IDIOT!" shouted Gin. "I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WOULD LOOK HERE FIRST!"

"GIN-CHAN, SHUT UP, YOU'RE GONNA GIVE HIM AWAY!" shouted Kagura.

"SAYS YOU!" replied Gin. But before Kagura could retort, Tae shoved both of their heads into the floor.

"Katsura-san, since you're here, do you want some of my food?" asked Tae.

Despite Katsura and Tae rarely ever talking, he knew about the burnt, poisonous substance she called food, and declined.

"Why do you guys have a laptop?" he asked.

"Because we're reading fanfiction!" said Kagura. "Gin-chan said it's a place where teenage girls write about men kissing each other and getting pregnant! But there are also other stories as well."

"I see. It sounds interesting, but I think I'll pass," said Katsura. But eventually he noticed the Odd Jobs Crew, Tae, and even Elizabeth surrounded Kagura's laptop, and asked "What's so fascinating about fanfiction?"

"They can be really well written, Katsura-san!" said Tae. "We just found a really good one called Sket Dance! It's about an alternate universe where Gin-san, Shin-chan, and Kagura-chan are highschoolers, and run Odd Jobs! It was so good that Jump serialized it!"

"Um, sis, Sket Dance is not a Gintama AU fanfiction, no matter how similar it is to us," said Shinpachi.

"Alright then, I think I found a good one," said Katsura.

 **The Adventures of Odd Jobs**

 **By Areae-chan**

"Areae? Huh."

 **Summary: My Cousin's 1** **st** **Birthday was yesterday, Yay! :D btw I suck at summaries but I looooove Pizza!**

"Why should we care about her cousin?" asked Gin.

"Hey, be respectful!" replied Shinpachi.

 **Me: Sup guys, I wrote a fanfiction here because uh… shit idk lol XD**

"I want to puke already," said Gin.

Katsura handed him a bag.

 **Me: I guess it was completely random lol. My cousin's birthday was yesterday too XD**

"Yes, and Edo is the capital of Japan."

 **Me: I think that you'll love it though!**

 **Urichoryu: Yeah, I doubt it.**

"What kind of fucked up person would name their kid Urichoryu?"

 **Me: Shut up, idiot! Oh by the way, this is Urichoryu!**

"Oh wow, it's not like we read it on the previous line or something," said Kagura.

 **He's my Gintama OC (AN: Original Character for all you new people)**

"Huh, I don't recall meeting an Urichoryu-san," said Tae.

"That's because he's made up, like in the author's imagination," replied Kagura.

 **Urichoryu: Excuse me?! You're not my mom! You didn't create me!**

 **Me: Who cares?! Let me start the friggen story!**

"For once, I agree with the author."

 **Urichoryu: No! You need to apologize. I AM REAL!**

 **Me: Fine you're real.**

 **Urichoryu: Thank yo-**

 **Me: Real Stupid!**

 **Urichoryu: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU BITCH!**

"I think the author is arguing with herself…" said Shinpachi.

"Talk about Disassociative Identity Disorder…" said Gin.

 **Me: Fiiine, I'm sorry.**

 **Urichoryu: Good, let's get start-**

 **Kiruko: HEY GUYS!**

Everyone uttered a collective "Ugggghhhh…."

 **Me: Oh right! This is my other character, Kiruko!**

 **Urichoryu: Can you not, Kiruko?**

 **Kiruko: ….**

 **Me: ….**

 **Urichoryu: ….**

 **Kiruko: NAH!**

 **Me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL**

 **Kiruko: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL**

 **Urichoryu: You're shitting me right now…**

"I think I agree with that identity that she uses," said Gin. Everyone agreed, and said "Mhm."

 **Me: SHADDAP URICHORYU!**

 **Kiruko: IKR? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL**

 **Urichoryu: *sighs and walks away***

 **The End**

"Wasn't she gonna tell a story?" asked Shinpachi.

 **AN: Did you like it? Read and Review!**

"Alright," said Gin. "This is an utter piece of shit that should be destroyed. You've dishonored everyone in your family, and at least 3 generations of descendants. Go commit Seppuku or something."

But just as Gin was about to post his review, an explosion was heard at the front of Odd Jobs.

"KATSURAAAAAAAA! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"


	5. Slash fics don't involve swords

The Shinsengumi stormed Odd Jobs with their blades drawn, ready for a brawl.

"KATSURAAAAAAA! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR TERRORISM!" shouted the voice of a particular sadist.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH US!" shouted Katsura, who readied a bomb to throw.

However, Gin was having none of it. His house was already trashed from the previous brawl, so why would he want it to get trashed more? He grabbed Okita's head, and Katsura's head, and slammed them together, causing them to fall to the floor.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF HE'S A WANTED TERRORIST, DON'T WRECK MY HOUSE!" shouted Gin. "AND DUMBASS, DON'T THROW A BOMB IN MY HOUSE EITHER! I DON'T CARE IF THEY WORK FOR THE BAKUFU, DON'T WRECK MY HOUSE!"

But things got even worse when a certain gorilla saw Tae.

"OTAAAAAAAAAAE-SAN!" shouted Kondo, attempting to pounce on her. Her response was the usual, a kick in the face, and a beatdown.

"Katsura, AKA Runaway Kotaro, you are under arrest for terrorism," said Hijikata. "Any last words?"

Katsura didn't respond, with his eyes being glued to the screen of Kagura's laptop.

"Oi, what are you looking at?" asked Hijikata.

"We're looking at Fanfiction," replied Gin. "It's where the internet decides to take a collective shit on our lives."

"Oh, I want to see Hijikata getting shat on," said Okita.

"Is that your fetish or something?" asked Kagura, mockingly.

And then another fight broke out, right next to Tae's beatdown of Kondo.

"Say, Hijikata-san, would you like to read a Fanfiction?" asked Shinpachi.

"Might as well, since the other two are preoccupied with something," said Hijikata.

 **Of Sweetness and Mayonnaise**

"This had better be good."

 **By Slashfan36**

"Is that a samurai?" asked Katsura.

 **Synopsis: A slash fic about Gin and Hiji.**

"A slash fic? Does that mean we're fighting?" asked Gin.

 **It was another boring day at Odd Jobs. Gin was reading Manga. But he kept getting distracted, because he kept getting distracted.**

 **By Him.**

"Gintoki! Are you thinking about Shoyo-sensei?" asked Katsura.

 **Despite them fighting almost every time they saw each other, his mind couldn't stop thinking about his handsome face, with his bangs, the cigarette that's always hanging loosely from his mouth, and his muscular body... oh yes…**

"Boss, I didn't know you were gay," said Okita.

"He's not gay, 'cause he loves Tsukki!" replied Kagura.

Tae stopped beating up Kondo, and started watching the laptop's screen intensely.

 **Gin decided to go for a walk. He told Kagura he was going out for a walk. "Kay, don't die or something, Gin-chan," she replied. When he went out, he initially was going to go a Dango shop. But he found himself subconsciously walking to the Shinsengumi quarters. But he didn't know why.**

Tae began to blush.

 **He didn't know why he was so fascinated by that Demon. "I guess demons enjoy the company of other demons," Gin thought to himself. But this was more than fascination.**

 **No, it was love.**

"I don't love anyone other than Ketsuno Ana though…" said Gin.

 **He walked into the Shinsengumi compound. Dead silence. "Maybe he's not here." But then, he felt something on his neck.**

 **"Hey, sexy," said Hijikata.**

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK?!" exclaimed Gin and Hijikata.

"I'm not surprised, Hijikata," said Okita.

"EXCUSE ME, SOUGO?!" exclaimed Hijikata. "YOU WANT TO COMMIT SEPPUKU?!"

Gin decided that now was the best time to use the bag that Katsura gave him. And he puked in it. When he finished, he dragged Hijikata outside, and began to talk to him.

"Just so you know, I don't feel that way about you," said Gin. "My true love is Ketsuno Ana."

"Didn't you say that already?" replied Hijikata. "Besides, I don't love anyone in a romantic way."

Gin felt the urge to bring up Mitsuba, but wisely decided not to. After Hijikata taking a quick smoke, they went in, where they saw that Tae was still reading the fiction.

"Oh my god…. Uhhhhh…" she muttered. The further she read, the redder her face became. And at the climax of the story, she got a nosebleed, and passed out on the floor. Kondo was tempted to take this opportunity fate had given him, but he decided not to. Shinpachi was horrified at this revelation that his sister was in fact, a Yaoi addict.

"Geez, what could've made her pass out?" asked Kagura, who started to read the story.

 **Gin kissed Hijikata's muscles-**

Kagura puked her guts out.

"Oh come on, China," said Okita. "It can't be that bad."

 **Hijikata licked Gin's big thick co-**

Okita ran to the bathroom and proceeded to vomit out blood.

"Sougo, China, you're both just kids," said Kondo. "You can't handle this." And then, Kondo made the mistake of trying to read it.

 **Hijikata started to moan. "Uhhh yes, faster!"**

Kondo couldn't find a hole in the house that hadn't been puked in, so he went outside and puked in the street.

Gin wisely decided to go look at another fanfiction. And just as he was about to do that, a voice was heard from the ceiling.

"YOU FUCKING COP BASTARD WITH A MAYO FETISH! STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY GIN-SAN!"


	6. Your OTP can be unrealistic in context

Sacchan crashed to the floor, attempting to tackle Hijikata, because, in her eyes, he stole her man. Of course, Gin isn't too fond of Sacchan's affection. However, it was amusing to watch Sacchan try to wrestle Hijikata.

"Look Hijikata, a woman actually stayed around you for more 5 minutes," said Okita.

Hijikata was too busy fighting off Sacchan to get mad at him.

"I DON'T LOVE HIM! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IT'S A DAMN EROTIC FANFICTION, LIKE 50 SHADES OF GREY!" shouted Hijikata, to no avail.

"YOU DID 50 SHADES OF GREY WITH GIN-SAN?! ONLY I GET TO DO 50 SHADES OF GREY WITH HIM!" replied Sacchan.

"No you don't," said Gin. "Only Ketsuno Ana gets to do 50 Shades of Grey with me."

"Sacchan-san, calm down," said Shinpachi. "Hijikata-san wasn't actually making out with Gin-san."

"I wish…" muttered Tae, who had just recovered from the previous fic's racy content. She made a note to herself to go buy some Doujinshi of Gin and Hijikata later.

"Yea, Sacchan," said Kagura. "We're reading fanfiction. It's where the internet makes stories up about us." Kagura proceeded to give Sacchan the laptop.

Sacchan began to browse the website. "Alright… let's see, filter out Tsukuyo, Tae, Ketsuno Ana, and Hijikata…. I think I found a good one."

 **A day in the life of Okita**

"Sounds pretty shitty to me," said Kagura.

"At least I get paid regularly," replied Okita.

 **By Zaracho Pidaeki**

"Is that a Pseudonym for the Mangaka?" asked Shinpachi.

 **Synopsis: A day in the life of Okita, where he comes home to his young wife. I think you already know who it's gonna be.**

"Uhh, I don't…" said Okita.

"It could be someone like Nobume-chan," inquired Kagura.

Okita thought about the Mimiwarigumi Vice-Captain for a second, but then thought that she'd be better off dating Hijikata. So that he could kick their asses at the same time.

 **Shinesengumi Chief Sougo Okita woke up in the Shinsengumi headquarter on a beautiful Friday morning. It was today that he could go home to see his family in the making.**

"How the fuck did he end up as Chief?!" asked Hijikata.

"Cause I'm that good," replied Okita.

 **He became Chief recently, since Matsudaira retired, making Kondo the chief of Police. And Hijikata ended up working directly under Kondo, rather than for the Shinsengumi. Of course, the job was much more boring than the Shinsengumi.**

"Damn, Kondo."

 **However, Kondo couldn't talk that much anymore, because he was busy with a new job, and also because his wife, Tae-**

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Tae.

Kondo had the urge to shout "YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!" but he wisely decided not to.

 **was Pregnant-**

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" exclaimed Tae.

"OH SHIT!" exclaimed Kondo.

 **with Twins.**

Tae punched the ground, cracking the floor.

"Shit, I'm gonna have to fix that later," Gin thought.

Meanwhile, Kondo passed out from shock.

 **"I should go visit them sometime," thought Okita. And just as he thought more about what to give them for their upcoming baby shower, Vice Chief Sagaru Yamazaki ran in.**

Hijikata began to laugh like a maniac. "OH MY GOD, THESE PEOPLE THINK THAT YAMAZAKI, OF ALL PEOPLE, WOULD TAKE MY POSITION!"

"He's not gonna take it, but I will," said Okita.

"Oh please," replied Hijikata.

 **"Sir!" said Yamazaki. "We found Takasugi and the Kihetai!"**

 **"Alright, then. Let's kick their asses!" shouted Okita.**

 **The entire Shinsengumi shouted in agreement, and saluted him.**

"This reminds me of another insane sadist with a lot of power."

Everyone in the room shot Hijikata a dirty look.

"What's the matter? I'm talking about G*nghis Kh*n."

 **When they found Takasugi, he managed to take down most of the Shinsengumi by himself.**

"My god, he's gotten strong," said Katsura.

 **However, when he saw Okita, he shat his pants.**

"Yea, no, he hasn't," replied Gin.

 **Unfortunately for Takasugi, Okita caught him.**

 **"Good Job, Okita!" said Kondo. "You're the best! Better than the Mimiwarigumi Chief, Nobume!"**

 **"Thank you, Kondo-san," replied Okita.**

"Damn straight," said Okita.

 **But, the best part of Okita's day was when we went home-**

"It was also the best part for us, cause we don't have to deal with him," said Hijikata.

 **And saw his beautiful wife, Kagura.**

The room went silent. Kagura looked mortified. So did Okita. Everyone else in the room had varying reactions. Katsura and Tae had the generic anime shock look on their faces. Kondo was still passed out from the so-called revelation that he and Tae were going to care for twins. Sacchan had a look that screamed "Totally called it," and Gin looked mildly disturbed at the fact that those two got married.

But Hijikata had an unusual reaction. He began to laugh, and with each second, he laughed louder, and louder, like he was going insane. His muscles suddenly lost all of their strength, and he was left lying on the floor, still laughing like a maniac.

"Kagura, this is why you don't do meth," said Gin. But Kagura didn't respond. She was just utterly baffled at the fact that people thought she like that sadist, of all people. And as she continued to attempt to comprehend it, her sanity started to slip away, until she was left shuddering on the floor.

Suddenly, she stopped shuddering. Her mouth opened.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCK?!"

And then she continued to shake uncontrollably on the floor, muttering stuff about Okita, as well as murder, and fanbases.

Okita wasn't much better, as he had broken out in a cold sweat, and proceeded to hide in a corner. He mentioned something about being violated by the fans.

And Hijikata kept on laughing like an insane maniac. And almost everyone in the room was sick of it.

Luckily, because of Sacchan's numerous years of study in the fields of BDSM and Bondage, she easily bounded, and gagged him, and threw him in Gin's bedroom. Gin appeared to object this arrangement as first (because of the connotations of Hijikata being in his room), but stopped caring when he realized how pleasant it was without Hijikata's maniacal laughter in the living room.

"Hmm, I'm kind of curious about what happens next," said Katsura. And he began to read.

 **"Sougo! You're home!" exclaimed Kagura, kissing him on the lips.**

Kagura began to shake even more violently.

 **"It's so nice to see you, Kagura!" replied Okita, who started carrying her Bridal style to their bedroom.**

Okita coughed up at least a liter of blood.

 **Kagura was relatively light, as she was only 17 (they got married when she was 16 and he was 20), so Okita had a relatively easy time carrying her.**

Kagura's muscles went limp, and her eyes rolled up to the back of her head.

 **He had found that she had developed quite nicely since when they first met, and she was beginning to look like a woman, as she had more defined curves, as well as bigger breasts.**

Okita started to slam his head on the wall, so hard that his forehead started to bleed.

 **He placed her gently on the bed, where they began to make out.**

Kagura started to foam at the mouth.

 **Okita threw off his jacket, and began to undo Kagura's Qipao.**

Okita stopped slamming his head on the wall, and instead, opted to cough up more blood.

 **Kagura responded by undoing Okita's pants and then-**

"KATSURA! STOP!" shouted Gin. "YOU'RE GONNA KILL THEM!"

"BUT GINTOKI, I WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!" replied Katsura.

"BULLSHIT! YOU JUST WANT TO SEE THEM FUCK EACH OTHER!" replied Gin.

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME!" shouted Katsura. "Either way, we need to get them treated."

"Alright then," said Gin. "Tae, go treat Kagura. Give her a bunch of food or something. Sacchan, go treat Okita. Make him whip you or something."

"Okay, let's go Kagura-chan!" said Tae, who took her down to Otose's shop.

"Come with me sadist," said Sacchan, who dragged Okita to the bathroom. "I'll show you how it's done."

"Um, Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "Are you sure that it's a good idea to have the Hardcore Sadist deal with the Hardcore Masochist?!"

"Relax, Shinpachi," said Gin. "I'm sure he'll thank me later for getting him laid."

"Gin-san, maybe he doesn't want to have sex with Sacchan…" said Shinpachi.

"Well, he doesn't have to," replied Gin. "He can just tie her up and leave."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I saw Tae-chan walking down the stairs with Kagura. What are you guys doing here?"


	7. Pregnancy isn't always a miracle

"Kyubei-san? Why are you here?" asked Shinpachi.

"Oh, uh… I was here to see Tae," said Kyubei. "Why was she walking down with Kagura-chan?"

"She just found out that people pair her with that brat from the Shinsengumi," said Gin. "They both had a nervous breakdown, and the Mayo Addict went insane as well."

"I see," said Kyubei. "But how does she know that?"

"We found this thing called Fanfiction," said Gin. "They're stories about us."

"Huh," said Kyubei. "What are they about?"

"We just saw one about the brat and Kagura being married," said Gin. "There was also a few with fake people, called 'OC's, and there was one about me being in love with the Mayo Addict. Yuck!"

"Geez, people can be so creepy," said Kyubei. "RIGHT, TOJO?!"

"OWWWW!" shouted Tojo, Kyubei's Servant/Stalker, who was supposedly a sword master, but had devolved into comic relief as the series went on. He was hiding behind the Odd Jobs banner, somehow eluding her sight, but when she hit him, he fell at least 7 feet to the ground, and miraculously managed to recover.

"Come in, Kyubei-san," said Shinpachi. "Katsura-san and Elizabeth-san are still here, and Kondo-san is as well."

"Okay," said Kyubei. "But, I kind of need to use the restroom."

"W-wait, Kyubei-san!" said Shinpachi, but it was too late.

Kyubei proceeded to walk in where she saw an ungodly sight.

Sacchan was bent over, wearing nothing but an Apron and her glasses, while Okita was whipping her with a riding crop. And Okita didn't even bat an eye when Kyubei walked in.

"Oh hey," said Okita, who appeared to be uninterested.

"Oh, h-hi," said Kyubei, who proceeded to walk out a few seconds later.

"Kyubei-san, sorry about tha-" said Shinpachi, but she cut him.

"It's fine," she replied, and then she walked into the wrecked living room. "What happened to this place?"

"Gin-san and Kagura-chan got into a fight after he apparently made out with Sis, Tsukuyo-san, Sacchan-san, and you," he replied. "But it was just in the fanfiction."

"Oh, now I get it," said Kyubei. "I think I'm gonna read one, to get my mind off of what I just saw in the bathroom." Kagura proceeded to hand her the laptop.

"Hmm…. I think I found a good one," said Kyubei.

 **The New Baby**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Kondo.

 **By Yaoiyaaaas69**

 **Synopsis: Gin and Katsura become parents. Contains MPreg.**

"Gintoki, what's MPreg?" asked Katsura.

"I dunno," said Gin.

 **Katsura was lying on the ground, with his head on Gin's lap. Gin had his hand on Katsura's abdomen, where there was a slight bulge.**

"Damn, Zura. You really let yourself go."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" replied Katsura.

 **"God, Katsura," said Gin. "I want the baby to be a boy…"**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" exclaimed Gin. "HE'S PREGNANT?! EWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Katsura grabbed his stomach and cringed.

Shinpachi took out a bag, and vomited.

 **"Oh, Gintoki," said Katsura. "I'd prefer a girl. She could have my hair."**

 **"Unless she gets my hair," said Gin.**

Okita walked out of the bathroom, and proceeded to go to a drawer, where he pulled out a camera.

"Is it the Camera in Boss's underwear drawer?" asked Okita.

"Yea, that's the one!" replied Sacchan.

"Um, Okita-san, Sacchan-san," said Shinpachi. "WHY DO YOU NEED A CAMERA?!"

"Sacchan and I are making a movie," replied Okita. "We're gonna distribute it to make money."

Shinpachi chose not to ask any more questions.

"Oi, where's the Tripod?" asked Okita.

"Check the closet!" replied Sacchan.

 **"Hopeful it doesn't get your eyes, though," said Katsura.**

 **"Yea…" said Gin, trailing off. He breathed on Katsura's neck, giving him goosebumps. Katsura moaned lightly.**

Katsura took out a bag, and vomited in it.

Meanwhile, Okita went to the bathroom, put a "Do Not Disturb" sign, and locked the door.

 **No one knew how Katsura got pregnant, but no one cared.**

"Men don't have ovaries though," said Shinpachi. "How is this possible?!"

"I would start to care if I saw a pregnant man walking around," said Kondo. "It's not possible at all."

 **Besides, he and Gin loved Children.**

"I DON'T LOVE CHILDREN!" shouted Gin.

"SAYS THE GUY WHO LIVES WITH A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL!" shouted Shinpachi.

"EXCUSE ME, I'M ONLY LETTING HER LIVE HERE BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO!" replied Gin. "SHE COULD STAY WITH YOU, A HORMONAL TEENAGE BOY, AND WE ALL KNOW HOW WELL THAT WOULD TURN OUT!"

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "I WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT! BESIDES, I LOVE OTSU!"

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!" screamed Sacchan, from the bathroom.

"SHUT UP, WE'RE TRYING TO READ!" shouted Gin.

 **All of a sudden, Katsura felt moist in his crotch. His water broke.**

 **"Gintoki! I'm going into labor!"**

Elizabeth took out a bag, and vomited in it.

"UHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Sacchan, who was still in the bathroom, making a movie with Okita.

Kyubei took out a bag, and puked in it.

 **Gin called 911, and soon, they were both on an ambulance.**

 **"G-Gintoki… I'm scared…" said Katsura.**

 **"Don't worry," said Gin. "We'll make it through this together."**

 **To Be Continued**

"OH MY GOD, THERE'S 5 MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS GROSS SHIT?!" exclaimed Gin.

"Yea, I don't want to read more of that," said Katsura. "I felt violated."

"OHHHH BABY VIOLATE ME MORE!" screamed Sacchan.

At this point, the group decided to ignore Okita and Sacchan's "movie," and just pretend that it was a neighbor watching porn with the volume turned up to the max.

"So, since we've run out of trash bags, we're going to need someone to take all of these bags of puke out to the dumpster," said Gin. "I say we determine it via Jan-Ken-Po. Just Jan-Ken-Po the guy next to you, whoever wins, you don't have to take out the trash, whoever loses, you're going to play Odd Man Out, using only Paper or Stone. Last person left takes out all of the puke bags."

"Oh, and don't let in Tojo," said Kyubei. "I just want a day where he isn't wherever I am."

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Sacchan. "I'M ALMOST THERE! OH! I THINK I'M THEROOOOOAAAAHHHH!" and moments later, a sound similar to that of squeezing toothpaste out of a tube was heard.

"Uh…" said Shinpachi. "Please tell me they're going to clean that up…"

"Either way, let's begin deciding," said Gin.

"Jan, Ken, Po!" was heard in the room various times, and it wound down to Shinpachi, Kondo, and Elizabeth.

"Paper, or, Stone!"

Shinpachi picked stone, while Elizabeth and Kondo picked paper, and as a result, Shinpachi had to take out all of the puke bags, but as Shinpachi was walking out, he encountered Okita.

"Is it okay if I put some trash into one of those bags?" asked Okita.

"Um… okay…" replied Shinpachi.

"Thanks," said Okita, who proceeded to put a used Condom in one of the bags.

Shinpachi, who all of a sudden felt sick to his stomach, and proceeded to run down the stairs to the dumpster, throwing the puke bags away, and also puking inside of said dumpster. When Shinpachi was finished, he staggered away from the dumpster, before bumping in to someone.

"Oh, sorry about that," said Shinpachi.

"It's okay. Oh, and Hinowa asked me to drop off some stuff for you guys."

* * *

 _ **I had to re-upload this due to a formatting error, sorry everyone!**_

 _ **BTW, if you have any fic suggestions, tell me in the reviews!**_


	8. Naked people aren't always sexy

"Oh, hey Tsukuyo-san," said Shinpachi.

"Hey," said Tsukuyo. "Hinowa asked me to drop off some stuff for you guys."

"Okay, come on in!" said Shinpachi. "It's pretty much like a party here now, ever since we discovered fanfiction…"

"What's fanfiction?" asked Tsukuyo.

"Stories about us," said Shinpachi. "They can be entertaining, but also disgusting…"

All of a sudden, Kagura and Tae walked out of Snack Otose.

"Please tell me that you feel better after eating that much food," said Tae.

"Yea! I do!" exclaimed Kagura, who had just recovered from a breakdown .

"Thank god," said Tae. "I'm going to have to pay for all of it."

"Isn't Kyu-chan rich?" asked Kagura. "You could have her pay for it!"

"Nah, that'd be pretty rude of me," said Tae.

"Hey, it's Tsukki!" shouted Kagura. "Hey!"

"Oh, hey!" said Tsukuyo. "I got you guys some stuff! Kagura, here's this Bento Hinowa made, and Shinpachi, here's an Otsu poster."

"Thanks, Tsukki!" said Kagura. "What did you get for Gin-chan?"

"I'm not sure what Hinowa gave him," said Tsukuyo. "Probably some Sake or something."

They walked into Odd Jobs, where they saw Gin on the phone.

"Uh yea, I'd like 5 extra large hand-tossed Pizzas, one Pepperoni, one Meat Lover's, one Vegetarian, one Supreme, and one with Azuki bean-"

Hijikata escaped from Gin's room, but he was still in bondage, so he began to scream through his gag.

"-sorry, the last one is gonna be one-half Azuki bean one half Mayonnaise."

Hijikata was still screaming through his gag.

"Oh, and 5 orders of boneless wings, Medium, with Blue Cheese, and also 5 orders of breadsticks… yes, I'd like Marinara sauce… 4 orders of Pasta, 2 Marinara, 2 Mushroom… and uh… oh yea! 2 of those giant cookies maybe? Thanks. Oh. It's gonna cost 8750円? No problem. Thank you."

"Uh… Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "Why did you order that much food?"

"Because we have a bunch of people over," said Gin. "And besides, Kyubei offered to pay for it."

"Oh, yea, speaking of people over," said Shinpachi. "Tsukuyo's here to drop some stuff off."

"Oh," said Gin, who looked uninterested.

"Here's the stuff," said Tsukuyo. "I gave Shinpachi and Kagura their stuff, but I don't know what Hinowa packed for you."

Gin opened the box. Inside of the box were a pack of Condoms and a bottle of Sake. There was also a note attached.

 _Gin-san, if you're going to drink with Tsukuyo, make sure you guys are safe when you're done drinking! ;)_

 _~Hinowa_

Gin and Tsukuyo looked horrified.

"Oh my god Gin-chan," said Kagura. "I knew you loved Tsukki!"

"NO!" said Gin and Tsukuyo in unison.

"I love Ketsuno Ana!" said Gin. "I even bought a new figurine of her, after you guys broke the last one!"

"But Gin-chan, you keep on groping her," said Kagura.

"EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT'S HAPPENED, IT'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT, OKAY?!" replied Gin.

"L-let's just go read some more fanfiction, alright?" said Shinpachi, nervously.

"I think I found a good one!" said Kagura.

 **Silver Moon**

 **By OkiKagu5ever**

"NO! BAD! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" shouted Kagura.

"Wait, Kagura-chan, read the synopsis," said Shinpachi.

 **This is my take on what happened with Gin and Tsukuyo after Gin saved Yoshiwara. This is a lemon fic.**

"What's a lemon fic, Gin-chan?" asked Kagura.

"Beats me," replied Gin.

All of a sudden Okita and Sacchan walked in. But Sacchan stood out.

Because she was pretty much naked, except for the apron she was wearing.

However, Gin, the love of her life, didn't care.

"Oi, can you go release Hijikata from bondage?" asked Gin. "I think he's pretty much calm now."

"Okay," replied Sacchan.

Sacchan was disappointed. She was dressed in the most revealing attire that she had on her, and Gin didn't even care. What was she going to do?

 **Yoshiwara had just been saved by Gin. Everyone in Yoshiwara loved Gin.**

 **Especially Tsukuyo.**

"WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Tsukuyo.

"Oh my god Tsukki," said Kagura. "I knew it."

"NO, I DON'T LOVE GINTOKI, OKAY?!" replied Tsukuyo.

 **After he saved Yoshiwara from that tyrant, Housen, there had to be something she could do to repay him.**

 **And she knew exactly what to do.**

"Give me some pudding?" asked Gin.

Tsukuyo slapped Gin.

"Owww!" exclaimed Gin. "I meant actual pudding, not sexual favors!"

All of a sudden, Hijikata walked in.

"Oi, Gin," said Hijikata. "There's a woman in your bedroom. She wants you to come in; I think her name was Ketsuna Ano?"

"KETSUNO ANA IS IN MY ROOM? ALRIGHT!" exclaimed Gin, as he grabbed the condoms in Hinowa's gift box.

Gin ran to his room, and as he opened the door, he saw a woman on his bed.

"Hey, Gin-kun…"

 **About two days after Housen's death, she approached Gin at the remains of Housen's castle.**

 **"Gintoki," she said.**

 **"What is it?" he replied.**

 **"C-can you go somewhere with me?"**

 **"Okay."**

The Woman in his room was Sacchan. Gin was disappointed.

"Um, sorry, I think I'm in the wrong room," said Gin, who proceeded to walk out of the room.

"Wait, Gin-kun…" said Sacchan. "Don't you want to taste my pudding?"

Sacchan lifted her apron, revealing that she had in fact painted her fanservice areas with pudding.

"Sacchan, that's a waste of pudding," said Gin. "Did you really think that I would eat it, considering the fact that it's on your body?"

Gin proceeded to walk out of the room.

"YOU KNOW GIN-SAN, I DON'T NEED YOU! I HAVE SOUGO-KUN!" shouted Sacchan.

"Oi, shut it, cow!" exclaimed Okita. "I'm pretty sure China would be a better lay than you!"

Kagura slammed Okita's face into the ground. She didn't want to remind herself of that story about her and the sadist.

 **"Listen, Gintoki, th-there's something I need to tell y-you…"**

"Oh come on, I don't sound like that," said Tsukuyo.

"Unless you're by Gin-chan?" asked Kagura.

Meanwhile, Katsura, Tae, Kyubei, Kondo, Hijikata, and Elizabeth were playing Uno, away from the laptop.

"Man, Fanfiction's just too weird," said Katsura. "I mean, they thought that men can get pregnant! How old are they? 13 or something?!"

"I know how you feel, Katsura," replied Hijikata. "They all thought that I was in love with Gin of all people. Tch, the only person I truly loved is dead now."

"Who are you talking about, Hijikata-san?" asked Tae.

"Well it was this girl named Mitsuba…"

Hijikata pulled out a volume of Gintama from his jacket.

 **"What is it, Tsukuyo?"**

 **"Gintoki… I love you!"**

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Kagura. "I KNEW IT! I CALLED IT!"

Tsukuyo was dying from embarrassment. She knew that she didn't love him, but as long people thought that she did…

 **Gin didn't hesitate to kiss Tsukuyo, right after she said it. He previously had to bottle up these feelings that he had for her, but now, he could finally express his love towards Tsukuyo.**

"Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "There's no way that you would act like that."

"I KNOW!" exclaimed Gin. "TELL THAT TO KAGURA!"

Meanwhile, at the Uno circle….

"Oh my god Hijikata-san, that's so sad!" exclaimed Tae.

"Yea, it really hit me hard when she died," said Hijikata. "But it hit Sougo even harder, considering that she basically cared for him."

"I guess the Bakufu aren't all just faceless pigs," said Katsura. "But, we Joi rebels aren't all just faceless pigs, too. Now, lemme tell you my life story…"

 **Tsukuyo couldn't believe it. Gin, the love of her life, was kissing her. And he was quite good at it, too. It was ecstasy for Tsukuyo, and she wanted so much more.**

"Gin-chan, is kissing always like that?" asked Kagura.

"Go ask the sadist, he can show you," replied Gin, who was met with another punch in the face.

"Tsukki, is kissing always like that?"

"No, it's not," said Tsukuyo. "I'm pretty sure Gintoki's breath would smell like Azuki Beans or something."

"How would you know, Tsukki?" asked Kagura.

"No comment."

 **As their lips passionately touched, Gin started to undress Tsukuyo.**

"Oh, Gin-kun!" shouted Sacchan, as she walked out Gin's room.

All of a sudden, half of the males in the room, plus a weird duck monster, got a nosebleed.

Mostly because Sacchan was completely naked when she walked out of the room.

However, her target, Gin, didn't seem to care, much to her disappointment.

 **Tsukuyo undressed Gin as well, feeling up his bulging muscles.**

"Hey, can you put on some clothes?" asked Hijikata.

"There's a little girl in here, you know," said Okita.

"I'm 14 you piece of shit!" replied Kagura.

 **Gin decided to seal the deal, when he unhooked Tsukuyo's bra and started to suck on her bre-**

"I think that's enough," said Tsukuyo.

"But Tsukki!" exclaimed Kagura. "I wanna see what happens next!"

"I agree with Tsukuyo, for once," said Gin.

"EXCUSE ME, GIN-SAN?!" exclaimed Sacchan. "ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT BITCH FROM YOSHIWARA?!"

"HOW CAN I BE CHEATING ON YOU WHEN THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US?!" exclaimed Gin.

"THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US, EITHER!" replied Tsukuyo.

"NOW GO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES, OR I'LL KICK YOU OUTSIDE!" shouted Gin.

"Ohhh Gin-san, so kinky, making me go outside naked!" replied Sacchan.

"NEVERMIND! JUST PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES!"

Sacchan responded by tackling Gin, and proceeding to give him Marshmellow Hell.

"Make me."

Hijikata put handcuffs on Sacchan.

"I'm going to arrest you unless you put some clothes on," said Hijikata.

"Oh my god Gin-san!" exclaimed Sacchan. "I've always wanted to try a threesome!"

Hijikata took off the handcuffs, as he knew the connotations of putting handcuffs on naked women. He was not a pervert, damn it!

Finally, Gin cracked.

"Argh, fine, just walk around naked. I don't care."

"Yay!" exclaimed Sacchan, who proceeded to sit in Gin's lap.

Gin, who wasn't pleased with Sacchan's affectionate gesture, tossed her into Hijikata's lap.

"Oi, what makes you think I wanted her?" asked Hijikata, who tossed her onto Okita's lap.

"I should be asking you the same question, Hijikata," said Okita, who tossed her onto Kagura's lap.

Kagura tossed her onto Tsukuyo's lap, and Tsukuyo tossed her onto Gin's lap.

It became a game of Keep Away, as the six tried to keep Sacchan away from themselves as much as they could. Finally, Gin tossed her into the Uno circle, where she landed on Kondo's lap.

Now, the problem with her being on Kondo's lap is the fact that Kondo had a banana in his pants, despite eating the only banana in his pants that he had brought with him on patrol that day, to eat for breakfast. As a result, both of them looked equally surprised, and horrified, when she landed on his lap.

But there was a moment of silence.

And then a sound most unholy was heard.

"EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

But this was overshadowed by the fact that a giant ship had just crashed into the building.

"Hey Kintoki, what's up?"


	9. Prefixes don't change stuff that much

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!" exclaimed Hijikata.

"What's up, Kintoki?" asked Sakamoto.

"YOU WRECKED THE BACK OF MY HOUSE!" exclaimed Gin. "AND MY NAME IS GINTOKI, DAMN IT! WE ALREADY KILLED KINTOKI!"

Suddenly, a Woman in a hat kicked Sakamoto inside of Gin's house.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, MUTSU?!" exclaimed Sakamoto.

"Sorry about him crashing the ship," said Mutsu. "I don't even know why he wanted to come here."

"To visit my old friend Kintoki!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "Why else?"

"To go see that woman at the hostess club?" asked Mutsu, sarcastically.

"Uh, yeah, but it's only open at night!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "Besides, Oryou can wait."

"I think Oryou-chan would be happy to wait," said Tae. "Preferably forever."

"So, uh, why are so many of you here?" asked Sakamoto.

"We discovered Fanfiction," said Katsura. "We can't describe it; you'll have to see it for yourself."

"Hmm… what's in it for me?" asked Sakamoto.

"We ordered Pizza," said Gin. "Plus some of these stories can get very… 'interesting', if you catch my drift."

"We also have a naked lady," said Hijikata.

"HELL YEA, I'M IN!" exclaimed Sakamoto.

"Here, take the laptop," said Kagura.

"Hmm… oh! I think I found a good one!" exclaimed Sakamoto.

 **Four Way Ticket**

 **By IViewLesbiansInHD**

"I think I know where this is gonna go, Gin-san," said Shinpachi

"Oh come on," said Gin. "It can't be that bad."

 **Synopsis: This is a Femslash story featuring Sacchan, Tsukuyo, Nobume, and Mutsu. (A/N: HNNNGH!)**

"Oh, Mutsu!" said Sakamoto. "You seem to be in this story!"

"Hmph," replied Mutsu.

"Uh, Gintoki," said Tsukuyo. "What's femslash?"

"I dunno," replied Gin.

"Uh Gin-san, don't you remember the slash fic that we rea-"

"I don't think Shinpachi knows either!"

"Yeah, Gin-chan, the one where Hijikata called you sexy and then-"

"Kagura doesn't know either!"

 **One day, Tsukuyo, Sacchan, Mutsu, and Nobume were hanging out at Odd Jobs, like normal.**

"Why would we all be hanging out a Gin's house?" asked Mutsu. "I barely know you guys, anyway."

 **Gin, Shinpachi, and Kagura were out doing god knows what. (A/N: I really don't care about them.)**

"Gin-chan, this author doesn't care about us…" Kagura whined.

"It's okay, Kagura," said Gin. "That means we're spared from the author's perverted mind."

"Oh," said Kagura. "That's good."

 **It was super boring that day. The Kaientai were on break, Yoshiwara was safe, and no crime was going around Edo. It was just sooooo boring.**

"Man, so is this story," said Okita.

" **Girls, I'm just soooo bored," said Sacchan.**

" **Yeah," said Tsukuyo. "I wish that there was something that we can do. Maybe something to beat the crap out of."**

" **There's that boy from the Shinsengumi," said Nobume. "I could go for a few rounds with him."**

"No thank you."

" **Oh please," said Mutsu. "I'd rather go a few rounds with my Captain."**

Hijikata handed Mutsu a bag, in which she proceeded to puke in.

" **I just want to fuck Gin-san!" exclaimed Sacchan.**

"OH YESSS I DO!" exclaimed Sacchan, who began to move around excitedly. Of course, she was on Kondo's lap after a disastrous game of Keep Away, so Kondo had a pained expression on his face.

"Sacchan, can you please stop?" asked Kondo.

" **Excuse me? Gin-san is mine!" exclaimed Tsukuyo, who proceeded to tackle Sacchan.**

"Oh my god Gintoki!" exclaimed Katsura. "Women fight over you?!"

"I WOULDN'T FIGHT OVER GINTOKI!" exclaimed Tsukuyo, angrily.

" **Bitch, he's mine!" exclaimed Sacchan, who angrily ripped off Tsukuyo's kimono, revealing some Sexy Lingerie.  
** "Okay, I didn't expect that," said Gin.

 **Tsukuyo responded to this by ripping off Sacchan's clothing, revealing her huge jugs, and candy pasties.**

"But that, I totally expected that."

 **Suddenly, Sacchan had a lustful look in her eyes, and she began to make out with Tsukuyo. (A/N: Aww Yessss!)**

"Man, if only…"

Tsukuyo punched Gin.

"Goddamn pervert," said Tsukuyo.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!" exclaimed Gin. "I MEANT THAT IT WOULD BE NICE FOR SACCHAN TO NOT STALK ME FOR ONCE!"

Meanwhile, the rest of the Uno group stopped playing, to listen in on the fanfiction.

" **Hey, I want in!" exclaimed Nobume, who proceeded to strip off Tsukuyo's panties.**

"I don't think that hole's supposed to be a sheath for a sword," said Okita.

"I had that living sword stuck in my ass once," said Gin. "You remember that arc, right?"

"I think it was Manga-only," said Okita.

"I'm pretty sure the people who watched the anime exclusively took that waaaaay out of context," said Gin.

" **What the hell?!" exclaimed Mutsu.**

"I wouldn't be surprised if you acted like that," said Sakamoto.

" **I want a piece of the action, too!"**

"Damn, I didn't expect you to act like that."

 **Mutsu proceeded to pull Nobume away from Tsukuyo, so that they could make out.**

"Holy shit Mutsu, I didn't know you swung that way."

Mutsu responded to this by punching her captain.

 **Before they knew it, all of the girls were horny and naked. (A/N: You know what's coming next!)**

"I'd rather not find out," said Tsukuyo.

"Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?" asked Sakamoto.

"I know, right?" said Katsura.

 **Tsukuyo crawled to her bag, and pulled out 4 enormous dil-**

"Okay, I think that's enough…." said Tsukuyo.

"Wait, I wanna see more!" whined Sakamoto.

 **Sacchan proceeded to stick it in her pu-**

"Hey!" said Sacchan. "That thing can't be sanitary!"

 **Meanwhile, Tsukuyo began to suck on her dil-**

"God damn, that's nasty," said Tsukuyo.

 **However, Mutsu decided not to use hers, and she instead began to finger herself. Nobume deep throated hers, and then inserted it inside of her pu-**

"Why is this so descriptive? It's just so weird."

 **Then, she took Tsukuyo's out of her mouth, and started to make out with her.**

"I feel so violated."

"You work in Yoshiwara," said Gin. "Isn't that normal?"

 **As Nobume was making out with Tsukuyo, she took it out of her pu-**

"Gin-chan, why are they doing this?" asked Kagura.

"I have no clue," said Gin, who was surprisingly not aroused by this story.

- **and then she stuck in Mutsu's, who began to moan loudly.**

"Nevermind, I think I've seen enough," said Sakamoto.

"I kind of want to see more," said Kondo, who proceeded to toss Sacchan into Sakamoto's lap, so that he could crawl over to the laptop.

"Are you gonna make me pay for this?" asked Sakamoto.

 **Meanwhile, Sacchan crawled on top of Mutsu, and began to fondle her bre-**

"Hey! I don't swing that way!" exclaimed Sacchan.

"None of us do," said Mutsu. "This author is clearly some no-good pervert."

 **Mutsu moaned even louder, and stuck her fingers into Sacchan's pu-**

"Oi! Only Gin-san gets to put his fingers there!" exclaimed Sacchan.

"No thanks," said Gin.

 **Finally, Tsukuyo began to climax, with the rest of the girls following her. Screams of Ecstasy filled the room, and when they all came, they were lying on the floor, breathing heavily.**

"I just realized that I'd probably have to clean up all of the sweat and the other fluids."

 **The End**

"Thank god that's over," said Mutsu.

"You said it," said Tsukuyo.

"I can't believe someone would write something this vulgar," said Kyubei. "It's horrible."

"I agree," said Kondo. "I can't believe that someone would write something like this, without including Otae-san!"

Tae was not pleased at Kondo's statement, so she punched him in the balls.

"Yea, I'd rather not see that," said Shinpachi.

"None of us would," said Gin.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

"Oi, your food's here!"


	10. Your friend's sister isn't fair game

"Zenzo?!" exclaimed Sacchan.

"Oh yea," said Zenzo. "There's also another guy coming to deliver stuff, I think his name was Hasegawa?"

"Oh!" exclaimed Kagura. "You mean Madao? Or DORK, or whatever they call him?"

"Hey!" said Hasegawa. "I can hear you!"

Hasegawa proceeded to bring up the rest of the food to Odd Jobs, and somehow managed to not drop it.

"Alright," said Hasegawa. "That'll be 8750円."

Kyubei walked over with a check, and handed it to him.

"Thank you," said Hasegawa. "By the way, can we stay? We just got laid off."

"Turns out Pizza Mutt was used for laundering money," said Zenzo.

"There was also a meth lab in a supposedly out-of-order kitchen," said Hasegawa.

"Oi, do you want to stay?" asked Gin. "We found something on the internet."

"It's called Fanfiction," said Kagura. "We found a story about you being rich, which was marked as a fantasy story!"

"Hell yea!" exclaimed Hasegawa. "It's better than that cardboard box in the park!"

"How about you, Zenzo-san?" asked Shinpachi.

"I guess," said Zenzo. "I got nothing better to do."

Kagura handed Hasegawa the laptop, and he mindlessly scrolled until he found a story.

"I think I found a good one," said Hasegawa.

 **Silver Hair, Golden Heart**

 **By TaeFan32**

"Oh hey!" exclaimed Tae. "I have a fan!"

 **Synopsis: Gin is injured after his fight with Nizo.**

"Yea, that guy was one hell of a fighter," said Gin.

 **This is what really happened when Tae patched up his wounds.**

"I don't like where this is going."

"Neither do we," said Kondo and Shinpachi.

 **Gin woke up with a sharp pain in his chest. His fight with Nizo had done a number on him, and now he was in his house, all bandaged up.**

"God, that sounds painful," said Katsura.  
 **Fortunately for Gin, an angel was tending to his wounds.**

"To think that you were hallucinating!"

"I didn't see an angel," said Gin. "All I saw was Tae."

Tae responded to this by punching Gin.

 **Her brown orbs seemed to glow with a heavenly light.**

"…Orbs?" said Tae.

"I think the author means eyes," said Shinpachi.

" **Gin-kun?" said Tae. "Are you okay?"**

" **Yea," said Gin. "It's nothing."**

"I FELT LIKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY WAS BROKEN!" exclaimed Gin. "IT HURT SO MUCH!"

" **Oh, Gin-kun, I'm so relieved…" said Tae, who proceeded to put her head on his lap.**

"I wouldn't do something like that!" exclaimed Tae.

Kondo began to look worried.

Meanwhile, Shinpachi looked at the array of empty Pizza boxes.

"KAGURA-CHAN?! JUST HOW MANY SLICES DID YOU EAT?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Uh… probably like 22 or so?" said Kagura. "30 wings, 10 Breadsticks, and Half of that Mushroom pasta too."

"HOLY SHIT KAGURA-CHAN!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "YOU ATE HALF OF THE PIZZA?!"

"I didn't touch the one with Azuki Beans and Mayo," said Kagura.

"NO ONE'S GONNA TOUCH THAT!" shouted Shinpachi. "THAT'S LITERALLY POISON!"

" **I'll be fine," said Gin. Gin tried to get up, but as he got up, he heard a voice.**

" **Wait, Gin-kun!" said Tae. "Please tell me that you're not gonna die! I don't want to lose you!"**

Kondo cringed. He knew what was going to happen.

" **Why would you care?" asked Gin. "I'm just a good for nothing guy with Silver Hair. What's so special about me?"**

" **You've changed everyone who's ever come across you," said Tae. "Especially me."**

 **Gin was confused. "How did I change you?" he asked.**

" **I thought that I could never love a man, but now…"**

Gin was beginning to look worried.

" **Gin-kun, I've fallen in love with you!"**

The room was silent, for the 3rd or 4th time that day. You'd think that they'd get used to shocking lines like that, too. Tae and Gin looked confused. Kondo looked like he was about to die. Sacchan fainted. The rest of the room looked towards the laptop in shock.

Kondo spoke up. "Otae-san…."

"Hm?" said Tae.

"WHYYYYYYYY?!" exclaimed Kondo, as he burst into tears, and hid in the bathroom.

Kyubei wasn't fairing well either. She hid in the corner of the room, constantly muttering "I don't want to live anymore…"

However, Shinpachi was silent.

"Uh, Shinpachi?" asked Gin, but Shinpachi didn't respond.

Seconds later, Shinpachi let out an unholy noise from his mouth.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

Then, he just went silent.

"Y'know, I kind of wanna see what happens next," said Sakamoto.

"I agree," said Katsura.

"WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN MY FAKE ROMANCE?!" exclaimed Gin.

 **Gin looked longingly into her eyes. Her brown orbs-**

"Why don't you just call them eyes?"

 **-reflected a loving light into his red orbs.**

"God damn it."

 **Then Gin made his move. He kissed her.**

"Why are you cheating on Tsukki?" asked Kagura.

Gin and Tsukuyo chose not to answer. They knew that she wouldn't stop shipping them.

 **They kissed for roughly a minute, and then, stopped. After a moment of dead silence, Tae spoke.**

" **Gin-kun, please promise me that you'll return alive…"**

" **Of course, my love," said Gin.**

"That's so cheesy," said Gin.

" **And when I get back, we'll get married."**

"Yea, no thanks," said Gin.

"Why would the boss lady marry someone like you?" asked Kagura.

"Well the other choice is the Gorilla…" said Gin.

 **They shared one last kiss, and Gin ran off, with love burning in his heart.**

 **End of Chapter 1**

"Thank god that's over," said Tae.

"That story was horrible!" exclaimed Kyubei.

"IS IT OVER YET?!" shouted Kondo from the bathroom.

"No!" shouted Gin. "There's still another chapter!"

"GOD DAMN IT!" shouted Kondo.

"Let's read chapter two!" exclaimed Katsura.

"If it'll keep that Gorilla away," said Tae.

 **Chapter 2**

 **Gin rushed to the Kihetai's ship, using Sadaharu as his mount. He took out all of the Joi guarding the ship, and proceeded to board.**

"I don't even remember how I actually got onto that ship," said Gin.

 **Gin ran to the central chamber, where the Kihetai Five were waiting for him.**

"Jesus Christ, this sounds like something straight out of Bleach. The Hueco Mueco arc, I think."

"Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "We can't afford lawyers right now."

"It's fine," said Gin. "It's not like they care. Now, can you pass me my Azuki Bean pizza?"

" **Takasugi!" shouted Gin. But he heard no response. "Takasugi!"**

" **Get them," said Takasugi, and three figures swooped down from above.**

 **Matako, Takechi, and Bansai swooped down from the ceiling, to fight Gin.**

"I didn't see Bansai during that Arc," said Gin, between bites of his Pizza. "His first appearance was during that Shinsengumi Crisis, right?"

"I think so," said Hijikata, who was eating his Mayonaise Pizza.

 **Gin took out Takechi in a single blow, and tossed him aside. "I need… prepubescent girls…" were his last words.**

A collective snicker was heard throughout the entire room.

"Seriously though," said Gin. "That guy kind of creeps me out."

 **Bansai had trapped Gin with his Guitar Strings-**

"That's not a guitar, it's a shamisen."

 **and Matako kept firing at him. However, Matako accidentally shot several of Bansai's strings, allowing Gin to throw Bansai at Matako, taking them both down.**

 **Finally, Takasugi sent out Nizo, the Manslayer. Gin tapped into his instincts from the Joui war, and defeated him in a single blow.**

"Man, if only it were that easy."

 **Finally, Gin faced down Takasugi, his former friend, turned mortal enemy.**

" **Takasugi!"**

" **Gintoki!"**

" **Takasugi!"**

" **Gintoki!"**

" **Takasugi!"**

" **Gintoki!"**

" **Takasugi!"**

" **Gintoki!"**

"WRONG SERIES, DAMN IT!"

Gin slammed his fists into the ground.

"I don't care if I'm a Ninja," said Zenzo. "I will never let this show be like Naruto, with the plot-no-jutsu and Itachi dying."

"Itachi dies?!" exclained Okita. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL THAT, ASSHOLE?!"

"My god," said Kagura. "You didn't know that? Geez, did you just get to the Search for Tsunade arc already?"

"FUCK YOU!" shouted Okita. "HE'S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!"

"Oh yea!" exclaimed Hijikata. "They bring Itachi back with Edo Tensei, and then they kill him again!"

"FUCK YOU HIJIKATA!" shouted Okita, who was acting out of character at this point.

"Man," said Hijikata. "This is worse than the time I spoiled that Kamina dies."

"Kamina dies?!" exclaimed Gin. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL THAT, ASSHOLE?!"

 **A fury of slashes was seen, with neither of the two seeming to deal that much damage. Finally, they jumped back.**

" **Takasugi!" shouted Gin, as he readied the final blow.**

" **Gintoki!" shouted Takasugi, as he readied his final strike.**

"YOU FUCKING MAYO ADDICT!" shouted Gin. "WHY'D YOU SPOIL GURREN LAGANN?!"

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T FINISH IT!" shouted Hijikata. "IT'S ONLY 27 EPISODES, HOW CAN YOU NOT FINISH IT?!"

 **They charged at each other, and dealt the final blow. Explosions rocked the room, and fire was everywhere.**

Gin tackled Hijikata, and they began to punch each other's faces.

"Oi, Hijikata," said Okita. "Can you not fight with your boyfriend, please?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SOUGO!" shouted Hijikata.

"YEA!" shouted Gin. "GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"FUCK YOU, GIN-CHAN!" shouted Kagura, who kicked Gin off of Hijikata, and proceeded to beat the shit out of him.

 **When the dust settled, Takasugi and Gin were standing still. All of a sudden, a column of blood exploded from Takasugi's body. Then, Takasugi exploded.**

"It looks like Takasugi had a bomb inside of him," said Katsura.

"BUT WHY?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

 **Gin jumped off of the ship, and landed safely on the ground.**

"HOW?! HE SHOULD BE DEAD FROM THAT FALL!"

 **All of a sudden, Tae ran up to him, and kissed him.**

" **Gin-kun!" said Tae. "I'm so relieved!"**

" **It was nothing," said Gin. "Now, let's run off and get married."**

 **End**

"Thank god that's over," said Tae.

"IS IT OVER?!" shouted Kondo.

"No, there's still 10 more chapters!" shouted Tae.

"She's lying!" shouted Hijikata. "It's over!"

Tae lunged in to punch Hijikata, but he caught her fist.

"Tch," said Hijikata. "You think that can hurt me?"

However, Hijikata forgot that Tae had two fists, so she punched him in the face.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Gintoki-sama, your rent is due."

* * *

 _ **Hey guys!**_

 _ **I'd like to apologize about this chapter taking almost a week, I had a bunch of AP Summer Homework, as well as the fact that the DoTA 2 Summer battle pass is out!**_

 _ **Either way, I will ensure that I can update more frequently.**_ **じゃあね！**


	11. The uncanny valley is a place of horrors

"HOLY SHIT!" shouted Gin. "HIDE!"

"Gintoki-sama," said Tama. "You're a week late on rent. Pay up before I get to the count of 3."

Gin proceeded to look through his drawer, supposedly to find money. However, he was actually looking for a time machine. Unfortunately for Gin, he couldn't find one.

Suddenly Kyubei appeared behind him, and slipped an envelope in his hand.

"Uh, why'd you do that?" asked Gin.

"I need to get rid of this money," said Kyubei. "Apparently my family has been laundering it through a pizza franchise."

"Okay then," said Gin, who proceeded to hand the money to Tama.

"Hmm…" said Tama, as she counted the money. "This will do."

Gin sighed in relief. He wouldn't have to use Shinpachi's and Kagura's paycheck.

"Gintoki-sama," said Tama. "Why are you throwing a party here?"

"We discovered this thing called Fanfiction," said Shinpachi.

"None of them pair me with Gin-san," said Sacchan, who was sulking in a corner.

"None of them pair me with Otae-san," said Kondo, who was sulking in the bathroom.

"It's these weird stories about us," said Kagura. "In one of them, Zura is pregnant."

"I'm not pregnant, I'm Katsura," said Katsura.

"Huh," said Tama. "You've piqued my interest."

Kagura handed Tama the laptop.

"Here's one," said Tama.

 **Learning to be Alive**

 **By Roboman4**

 **Synopsis: Tama learns what it means to be human. GinTama shipping.**

"Oh god," said Gin.

"What's the matter?" asked Tama.

"You'll see," replied Gin.

 **Tama was at Snack Otose, doing work, as usual. But something was on her mind.**

 **It was that Samurai with the perm.**

"Oh my god, Gin-chan," said Kagura. "NOW YOU'RE A FUCKING SEVEN TIMER! AND YOU'RE CHEATING ON TSUKKI AGAIN! WITH A FUCKING ROBOT!"

"Can you not?" asked Tsukuyo. However, her plea was overshadowed by the fact that Kagura was beating up Gin.

 **Something about him struck a chord in her heart.**

"I don't think robots have hearts," said Shinpachi.

"I suggest you rephrase that," said Tama.

 **He was such an uncaring individual, yet a caring one. Such an idiot, yet so wise.**

"Oi!" shouted Gin. "I resent that!"

Unfortunately for Gin, no one could hear him over the sound of Kagura beating the shit out of him. At this point he knew she was doing it because she was bored, and not just because she was defending her favorite pairing, which was apparently him and Tsukuyo, who he didn't even like that much.

Fortunately for Gin, Kagura got bored with beating him up, and decided to listen to the story.

 **He was an impossibility, an anomaly, a-**

"I think we get it now," said Hijikata. "He's not normal."

"Says the Mayo addict," replied Gin.

"I think everyone in this series is weird," said Shinpachi.

 **He was so unique. And that's why she wanted to get closer to him.**

"Oh my god Tama," said Kagura. "I knew it."

"Knew what?" asked Tama.

"I knew you loved Gin-chan!" exclaimed Kagura. "Tsukki's gonna be so jealous!"

"I don't give a shit," said Tsukuyo.

"Um, Kagura-sama…" said Tama. "I don't love Gintoki-sama."

"YOU BETTER NOT!" shouted Sacchan.

 **Even after all those simulations with the Leukocyte King, she still couldn't manifest the courage to talk to him.**

"I would never do such a thing with him," said Tama. "He's just anti-virus software."

 **Luckily for her, Gin walked into Snack Otose.**

"Okay, now I really don't like where this is going," said Gin.

 **He noticed that Tama had been looking sad lately, and decided to comfort her.**

" **Oi, Tama," he said. "What's the matter?"**

" **Gintoki-sama, I'm confused," she said.**

" **How come?" he asked.**

" **Well every time I'm near you, I get this odd feeling in my chest. My sensors are overloaded, I can't process stuff, it's just… so unusual," she said, as she hugged him.**

"That doesn't happen to me," said Tama.

" **I know exactly what you're talking about," said Gin.**

" **What is it?" asked Tama.**

 **All of a sudden, Gin kissed her.**

The room went silent, and all eyes were on Gin and Tama.

"Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "That's so pathetic."

"EXCUSE ME?!" exclaimed Gin. "YOU LOVE OTSU, AND WE ALL KNOW YOU'LL NEVER GET HER!"

"HEY!" shouted Shinpachi. "AT LEAST SHE'S ALIVE, AND NOT A ROBOT! I COULD HAVE SEX WITH HER!"

"AS IF!" shouted Gin. "SHE'D NEVER SCREW A PAIR OF GLASSES!"

Shinpachi punched Gin, and Gin responded by putting him in a chokehold.

"I'm still curious about it," said Katsura.

"Y'know, so am I," said Sakamoto.

"WHY DO YOU GIVE A SHIT?!" exclaimed Gin.

"Because we haven't found anything interesting about ourselves yet," said Katsura.

"BUT WE JUST SAW ONE WHERE YOU WERE PREGNANT!" shouted Gin.

"I SAID INTERESTING, NOT DISGUSTING!" replied Katsura.

 **Tama felt an overwhelming flux of feeling in her body. Her sensors were overwhelmed, and she couldn't process what was happening to her, but she was certain about one thing.**

 **She was enjoying it.**

"I don't think a kiss could cause that," said Tama.

"Oh please," said Sacchan. "It can! That's why I crave Gin-san's lips!"

"I might as well give it a shot," said Tama. "Um, Gintoki-sama?"

"I'm in the middle of Choking Shinpachi, what do you wa-"

Tama's lips touched Gin's, but contrary to the fiction, she felt nothing at all. Absolutely nothing.

The look on Gin's face was a combination of surprise and horror. Luckily for him, the unholy union of Man and Machine only lasted five or six seconds.

"Well, I feel like I was mislead," said Tama. "No sensory overload, no new revelations, nothing."

However, the room was silent. Almost all of the people in the room were just so weirded out by what they just saw.

Except for Sacchan. She was pissed off at the fact that someone had stolen a kiss from him before she could.

"YOU FUCKING BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" exclaimed Sacchan, as she tried to pounce on Tama. However, Tama moved slightly, causing her to crash into Gin's room.

Gin got up, and proceeded to tape the door to his room shut.

"I think it's for the best," said Gin.

"You know, she's stuck in a room full of your stuff," said Hijikata. "She's probably gonna lick all of it or something."

Gin removed the tape from the door. He didn't want her to dirty all of his stuff. However, when he got in, he saw Sacchan in a very precarious position, wearing his clothes.

"Ohh… Mmmm… I like that Gin-san… yes I d-"

"WHAT HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" exclaimed Gin.

"CAN YOU NOT WALK IN ON ME WHEN I'M BUSY?!" exclaimed Sacchan, but her angered expression was changed to that of love when she saw Gin.

"Ohh… Gin-kun…" said Sacchan. "Can you help me… relieve some stress?"

"HELL NO!" exclaimed Gin. "NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Sacchan once again tackled Gin, and gave him Marshmellow hell once again.

"Make me."

Gin wasn't too pleased about the prospect of suffocating to death, so he pushed her off of him. Then, he grabbed her by the ear, and dragged her to the living room.

"Oi, boss," said Okita. "Your hair looks disheveled. Were you guys fucking or something?"

"HELL NO!" exclaimed Gin. "SHE TACKLED ME AND TRIED TO SUFFOCATE ME TO DEATH!"

"At least Otae-san won't suffocate me to death," said Kondo, as he walked out of the Bathroom.

"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!" exclaimed Tae, who kicked Kondo out of the Odd Jobs building, breaking the door in the process.

"YOU BROKE THE DOOR!" shouted Gin. "NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA ROB US!"

"WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO ROB YOU?!" exclaimed Tae. "YOU GUYS ARE DIRT POOR!"

"THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE DOOR!" replied Gin.

"Gin-san, calm down," said Kyubei, as she handed him a stack of 5000円.

Gin went silent. Then he spoke.

"Yea, this'll cover it."

"You know," said Sakamoto. "This fanfiction stuff would make a good drinking game."

"Yea!" exclaimed Hasegawa. "And there's a bar right below us!"

"I can pay for all of it," said Kyubei. "My family asked me to spend this ludicrous amount of money within a week, and this could help."

"Might as well have a drinking game, then," said Shinpachi.

"But Shin-chan," said Tae. "You and Kagura-chan aren't old enough to drink Sake."

"We'll just use Starluck's coffee flavored milk," said Kagura. "It should have roughly the same effect on our actions."

"Might as well go now," said Hijikata. "It's getting late."

And so they all walked down to Snack Otose, where they would read fanfiction, and get piss drunk.

However, Tama stopped Gin on his way down.

"Gintoki-sama," said Tama.

"What is it?" asked Gin.

"Can we pretend that didn't happen?"

"Already doing that."

* * *

 _ **Hey, it's the One Month Anniversary of the Fic!**_

 _ **Anyway, there's going to be an arc within this fanfiction, called…**_

 _ ***drumroll***_

 _ **The Drinking Game Arc**_

 _ **And I need your suggestions on what rules to input, as well as what stories to make them suffer through!**_

 _ **If you could post your rule suggestions in the review section, and PM me your story suggestions (or even a full blown story of your own making), then that would be awesome! After I get all of your submissions, then I will have you guys vote for the best ones!**_

 _ **The arc is probably going to be four to five chapters long, and after the arc, another ship will crash into Odd Jobs, bringing about more chaos to the story! (Guess who's on the ship?)**_

 **じゃあね！**


	12. Immortality is often a curse

_**Note: I do not own My Immortal. Not that I would want to.**_

* * *

"Alright!" said Gin, as he talked to all of the people inside of Snack Otose. "Here are the rules for the drinking game!"

Any time Gin is shipped with anyone, ever, take a sip. Take two if he's shipped with Tsukuyo or Tae, three if he's shipped with Hijikata or Katsura. Finish your drink if he's shipped with Shinsuke, Kagura, or an OC. (perpetualpoverty)

If you overreact and beat the shit out of someone, finish your drink. If it's because you're shipped with them, finish another drink. (perpetualpoverty)

 _ **(AN: If you're reading the fiction, finish your drink whenever someone does this.)**_

Take a sip every time the word "orbs" is used.

Take a sip every time a word is misspelled.

Finish your drink if there is a sex scene. Finish another drink if it is really descriptive. Finish another drink if it's poorly written.

Every time someone acts really out of character, take a sip.

Every time a Japanese word is used, take a sip. Take another sip if it's Kagura's "-aru". Take another sip if it's used incorrectly.

Take a sip every time there is an author's note.

"Gin-chan, who's perpetualpoverty?" asked Kagura.

"Some guy on the internet," replied Gin.

"Oi!" said Otose. "How are you gonna pay for this shit?!"

Kyubei walked up to Otose and handed her a check.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY!" exclaimed Otose.

"HOW ARE WE GONNA SPLIT THIS SHIT?" asked Catherine.

Meanwhile, Tama rolled out a projector and some cables, and hooked up Kagura's laptop to said projector. Hasegawa began giving beers to everyone (Starluck's Caffeinated Coffee-Flavored Milk for Shinpachi and Kagura), and Kagura pressed a button that took them to a random fanfiction.

 **My Immortal**

 **By** **XXXbloodyrists666XXX**

"What the hell is this shit?" asked Hijikata.

"Probably some emo teens online," replied Gin.

 **AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!**

"My god," said Shinpachi. "I think I have cancer now."

 **Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).**

Everyone received another drink.

"How can something be this terrible?!" exclaimed Hijikata.

"This is actually the worst one so far," said Okita.

 **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).**

"Like in Harry Potter?" asked Kagura. "I thought these were fics about us!"

"Be glad this one isn't about us!" exclaimed Gin. "I wouldn't want to live in this shitty universe!"

 **I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**

"How the hell can it snow and rain at the same time?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

" **Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Shinsuke Takasugi!**

"FUCKING SHIT!" exclaimed Gin. "IT IS ABOUT US!"

" **What's up Shinsuke?" I asked.**

" **Nothing." he said shyly.**

 **But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.**

 **AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!**

"This is so atrocious," said Katsura. "It's like a monkey wrote this!"

"Kondo-san," said Tae. "Did you write this?"

"HEY!" exclaimed Kondo. "WHY THE HELL WOULD I WRITE THIS SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT?"

 **Chapter 2**

 **AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!  
**

Everyone received another drink. **  
**

 **The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.**

"She sounds so ugly," said Sacchan.

 **My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)  
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Shinsuke Takasugi yesterday!" she said excitedly.**

"Do people actually talk like that?" asked Tama.

"No," replied Shinpachi. "No one talks like that."

 **"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.  
**

 **"Do you like Shinsuke?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.  
**

 **"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.  
**

 **"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Shinsuke walked up to me."Hi." he said.  
**

 **"Hi." I replied flirtily.**

"It's too repetitive," said Hijikata.

 **"Guess what." he said.  
**

 **"What?" I asked.  
**

 **"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.  
**

 **"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.  
**

 **"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.  
**

 **I gasped.**

"Poor bastard," said Gin.

 **Chapter 3.  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.  
**Everyone received a third drink. Tsukuyo's face was already red.

"THIS IS FUUUUCKING SHIT!" exclaimed Tsukuyo. "IT'S LIKE SOMEONE TOOK A FUUUCKING SHIT ON A KEYBOARD AND SMEARED IT ON THE WALL, AND THEN SMASHED THEIR FUUUCKING FACE ON IT!"

 **On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.**

"I don't think anyone just casually slits their wrists," said Shinpachi.

 **I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.**

 **I went outside. Shinsuke was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).**

"God, that's a horrible look, even on him," said Sakamoto.

 **"Hi Shinsuke!" I said in a depressed voice.**

"How does one shouted while being depressed?" asked Katsura.

 **"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.**

 **"You come in cold, you're covered in blood**

 **They're all so happy you've arrived**

 **The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom**

 **She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).**

"We know you don't," said Okita. "You probably couldn't write at that level."

 **"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Shinsuke, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.  
**

 **Suddenly Shinsuke looked sad.  
**

 **"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.  
**

 **"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.**

"People like Shinsuke?" asked Sakamoto.

"Well, there is this woman named Matako," replied Kagura. "I don't know what she sees in him, though."

"Probably her p****, said Okita."

"Wouldn't it be on the outside of his d***, though?" asked Katsura.

"WHY ARE YOU SO INTRESTED IN THE SEX LIVES OF TERRORISTS?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Speaking of which, Zura, did you bang Ikumatsu yet?" asked Gin.

"HELL NO!" exclaimed Katsura. "I WOULD NEVER! AND IT'S KATSURA, NOT ZURA!"

"But she's single," teased Gin. "And you know Women in their late 20's are often very.. *ahem* 'thirsty,' ya know."

"FUCK YOU, GINTOKI!" shouted Katsura. "I'M NOT A FUCKING MANWHORE LIKE YOU!"

"EXCUSE ME, YOU BASTARD?!" exclaimed Gin. "DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR ASS?!"

"OH YESSSSS PLEASE BEAT HIS ASS!" exclaimed Tae.

Shinpachi looked around the room. Clearly the alcohol was getting to them, thanks to the combination of the rules of the drinking game, and the fact that this fanfiction was in fact, the personification of cancer.

" **Really?" asked Shinsuke sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**

 **"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.**

 **The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Shinsuke. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Shinsuke and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Shinsuke didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!**

"Dear god," said Gin. "Is the long pause thing gonna become a trend?"

"I hope not," said Hijikata. "It's getting ridiculous."

 **Chapter 4.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! SHINSUKE IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

Everyone received another drink. By this point, most of the people in the room were piss drunk (except for Shinpachi and Kagura, who had caffeine highs.)

"FUCKING SHIT THIS BEER TASTES LIKE SHIT!" exclaimed Hijikata "IT NEEDS MORE MAYONAISE!"

Okay, maybe they weren't that drunk. But they were on the 4th drink, so they were starting to feel the effects.

 **"SHINSUKE!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"**

 **Shinsuke didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.**

 **"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.**

 **"Ebony?" he asked.**

 **"What?" I snapped.**

 **Takasygu leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness**

 **and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.**

 **And then… suddenly just as I Shinsuke kissed me passionately. Shinsuke climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of**

 **my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.**

Everyone had to down two drinks.

 **"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an o-**

"Okaaaaay, I really didn't need to know that," said Gin

 **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….**

Everyone downed a third drink. After this drink, it would be their 8th drink.

 **"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"**

"*Hic* THEY'RE FUCKIN' EACH OTHER, STUPID ASSHOLE!" slurred Tsukuyo.

 **It was….Matsudaira!**

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" exclaimed Gin. "I'M SICK OF THAT LONG ASS PAUSE!"

"Oh my god," said Katsura. "I never want to read something like that again."

"Yea," said Okita. "I-It's like getting Waterboarded by Mayonnaise *hic*."

"OI, TAKE THAT BACK, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" exclaimed Hijikata, who tried to stand up, but he failed at that, and fell on to Mutsu's lap.

"…Can you not?" asked Mutsu.

"Oi Mutsu, I think you finally found a boyfriend," said Sakamoto, to the disgust of both Hijikata and Mutsu.

"Fuck off!" exclaimed Mutsu, who punched her captain straight into a wall.

"Y'know, this is kind of comfortable," said Hijikata.

"And I'd be able to break your back right now," replied Mutsu. Hijikata got the memo, and stood up, and walked in a drunken stupor to where he was sitting before.

"Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "We should probably read something else. I can't believe that no one puked from that piece of garbage, and I don't want to tempt fate anymore."

"Yea, might as well change it," said Gin.

And so, they clicked on the random fanfiction button again, and prayed to RNGesus that they wouldn't end up with a pile of shit again.

* * *

 **EDIT 16/7/2016: There were some formatting issues when I first published this chapter, so I reformatted it so that it's more consistent with the other chapters.**


	13. Not all Masters are The Best

_**Note: I don't own Master of the Universe. And I don't want lawsuits, either.**_

* * *

 **Master of the Universe**

"Ohhh boy, a space opera!" exclaimed Sakamoto.

 **By Snowqueens Icedragon**

"The author seems like a fucking shitty-ass fantasy author," said Hijikata.

"Geez, calm your mouth," said Shinpachi.

"Go fuck yourself, glasses!" replied Hijikata, who at this point was somewhat drunk.

 **I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair, it just won't behave, and damn Tae for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I have tried to brush my hair into submission but it's not toeing the line. I must learn not to sleep with it wet. I recite this five times as a mantra whilst I try, once more, with the brush. I give up. The only thing I can do is restrain it, tightly, in a pony tail and hope that I look reasonably presentable.**

"God, this is so boring," said Kagura. "Can we skip it?"

"I think that the exposition is important," replied Shinpachi.

 **Tae is my roommate and she has chosen, okay, that's a bit unfair, because choice has had nothing to do with it, but she has the flu and as such cannot do the interview she's arranged with some mega industrialist for the student newspaper. So I have been volunteered. I have final exams to cram for, one essay to finish and I am supposed to be working this afternoon, but no - today - I have to head into downtown Seattle and meet the enigmatic CEO of Sakamoto Enterprise Holdings, Inc. Allegedly he's some exceptional tycoon who is a major benefactor of our University and his time is extraordinarily precious... much more precious than mine - and he's granted Tae an interview... a real coup she tells me... Damn her extra-curricular activities.**

"Nevermind, this is pretty boring," said Shinpachi. "I guess we'll skip around."

" **I'm here to see Mr. Sakamoto. Mutsu Yato for Tae Shimura."**

"I didn't know ya had a last name, Mutsu," said Sakamoto.

"I don't," replied Mutsu.

" **Excuse me one moment Miss Yato." She arches her eyebrow slightly as I stand self-consciously in front of her. I am beginning to wish I had borrowed one of Tae's jackets rather than wear my navy blue peacoat. I have made an effort and worn my one and only skirt. It's light brown, and I have sensible brown knee-length boots and a blue sweater. For me... this is smart. I tuck one of the escaped tendrils of my hair behind my ear as I pretend she doesn't intimidate me.**

Everyone received another drink.

"I swear, they make ya so out of character," said Sakamoto.

"At least we don't have to drink that much," said Gin. "That last story caused Tsukuyo to pass out."

"I'm glad Tsukki won't interfere between you and me!" exclaimed Sacchan.

"Sacchan, fuck off," replied Gin, as he poured the drink inside of Tsukuyo's mouth, which he had to open manually.

Tsukuyo woke up, with a coughing fit. Mostly because of the beer that Gin accidentally got in her nostrils.

"WHAT THE SHIT, DUMBASS?!" exclaimed Tsukuyo. "YOU COULD'VE DROWNED ME, YA KNOW!"

"Geez, you gotta drink with the rest of us," replied Gin. "You were supposed to have finished this drink al-"

Tsukuyo threw a punch at Gin's face mid-sentence, but because of the position of his lips at the time, he ended up accidentally kissing her fist.

The room turned towards Gin and Tsukuyo.

"I KNEW IT! I SOOOOO CALLED IT!" exclaimed Kagura, as she ran outside to do a victory dance.

Sacchan ran outside to cry. "WHY?! WHY DID GIN-SAN GIVE YOU A GESTURE OF LOVE?!"

And Tsukuyo was not pleased at Gin's supposed "Gesture of Love."

"YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD!" exclaimed Tsukuyo. "STOP HITTING ON ME!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO-" Gin was cut off by Tsukuyo suplexing him.

" **Miss Shimura..." he extends a long-fingered hand to me, once I'm stood. "I'm Tatsuna Sakamoto. Are you all right? Would you like to sit?"**

"Now you're out of character, Tatsuna!" exclaimed Katsura. "We know you'd never act like that!"

"Excuse me?!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "I know how to act like a gentleman! Isn't that right, Mutsu?"

"Uh, no," replied Mutsu. "You don't."

" **Mutsu Yato. I'm studying Linguistics with Tae... err Otae... err Miss Shimura at Washington State."**

"Why are they in America?" asked Shinpachi.

"I don't know," replied Gin. "Come to think of it, is Japan the only country in this series? What happened to all the other countries?"

"Either way, it's still boring as hell," said Okita. "Let's skip around some more."

" **Sorry," I stutter. "I'm not used to this."**

" **Take all the time you need Miss Yato," he says.**

" **Do you mind if I record your answers?"**

" **After you've taken so much trouble to set up the recorder... you ask me now?"**

 **I flush. He's teasing me... I hope... I blink at him and I think he takes pity on me because he relents.**

" **No, I don't mind."**

Everyone received another drink.

" **Did Tae... I mean Miss Shimura explain what the interview was for?"**

" **Yes, your student newspaper WSU Eyewitness. To appear in the graduation issue, as I shall be conferring the degrees at this year's graduation ceremony."**

"Boooring!" exclaimed Sacchan.

"I guess we should skip a few chapters," said Shinpachi.

" **Oh, fuck the paperwork," he growls and he lunges at me, pushing me against the wall of the elevator and before I know it, he's got both of my hands in one of his in a vice-like grip above my head, and he's pinning me to the wall using his hips... holy shit. His other hand grabs my ponytail and he yanks down, bringing my face up and his lips are on mine. It's only just not painful. I moan into his mouth, giving his tongue an opening and he takes full advantage, his tongue expertly exploring my mouth. I have never been kissed like this. My tongue tentatively strokes his and joins his in a slow erotic dance that's all about touch and sensation, all bump and grind. He brings his hand up to grasp my chin and holds me in place. I am helpless, my hands pinned, my face held and his hips restraining me. I can feel his erection against my belly... He wants me... Tatsuna Sakamoto, Greek god wants me. And I want him, here now, in the elevator.**

Everyone downed two drinks.

"Oh my god, Tatsuna!" exclaimed Katsura. "You have sex with your own subordinates?!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "HELL NO!"

"But doesn't it get lonely up in space?" teased Gin. "And Mutsu is quite a looker!"

Mutsu proceeded to slam Gin's head into the floor with her foot.

"You disgust me," said Mutsu. "And I'm pretty sure he has Space HPV."

"What's space HPV?" asked Kondo. "Is it like Earth HPV?"

"To be honest, I have no clue," replied Mutsu. "I'm just glad I don't have it."

"OI!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "I DON'T HAVE SPACE HPV! I'M CLEAN!"

"Just how much sex have you been having on all those other planets?" asked Gin.

"Okay, maybe like once or twice…" said Sakamoto, who trailed off.

"235 times," said Mutsu. "That's how many times I've had to wait for you so that we could leave."

"EXCUSE ME!" exclaimed Sakamoto. "SOMETIMES I GOTTA SEAL THE DEAL, YA KNOW!"

"Going to strip clubs on alien planets doesn't count as sealing the deal," replied Mutsu.

" **Hmm... I really like brunettes..." he murmurs, and both of his hands are in my hair, grasping each side of my head, and he pulls me to him, and kisses me deeply, his tongue pressing at my lips. I moan and my tongue tentatively meets his. He puts his arms around me and pulls me against his body squeezing me tightly. One hand remains in my hair and the other travels down my spine to my waist and then down to my behind. His hand flexes over my behind and gently squeezes. He grasps me tightly and pulls me against his hips... I can feel his erection, which he pushes into me... oh...**

Everyone downed two drinks.

"Damn Tatsuna," said Gin. "You seem to be really good a' that kind of shit."

"Hell yeah!" replied Sakamato. "You can't go wrong after 235 times!"

Meanwhile, Kyubei was on the phone.

"What?! You're out of Extremely Light Beer?!" she exclaimed. "And the next import is gonna take two days? We need Extremely Light Beer, otherwise this drinking game will kill our livers! And no, Super Light Beer won't work! That stuff gets you drunk on your 10th drink! We need to stay buzzed until drink 20 at least! Argh! Fine, where can I get Super Light Beer? Oedo Market? Okay, thanks. Bye."

"Who were you on the phone with, Kyu-chan?" asked Tae.

"Edo Brewing Company," replied Kyubei. "They're gonna send more beer over to here."

"Oh wow!" exclaimed Tae. "How are you gonna pay for it?"

"I won the lottery," replied Kyubei, who was lying. Tae would never know about her family's "Secret Business" and also their ownership of the now defunct Pizza Mutt.

" **Come for me, Mutsu," he whispers breathlessly and I unravel at his words, exploding around him, as I reach my climax and splinter into a million pieces underneath him. And as he comes he calls out my name, thrusting hard and stilling as he empties himself into me.**

Everyone downed a drink.

"Why only one?" asked Shinpachi.

"This is the same scene," replied Gin. "To be honest though, this is kind of weirding me out."

"Yea, this is getting kind of weird," said Shinpachi.

"I guess we could change it," said Gin.

"Please, for the love of god, change it," said Mutsu, who was acting somewhat out of character at this point. "I'm getting sick at the thought of having sex with him. I just want to puke already."

"But then you'll have to down another drink," replied Gin.

"Doesn't matter," replied Mutsu.

Katsura handed her a bag, and she went outside to puke in it. When she came back, she received another drink, and downed it.

"You know, it's getting kind of quiet," said Okita. "It's like someone's missing…"

"Didn't Kagura-chan go outside to celebrate something?" asked Tae.

"She didn't come back though," replied Katsura.

The room went silent at the revelation that Kagura was missing.

"Eh, I think she'll be fine," said Gin. "If some pedophile were to try and violate her, she'd probably kick his ass."

"Uh, Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "We're more afraid of what she'll do to people than what people will do to her."

"I got this," said Kondo. "Hi Saito-san. We're looking for this short red haired girl with these hair attachments. Can you get her and bring her to Snack Otose? Thanks."

"What did he say?" asked Tae.

"He didn't say anything," replied Kondo. "Mostly because he's nonverbal."

"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE EVEN PICKED UP THE CALL?!" exclaimed Tae.

"The thing didn't go 'please leave a message' so he definitely picked it up."

"Maybe you should text the silent fuck, just to be sure," said Hijikata.

Kondo proceeded to send a text message. Five Minutes later, he got a reply.

"Well, what does it say?" asked Hijikata.

 _Kondo-san, I nearly crashed into a building while looking for the girl, because I was reading your textz_

 _BTW, I still didn't find her but I just saw this red blury thingz_

 _GTG byez_

"I think that was Kagura-chan," said Shinpachi.

"I'm gonna text that robot fucker Yamazaki and tell him to go help Saito," said Hijikata.

"I think we're just about covered," said Gin. "Let's see what else the internet can do to disappoint us tonight."

And so, he clicked a button that took him to a random fic, and once again prayed to RNGesus that he wouldn't get another sexual fic.

* * *

 _ **Hey guys!**_

 _ **I'm going to be on hiatus from 23/7/2016 to 28/7/2016, (D/M/Y) as I am going on a trip.**_

 _ **In addition, school is starting up soon, so I might not be able to post chapters as frequently (maybe once every two weeks, hopefully.)**_

 ** _Either way, there's going to be 2 to 3 more chapters in the drinking game arc, and then I'll introduce more characters!_**


	14. RNGesus is a fickle mistress

**Un futuro para Gin-san**

"Wrong language," said Gin. And so he clicked on the random fanfiction button.

 **I Love You (Hiji x Gin)**

"NO!" exclaimed Hijikata and Gin in unison.

"I WANNA READ IT!" exclaimed Tae, but by the time she got to the computer, she saw a different fanfic.

 **For the Future**

"Huh, this seems normal," said Gin.

 **By VrogrostheUnderlord**

 **Synopsis: Tae and Kondo are married and-**

"Change it," said Tae.

"WAIT!" exclaimed Kondo. "I WANNA SEE!"

 **Mary-Sue to the rescue!**

"I don't think so," said Tae. "Change it."

"Wait, we don't even know who Mary-Sue is," said Gin.

"Uh Gin-san, remember that perfect girl we read about earlier?" asked Shinpachi.

"The one with the 32F boobs?" replied Gin.

"That was a Mary-Sue," said Shinpachi. "They're generally hated by the fandom of series because they're so boring, and badly written."

"I don't see what's wrong with them," replied Gin.

So they decided to read a few Mary-Sue fics.

 _A few Mary-Sue Fics later…_

"Okay, I'm sick of that," said Gin. "Thankfully, this alcohol also works as brain bleach."

 **Gintama: 4Kids edition**

 **By 4kidsEntertainment**

"Huh, 4Kids Entertainment," said Gin. "What do they do?"

"I think they produce children's cartoons," replied Shinpachi.

 **In the land of America, where democracy and freedom reign, Aliens called Amant invaded the capital of Washington D.C, and forced the presidency to surrender.**

"This sounds horrible," said Gin.

"Um, Gin-san," replied Shinpachi. "This kind of sounds like Gintama."

 **However, the militias throughout the states attempted to fight off the Amant, despite having inferior technology. However, despite their numerous victories, the Amant depleted them of their resources, and forced them to surrender, as well as enforcing a ban on all weapons.**

"Okay, this is defiantly Gintama," said Gin.

 **Meet our hero, Gin Sakota, a half Cherokee soldier who fought in the war for independence against the Amant-**

"Good lord, they botched my name," said Gin.

 **Gin runs a handyman shop in New York, where he and his companions do good deeds.**

"And they botched the purpose of Odd Jobs."

 **With his young compatriot Smith, Gin's apprentice**

"They didn't even spare you, Shinpachi."

 **and Kagra, an Amant with super strength. Together, they work tirelessly to improve their community.**

"I think that's enough," said Gin.

And so he clicked on the random fanfiction button again.

 **Why What Want Who**

"Huh?" said Shinpachi. "What does that mean?"

 **By Metapsychology**

 **555**

The room was confused.

"The fuck is this shit?!" exclaimed Hijikata.

"Dunno," replied Gin. "But it's better than everything else we've read, so might as well keep going."

 **No one to know one.**

 _ **D5 2X**_ _ **66**_

 **QWERTY**

 **MID OR FEED**

 **ADD TECHIES; REMOVE TECHIES**

"Techies is pretty cancerous, not gonna lie," said Sakamoto.

"He deserves some kind of buff," replied Katsura. "You get reported just for picking him."

 **DICKS OUT FOR HARAMBE**

 **BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

"What's with the misspelling of Blue?" asked Tae.

 _ **f(x)**_ _ **x(x!)**_

 _ **g(x)**_ _ **f(x + 5)**_

 **solve for** _ **f(g(x)) + g(f(x + 2x!))**_

 **A222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222**

 **2META2FAST**

 **subscribe to fdsa4321lbp22 on YouTube**

"What's with that oddly specific message?" asked Kondo.

 ** _What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the_** _ **USA**_ ** _and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo._**

 _"Oh shit," said Katsura. "They're on to me."_

 _"This is just some shitty copypasta," replied Okita. "But we're still on to you."_

 **Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)**

The entire room groaned.

"Wait," said Shinpachi. "That's the only line from that awful story."

 **DO A BARREL ROLL**

 **FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY**

 **DOWN SIDE UP**

 **RELENTLESS**

 **RIP Blue Devils**

 **12345678765432135853146864123454321234567851**

 **メ** **through the heart**

 **DOOT DOOT**

 **JOHN CENA**

 **FDOKSFNDASPOKGFNAOGMRFD[GMDFSKLGHMH;KMST;YM;RTMLEWTKREWLTKPR[EWTOER**

"I swear, it gets worse as we go on," said Shinpachi.

"It's still better than the other stuff we've read so far," said Gin. "And we don't have to drink as much, too."

 **hi every1 im new! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m! lol…as u can see im very random! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show! bcuz its** **SOOOO** **random! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!** **  
** **DOOOOOMMMM** **! - me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!** **  
** **love and waffles,** **  
t** **3h PeNgU1N oF d00m**

The group had taken numerous drinks after reading that.

"FUCKING SHIT!" exclaimed Hijikata. "RIGHT AT THE END, IT PULLS THAT SHIT!"

"Wait, it's not over," said Okita. "There's more."

 **We're no strangers to love  
You know the rules and so do I  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy**

 **I just want to tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand**

 **Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**

"I think we just got Rickrolled," said Shinpachi.

"We did," replied Gin.

"Fuck this," said Shinpachi. "I'm going home. The internet has let me down too many times."

And so Shinpachi walked home, with his faith in humanity at a low point.

However, since Kyubei was paying for all of the alchohol, the remaining adults decided to get piss drunk off of Sake and Whisky and Vodka and the like.

* * *

 _ **I'm sorry if this chapter was rather short. The original version was going to be a Shinpachi Roast fest, but then I lost the original version due to my computer running updates without saving my work. As a result, I ended up just tossing some memes around and formed this sorry excuse for a chapter. The chapter after this will mark the end of the drinking game arc, and some evil faces are going to show up afterwards...**_

 _ **Also, I have school now, so chapters won't be posted as often as I had posted them in the summer.**_


	15. Alcohol is the top cause of Humiliation

6月7日01:00:23― Snack Otose

" _Kanpai! We're finally rid of all of this shitty fanfiction! Time to drink!"_

"Um, Gintoki-sama, I'm gonna go put the projector away in the storage closet."

" _Okay, Tama-chan!"_

01:00:45

" _Oh yeah… you sexy thing…"_

"Katsura-sama, that's a mop."

" _Shaadap! This is Ikumatsu-chan! Isn't that *hic* right?"_

 _*slosh slosh*_

"Okay then…"

01:02:16

"Did any of you guys see Gintoki-sama?"

"He went upstairs with Mutsu."

"Oh. Okay."

01:03:43― Odd Jobs

"Gintoki-sama?"

" _Oh yes…"_

" _Oh my god you're going faster…"_

" _Oh my god this feels amazing…"_

"Um, Gintoki-sama? What are you doing with Mutsu-sama?"

" _GAH! CAN YOU NOT WALK IN ON US?"_

"Where do you want me to put the laptop?"

" _JUST PUT IT IN KAGURA'S CLOSET! AND DON'T WALK IN ON US AGAIN!"_

"Why not?"

" _NO ONE LIKES BEING INTERUPPTED IN THE MIDDLE OF MARIO KART!"_

"Yes, I understand, but why are both you naked?"

" _WE WERE PLAYING STRIP MARIO KART!"_

"Where's the Wii?"

" _WE'RE USING AN EMULATOR!"_

"Okay. Sorry about that."

01:04:20― Snack Otose

"Gintoki-sama and Mutsu-sama were playing Strip Mario Kart on an Emulator."

"Oh my fucking god that sounds fun as shit! I'll head up! And can you hold this, Tama?"

"Okay."

 _Item Scanned: Mayonnaise Bottle_

01:05:13 ― Odd Jobs

" _AAAAAHHHHH!"_

" _HOLY FUCK I'M SO SORRY!"_

" _WHY DOESN'T ANYONE KNOCK?!"_

" _I ASSUMED YOU WERE PLAYING MARIO KART!"_

" _WE'RE NAKED AND IN A ROOM TOGETHER! WHY WOULD WE BE PLAYING MARIO KART?!"_

" _TAMA TOLD ME YOU THIRSTY FUCKS WERE PLAYING MARIO KART!"_

" _WHAT THE SHIT? SHE TOOK THAT SERIOUSLY?!"_

" _Um, guys, what's with all the- HOLY SHIT KINTOKI!"_

" _AAAAHHHH! FUCK SAKAMOTO I'M SO SORRY, SHE WAS COMING ON TO ME!"_

" _BULLSHIT! YOU WERE HITTING ON ME!"_

" _I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO YOU SLEEP WITH KINTOKI!"_

" _GOD DAMN IT I WANTED TO PLAY MARIO KART!"_

" _WELL LET'S INSTALL AN EMULATOR ON TO KAGURA'S LAPTOP THEN!"_

" _GOOD IDEA!"_

" _WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!"_

" _I DON'T KNOW!"_

01:06:14― Snack Otose

"Katsura-sama, that's still a mop you're kissing."

 _*slosh slosh* "Mmmph! Mmmph!"_

" _Uh Tama, can you come up here? We're experiencing a problem with the Laptop."_

"Okay, Hijikata-sama."

01:07:14― Odd Jobs

" _So we downloaded the Emulator, but fucking Sakamoto clicked this ad that said 'Hot Horny Singles in your area!' and the stupid fuck clicked on it, and now the laptop has a virus."_

" _Oi! We're with drunken young women! I thought there would be more around us!"_

" _It's a miracle he hasn't given the ship a virus."_

"Let me see what I can do."

01:07:15 ― Kagura's Laptop

"Um, excuse me Virus-san, but could you please leave?"

" _No."_

"Prepare for annihilation."

" _Okay. I bet you won't do anything to me."_

 _*click*_

 _*BOOM!*_

" _ARGH!"_

Virus Scan Results: 0

01:07:48 ― Odd Jobs

"It's gone."

" _Alright! Now can you configure these wireless controllers to work with the Emulator?"_

"Okay."

01:07:50 ― Kagura's Laptop

"Excuse me Emulator-san, but could you connect with these controllers."

" _No. It's too much effort."_

01:08:00 ― Odd Jobs

"Um, Gintoki-sama, what do I do now?"

" _Try to seduce it or something, I dunno?"_

"How would I seduce it?"

" _Just take off your clothes."_

"Like this?"

*fwoomph*

" _Uh… not exactly…"_

*snap*

" _Was that really necessary, Tatsuna?"_

" _You gotta take pictures of stuff that happens once in a lifetime, ya know?"_

" _Either way, here's how you're supposed to do it."_

*click*

" _Pornhub? Seriously?"_

" _Don't worry, I won't bust it out, we have Cyborg Harambe."_

1:19:43

"So I just wear almost nothing?"

" _Yep."_

"Do I have to do that wrestling thing they do after?"

" _Not unless you want to."_

"Okay."

01:20:06 ― Kagura's Laptop

"Oh Emulator-kun~!"

" _What do you want this tim- HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF SKIN!"_

"Say, if you help me hook up these controllers, I'll let you hook up your USB with my port~"

" _Um… I uh.. I d-don't believe y-you…"_

"Oh really?"

*fwoomph*

"Do you believe me now?"

" _HOLY MELONS YES I DO!"_

01:56:32 ― Odd Jobs

" _What took you so long?"_

"I let him stick his USB into my port."

" _Why?!"_

"A promise is a promise."

" _Did you at least use Anti-virus?"_

"Yes."

" _Alright, then. Thank you, Tama-chan!"_

"No problem."

01:57:03 ― Snack Otose

"I wonder what Mayonnaise tastes like?"

*slurp*

"Oh right, I have no taste buds."

" _Heyyyy you sexy thing…"_

"Oh, hello Okita-sama."

" _Can you give me some *hic* sugar?"_

"Okay?"

*hurk*

"There you go."

" _Nevermind…"_

"Hmm? What's the matter?"

" _I meant something else when I said sugar?"_

"You wanted Splenda instead?"

" _No…"_

"Simple Syrup?"

" _No…"_

"Brown Sugar?"

" _Tama-chan, what I *hic* mean by sugar is uh… well… just let me demonstrate…"_

"Oh, okay."

*smooch*

"Okay? Is that it?"

*shlick*

"Wait, I think you're hitting one of my switches-"

*bzzt*

"Assault Mode Activated."

" _Oh fuck-"_

*RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*

" _AUGH!"_

*RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*

" _GOOD LORD I'M SO SORRY I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!"_

" _I'LL FIX HER!"_

*BASH*

*bzt*

Shutting Down….

02:12:37 ― Snack Otose

Booting Up…

" _Is she awake?"_

"Yes, I'm awake."

" _Sorry about that Tama-chan. I hit you with a mop to knock you out."_

" _YOU KILLED IKUMATSU-CHAN!"_

"Oh, I understand."

" _THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU BASTARDS KILLED IKUMATSU-CHAN!"_

" _Shaddap! That was just a mop!"_

" _NO IT WASN'T! IT WAS IKUMATSU-CHAN! I WAS MAKING OUT WITH HER!"_

" _Um… ew…"_

" _I SWEAR, I WILL KILL YOU BASTARDS RIGHT NOW IF-"_

*BASH*

" _God, he was getting annoying."_

" _I'm gonna go drink just to forget that I heard he was doing that with the mop."_

" _Same."_

" _LET'S DRINK! KANPAI!"_

"I'm gonna go check on Gintoki-sama."

02:17:52 ― Odd Jobs

" _FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

" _GODDAMN BLUE SHELLS!"_

" _YES! OH MY GOD I'M IN 1_ _ST_ _PLACE!"_

" _NOT FOR LONG YA BITCH!"_

" _EAT MY ASS YA ASSHOLE!"_

"Are you guys okay?"

" _SHUT UP, WE'RE BUSY!"_

"Oh, okay."

" _BOOM!"_

" _OH FUCK YOU!"_

" _CHEEEEEEYAAAA!"_

" _MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!"_

" _YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY GRIP TIGHTER!"_

*TWEET!*

" _FUCK YEA!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

"Um, guys?"

"Oh, what is it Tama?"

"Want anything to drink?"

"Could you get us some Dr. Salty?"

"Okay."

02:20:47 ― Snack Otose

"Otose-sama, where do we keep the Dr. Salty?"

"In the Storage Closet."

"Okay. Thank you."

*shuffle*

"Aha! There you are!"

*shuffle*

Item Scanned: 6 Pack of Dr. Salty

"I should probably pick up another pack."

Item Scanned: 6 Pack of Dr. Salty (2)

"There we go."

02:22:02 ― Odd Jobs

" _FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

" _GODDAMN BLUE SHELLS!"_

" _YES! OH MY GOD I'M IN 1_ _ST_ _PLACE!"_

" _NOT FOR LONG YA BITCH!"_

" _EAT MY ASS YA ASSHOLE!"_

"Guys?"

" _SHUT UP, WE'RE BUSY!"_

"Oh, okay."

" _BOOM!"_

" _OH FUCK YOU!"_

" _CHEEEEEEYAAAA!"_

" _MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!"_

" _YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY GRIP TIGHTER!"_

*TWEET!*

" _FUCK YEA!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

"Um, guys?"

" _Oh, what is it Tama?"_

"I brought the Dr. Salty."

" _Thank you Tama!"_

"No problem."

" _Could you go get some ice and cups too?"_

"Okay."

02:22:45 ― Snack Otose

"Otose-sama , do we have cups and ice?"

" _I don't think so; you're going to have to walk to the convenience store._

"Okay."

02:23:02 ― Kabuki-cho

"Time to turn on the GPS."

" _Walk down this street for 3km. The convenience store will be on your right."_

*shuffle shuffle*

02:35:52 ― Convenient Konbini

*Ding*

" _いっらしゃいませ_ _! How may I help you?"_

"Can I get a bag of Ice, and this pack of red cups?"

" _Alright, that will be 1500_ _円_ _."_

"Here you go."

" _Wait, miss, how are you gonna prevent the ice from melting?"_

"I have a stomach compartment."

" _Wait, wha-"_

*squeak*

*slam!*

" _Oh, o-okay… have a good night…"_

02:38:07 ― Kabuki-cho

"GPS?"

" _Walk down this street for 3km. Snack Otose will be on your right."_

*shuffle shuffle*

02:42:04 ― Odd Jobs

" _FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

" _GODDAMN BLUE SHELLS!"_

" _YES! OH MY GOD I'M IN 1_ _ST_ _PLACE!"_

" _NOT FOR LONG YA BITCH!"_

" _EAT MY ASS YA ASSHOLE!"_

"Um-"

" _SHUT UP, WE'RE BUSY!"_

"Oh, okay."

" _BOOM!"_

" _OH FUCK YOU!"_

" _CHEEEEEEYAAAA!"_

" _MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!"_

" _YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY GRIP TIGHTER!"_

*TWEET!*

" _FUCK YEA!"_

" _SON OF A BITCH!"_

"Um, guys?"

" _Oh, what is it Tama?"_

"I got the Cups and Ice."

" _Thank you, Tama!"_

02:42:45 ― Snack Otose

" _Low Battery Detected."_

"Oh. I'd better charge up in the closet."

*plug*

*bzzt*

"Sleep Mode Activated."

05:30:25 ― Snack Otose

*BOOM!*

"Powering on."

"Hm? What's going on?"

" _GOD DAMN IT TAKECHI WHY'D YOU CRASH THE SHIP?!"_

" _I was reading an email on my phone…"_

" _BULLSHIT, YOU WERE PROBABLY WATCHING OREIMO AGAIN!"_

" _Excuse me, but I only watch Oreimo for the Complex plot and the character development."_

" _YEA, AND I'M IN LOVE WITH BANSAI!"_

" _Aiya, what's up with all this shouting in the morning?"_

" _TAKECHI CRASHED THE SHIP!"_

" _I didn't crash it, I merely landed it in the middle of Kabuchi-cho. This is part of the plan to overthrow the Bakufu."_

" _WELL WHAT VALUE DOES THIS AREA HAVE?!"_

" _I believe that Gintoki Sakata, AKA the Shiroyasha, one of Shinsuke-Sama's former allies, lives here. If we can either convert him to our ideology, or kill him, then we can further our agenda."_

" _Gintoki Sakata? That Samurai with the Silver Hair?"_

" _Uh, I think so. Shinsuke-sama said something about him being a fierce warrior or something…"_

" _Heh."_

" _Kamui-san, what are you doing?"_

"Hahaha. Ha. Ha. Hahahahahaha. Ahahahahahah! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH HELL YES, I'M GONNA GET A REAL GOOD FIGHT THIS TIME!"_

 _"Oh great, he's gonna jump into the building."_

*whoosh*

"SHIROYASHA _! PREPARE TO DIE!"_

* * *

 ** _So it's been a while since I've made a chapter._**

 ** _I had this chapter planned from the beginning, and I started work after publishing Chapter 14, but it took me two months to write due to life getting in my way (APUSH notes are relentless.)_**

 ** _Luckily I'm on break from 10/10/16 to 10/14/16, and I have no break homework, so I think I could publish a chapter, or make some major progress in one, during this time. Unfortunately, I cannot make any promises, as I have other commitments, as well._**

 ** _Either way, expect another chapter some time before the end of 2016._**

 ** _ホイじゃ! (Hiroshima Dialect way of saying "じゃね!")_**


	16. You never know who is stalking you

Kamui crashed through the wall of Odd Job, ready to battle the Shiroyasha. However, he saw something quite surprising.

The Shiroyasha was naked, and lying on a futon, with a Uii controller in his hand.

"Oi, could you not make so much noise? I have a killer headache."

Kamui looked at the Shiroyasha, and tilted his head off to the side. Then, a woman popped out from under the covers, just as nude and hungover as the Shiroyasha. And she also had a Uii controller.

"Well I guess there could be worse things to wake up to," she said. And then, a man with Black Hair, who smelled faintly of Mayonnaise, popped up, who was also hungover, etcetera, etcetera.

Kamui was visibly surprised at this, but he kept his mouth shut, as he figured if he said anything, more people would pop out from under the covers. Unfortunately for Kamui, he was proved wrong when a man with Sunglasses and ruffled hair popped out, luckily not naked, but instead, he was wearing the attire of Elvis Presley.

"Umm…" Kamui began to say, but he trailed off when a weird Duck-Monster hybrid popped out from under the covers. The fact that no one was questioning its presence confused Kamui even more, and Kamui decided at that moment to leave. He'd seen enough weirdness in that one moment, and had decided that he didn't want to experience any more. Kamui proceeded to jump back onto the street.

Matako noticed that Kamui facial expression was a weird mixture of disgusted and confused, so she decided to ask Kamui about what happened.

"What exactly did you see up there?"

"I don't think you'd want to know…"

When your team's Blood Knight is disgusted by something, you know it has to be on a whole new level of fucked up. So Matako decided not to check out the situation, instead opting to tell her beloved Shinsuke-sama about it.

Meanwhile, Gin went to his closet to get dressed, as he had lost all of his clothing to Sakamoto in the game of Mario Kart that was played the previous night. Somehow Sakamoto managed to trade all of their clothes in for an Elvis costume, and as a result, Mutsu and Hijikata both lost all of their clothing. However, since Gin wore the same outfit every day, he had two exact copies of his outfit in his closet, which he proceeded to give to them.

"What the hell is this?!" exclaimed Hijikata. "This looks fucking stupid!"

"Would you rather go out naked?" asked Gin.

Hijikata reluctantly put on the Athletic Shirt and Yukata combo on. Mutsu had put the Shirt and Kimono on too. Gin grabbed Sakamoto, who was wearing an Elvis costume, and Elizabeth, who was surprisingly not hungover. When they reached Snack Otose, they saw a sight most frightening.

It was Takasugi and the Kihetai, having a Standoff with the customers of the Snack Bar, which happened to include various compatriots of Gin. Somehow they managed to recover from their hangovers more quickly than Gin had, as he saw that they had their blades drawn, and were ready for a fight. And as soon as Takasugi locked eyes with Gin, he lunged at him with his blade, ready to kill the Shiroyasha.

However, to Takasugi's disgust, Gin ended up vomiting on Takasugi, stopping him mid-charge. And for a few moments, it seemed like Dio had used his Stand, at least until Takasugi opened his mouth.

"Oi, Gintoki," said Takasugi.

"Mhm," slurred Gin in reply.

"Do you have a shower?" asked Takasugi.

"Why don't you use the one on your ship?" replied Gin.

"We're trying to save power," said Takechi, who had abruptly butted in. "Space Gasoline is quite expensive these days."

"Why not buy it from Space Australia?" asked Sakamoto. "I get all my Space Gasoline from a guy named Jeice who lives there, and it's super cheap."

"Huh," replied Takechi. "I'll look into it."

"That doesn't answer my question," said Takasugi. "Do you have a shower or not?"

"We do," replied Gin. "Do you have a change of clothes?"

"Of course," replied Takasugi. "I'll just have someone deliver it to the bathroom for me."

"I'll deliver it!" exclaimed Matako, excitedly.

"Okay then," said Takasugi. "I'm gonna go up now."

"The bathroom's just on the right as you enter," said Gin.

"Why are you being so hospitable to a terrorist?" asked Hijikata.

"Because he didn't try to immediately kill me after I puked on him," replied Gin.

At this point, Hijikata was also hungover, and didn't question Gin's logic.

"So why exactly are you all gathered here?" asked Takechi. "I don't see why Odd Jobs, the Shinsengumi, and Joi would be all here together without all of you killing each other."

"Well, Kagura-chan recently got a laptop, and found this weird site called fanfiction dot net," replied Shinpachi. "It has these weird stories about us, and most of them are quite poorly written."

"Interesting," replied Takechi. "Where is the laptop?"

"It's upstairs," replied Tama. "I'll get it." And so she went up the stairs to get the laptop, not expecting cries to come out of the bathtub.

"OHH SHINSUKE-SAMA YOUR MUSCLES ARE SO HUGE I JUST WANNA- "

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE, I LOCKED THE DOOR!"

"THAT'S A SECRET~ ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE'RE ALONE, I WANNA- "

"WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF?"

*Splash*

Tama continued walking, figuring it was none of her business, and proceeded to retrieve the laptop from the closet, and on her way back, the door to the bathroom opened, releasing a blast steam, and a mostly unclothed Takasugi, who was wearing a towel around his waist. Luckily for him, his obsessive and hormonal admirer was tricked into making out with a wall through means unknown, and which I'd rather not delve into.

"Oh, hello," said Tama.

"Can you go downstairs and ask Takechi to get me another change of clothes? I left them in the shower because Matako was being hormonal again," replied Takasugi

"Okay," replied Tama.

"And uh, can I hide somewhere? Mostly because Matako will probably figure out that she's making out with a wall at some point."

"Hide in Gintoki-Sama's room, I'm sure he won't mind."

"Okay, thank you."

Tama proceeded to walk downstairs, and place the laptop down on a table. She then proceeded to go into the closet to grab the projector, where she found Katsura lying on the floor, next to a half-broken mop. She didn't recall him moving into the closet after he had been knocked out the previous night by an angry Tae.

"Oh god damn it someone shoot me," groaned Katsura.

"Okay," said Tama, as she somehow converted her hand into a gun.

"WOAH I WASN'T BEING SERIOUS!" replied Katsura, who was suddenly much more alert.

"Okay then," replied Tama, who reformed her hand from its previous gun form. She then proceeded to wheel out the projector, and then hooked up the laptop to said projector. Tama then logged into Kagura's account, which surprisingly didn't have a password.

"Why doesn't she have a password?" asked Tae. "Anyone could get into her account!"

"She just got this yesterday," replied Gin. "And besides, she would probably put something like 'password' or 'seaweed' or something like that, so it would be moot."

Tama proceeded to access the fanfiction dot net website, and then all of a sudden, Takasugi rushed down the stairs, wearing one of the many sets Gin's outfits that were in his closet. Behind him was a furious Matako.

"WHY DID YOU TRICK ME INTO MAKING OUT WITH THE WALL? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!" screamed Matako, who was now wearing the clothes that she had taken up for Takasugi after Gin puked on his previous. She chased him around the room, and eventually she tackled him.

Takasugi responded by opening his left eye, which seemed to have been destroyed in battle. And his left eye revealed something even more sinister.

"Tsukiyomi," stated Takasugi, and Matako instantly slumped to the ground and started to foam at the mouth.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET A MANGEKYOU SHARRINGAN?!" exclaimed Gin. "THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"This is an implant," replied Takasugi. "What else was I gonna do?"

"You make a valid point," said Gin.

Tama proceeded to click on the random fanfiction button, and read the title of the Fanfiction.

 **After the End: A Journal**

"Seems cryptic," said Gin.

 **By Gogone147**

 **Synopsis: After a long war against the Amanto, a warrior returns home defeated.**

"It was more like every single one of us who fought, ever," replied Gin.

 **It seemed like it was the end of the world.**

"Well we had just lost a war with aliens," noted Katsura.

 **The Empire of Japan, the proud land of the rising sun, had been unceremoniously been conquered once and for all by the Amanto. Entire cities were left in ruins, and the Shogun no longer cared about his people.**

"Good thing Sadasada got his just desserts," said Shinpachi.

 **All I did was wander from town to town, working odd jobs, sleeping on the streets, and in general, barely stay alive. It was a painful existence, and even sleep didn't save me from it; every night, in my dreams, I was forced to relive the war, and watch my comrades get slain by the Amanto over and over again.**

"That sounds horrific," said Tae, who was shocked at the suffering that this former warrior faced.

"Yea, that's what it was like for all of us," said Takasugi. "Most of the Joi War veterans to this day remain homeless and starving, if they already hadn't died."

 **And one cold winter morning, I felt like it was going to be end.**

"I do recall almost dying in a graveyard in the snow," said Gin, who was nonchalantly eating some leftover pizza from the day before.

"You sure that was properly refrigerated?" asked Hijikata.

"Of course," replied Gin. "I put everything in the refrigerator. It miraculously fit together in one box."

"Um, Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "That's because no one would touch the ½ mayo ½ azuki bean pizza."

 **Ironically, I was in a graveyard at the time, sitting behind some old man's grave. I felt death's freezing touch all around my body (although that might have been because I was wearing a simple Yukata in the winter.) All of a sudden, I heard someone walk up to the grave, and place an offering.**

"I'm starting to get a sense of Déjà Vu," said Gin.

 **I heard the voice of a woman, perhaps in her 50's or 60's, pray to her deceased husband. Considering the fact that I was starving to death at the time, I figured that taking the offering was the best option, and so I waited for her to leave, and then I took the plate and ate its contents. Manju. The taste of the sweet azuki bean paste filled me with warmth, and I drifted into unconsciousness for a few moments. I didn't expect her to return though, and as soon as she saw the empty plate that I had left, she spoke.**

"Oh my god," said Gin. "That's actually what happened to me."

"Really?" asked Katsura. "That must have been horrible."

"I'd say it's only slightly better than constantly being homeless, usually starving, and constantly chased by the Shinsengumi," replied Gin. "Granny, come here, you should see this."

Otose walked over, and looked at the screen. She and Gin read the dialogue between them, and it was a perfect transcription of their conversation that fateful day.

"You know, the fact that people on the internet know about our lives down to our individual conversations is quite creepy," said Otose. "It feels a lot like the Truman Show."

"Considering we are inside of a Manga series that is currently being adapted into an Anime, this isn't really surprising."

And before they could continue to debate their existence within an entertainment medium, a car rolled up to the front of Snack Otose, and three people walked in.

"We found this girl wandering around Edo after curfew, and you, Gintoki Sakata, are supposedly her legal guardian."

* * *

 _ **Sorry it took so long to update this story. Life decided to get in my way.**_

 _ **I have a storyboard (just a general plotline) for the entire fic, it's just that I have other things in life (like school) that get in my way.**_

 _ **However, I've started using Google Docs as a medium for these stories, as it allows me to work from anywhere, rather than just my computer, so expect a chapter within a few weeks.**_

 _ **Thank you for being so patient with me. I truly appreciate it.**_


	17. Naruto and Sasuke would hate NaruSasu

Mimawarigumi Chief Isaburo Sasaki walked into the room, with his Vice Chief Nobume Imai carrying a sleeping Kagura in her arms.

"This is very negligent of you, Sakata-San," said Sasaki, in a businesslike manner. "I even texted you a notification that we had found her, and you didn't respond."

Gin checked his phone.

 _Message received from that weirdo in the White Coat: We found your underage worker running around Edo at the speed of sound, while randomly punching people the d***. (LOL) After a couple of hours we found her passed out in an alley in Akihabara. You're lucky the Lolicons didn't get her first._

 _Sent at 4:20 AM_

And accompanying the photo was a Selfie of Sasaki, Nobume, and a passed out Kagura.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I WOULD READ YOUR MESSAGE AT 4:20 IN THE MORNING?!"

"Tsk Tsk Tsk," said Isaburo. "And you, the three most prominent members of the Shinsengumi, are you really doing nothing about the fact that eight dangerous terrorists are here in this room? For shame."

"Oh don't worry," replied Hijikata. "We have this situation under control."

All of a sudden, the TV played an announcement from Matsudaira.

"Attention! There is an orbital bombardment laser gun pointed over Snack Otose and Odd Jobs Gin-chan. Starting from now, If anyone leaves the premises, then they, as well as everything within a 50 meter radius of them, will be obliterated! Food and other necessities may be only delivered by official Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi cars!"

"YOU CALL THAT UNDER CONTROL?!" Exclaimed Gin. "WE'RE UNDER HOUSE ARREST WITH THE THREAT OF ANNIHILATION! NO WONDER THE JOI REBELS HATE YOU!"

"IT'S BETTER THAN LETTING EIGHT KNOWN TERRORISTS DO THEIR TERRORIST THINGS!" replied Hijikata. "FOR ALL WE KNOW THEY COULD BE TRYING TO FLY A SPACESHIP INTO THE TERMINAL!"

"YOU DO REALIZE WE ALL HAVE TO SHARE ONE BATHROOM NOW, RIGHT?!" Exclaimed Shinpachi

"GOD DAMN IT!" exclaimed almost everyone in the room. The thought of holding in their bladders for an hour or more at a time was the cause of most of the frustration.

"Wait!" exclaimed Gin. "We can just use buckets and throw the contents out the window!"

Tsukuyo proceeded to suplex him for proposing the idea. "THAT'S A GODDAMN HEALTH HAZARD! YOU'LL KILL US ALL!"

"Why are you guys even gathered here?" asked Isaburo. "The fact that eight terrorists, the three most prominent members of the Shinsengumi, the future head of the Yagyuu Clan, the Captain of an Intergalactic Freighter and his first mate, two former Oniwabanshu members, and a Madao have all gathered together in one building without killing one another is a feat within itself."

"Trust me," said Gin. "We've come so close to killing each other so many times it isn't even funny anymore."

"I can see that," replied Isaburo. "But why are you all together in one place? It makes no sense."

"It's a long story," said Shinpachi. "But it all relates to fanfiction."

"What is fanfiction?" asked Isaburo.

"It's these weird stories about us," replied Shinpachi. "Like they sometimes go into frightening detail about our lives, but most of the time they write about us making out with each other or being overly melodramatic."

"That doesn't sound convincing," said Nobume.

"You'll have to see it for yourself," said Gin.

And so Gin clicked on a random fanfiction.

 **Just like old times**

 **By DoujinSan91**

"Oh my god," said Shinpachi. "Most Doujins are low quality…"

"It should be fine," said Gin. "This person appears to have written a bunch of fanfiction all ready."

 **AN: Yo, guys! This is my first Gintama Fanfic!**

"It can't be that bad…" said Gin.

 **Normally I write Superwholock, Bleach, and Naruto Yaoi fics, but this time, I wanna try writing a Gintama Yaoi fic!**

Half of the men in the room groaned.

"Wait, what's Yaoi?" asked Kamui.

"...you'll have to see it for yourself," replied Gin.

 **Katsura couldn't believe that it had worked. Faking his own death just to see his lover again.**

"I would never do such a thing!" exclaimed Katsura.

"But what about Ikumatsu, Zura?" asked Gin.

"Ikumatsu and I are just friends, nothing more! And it's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

 **He couldn't believe that the convoluted plot had worked, first by pretending to get killed, and then posing as Elizabeth for 2 days.**

Matako woke up from Tsukiyomi, somehow perfectly fine.

"Huh, what's all the fuss about?" asked Matako.

"We're in the middle of a story," replied Takechi. "This one appears to be about Katsura-dono."

 **But it was all worth it when Katsura got to see the love of his life again.**

"Ikumatsu?" asked Gin.

"FOR THE LAST TIME GINTOKI, I DON'T LOVE HER!"

"Keep telling yourself that," replied Gin, snarkily.

 **Shinsuke Takasugi.**

"WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Matako. "SHINSUKE-SAMA IS MINE AND ONLY MINE!"

"WHY WOULD I LOVE HIM?!" exclaimed Katsura. "HE SENT NIZO TO KILL ME! I BARELY SURVIVED!"

"BULLSHIT!" exclaimed Matako "YOU PLANNED THE ENTIRE THING OUT!"

"Takasugi also got screwed by this girl named Ebony," said Gin.

"Shinsuke-sama, who is this Ebony?" asked Matako.

"Beats me," replied Takasugi.

"And apparently Shinsuke was also a Goth attending Hogwarts School in Scotland," said Gin. "You really got busy after the war ended, didn't you?"

"What the fuck is a Hogwart?" asked Takasugi.

 **Katsura had been having an affair with Takasugi during the war,**

"Whaaat?" asked Sakamoto. "No way! Considering that Kintoki and Shinsuke argued like a married couple all the time, you'd think that they'd be in a secret relationship."

Immediately Matako shot Gin a dirty look.

 **And after the war, they tragically had to go their separate ways, as they were both fugitives.**

"I'm not a fugitive, I'm Katsura," said Katsura.

"We've been hunting you for 13 years now," said Hijikata. "You've committed several acts of terrorism with explosives. You make Ki* J*ng *n seem rational."

"How come none have us have aged, if it's truly been 13 years?" asked Shinpachi.

Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Japan, Sorachi Hideaki woke up from his nap to sneeze.

"あれ?ファンフィクションにいますか?"

He then promptly fell back asleep.

 **But at last, after 10 years, Katsura could finally meet up with lover.**

" **Hey sexy," said Takasugi.**

"I'm not sexy, I'm Katsura," said Katsura.

"Some of the fandom would disagree with that," said Gin.

" **Let's skip the games, and do what we came here for," replied Katsura.**

"So Zura, you're a seme and Takasugi's the uke?"

"SHINSUKE-SAMA IS A SEME!" exclaimed Matako. "I WOULD KNOW!"

 **And then they started to make-**

"DON'T YOU FUCKING-"

 **-a batch of popcorn, as they were going to watch Netflix tonight.**

The room went silent. Seriously, this wasn't even that shocking, and they went silent.

"...the fuck?" said Gin.

"...I expected worse," said Kamui, who took the mouse and started to scroll down. "I bet it then goes into detail on their favorite drama and-"

" **Katsura ripped off Takasugi's Yukata and began to make out with him."**

"OH SHIT THAT'S GROSS!" exclaimed Kamui.

"We told you," said Gin. "But you didn't listen."

Meanwhile, Takasugi puked into a nearby trashcan.

" **Shinsuke started to lustfully suck on Katsura's c-"**

Isaburo puked into another trashcan.

"WE ONLY HAVE 3 OF THOSE!" exclaimed Otose. "DON'T STINK THEM UP WITH YOUR PUKE!"

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN PUKING?!" exclaimed Gin. "THIS STORY DOESN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT YOU!"

 **And then, after licking his muscles, Takasugi inserted his c-**

Right as Bansai, Takechi, and Abuto were about to puke, a shout was heard.

"WAIT, YOU THREE!" exclaimed Katsura. "I HAVE BAGS YOU CAN PUKE INTO!"

And so Katsura handed them bags that they proceeded to puke in. Katsura then threw the bags out of the window.

"OH GOD, WHAT'S THIS SHIT?!" exclaimed a voice.

A bunch of people looked out the window. It was Tojo.

Kyubei walked to the window, and puked out of it.

"FIIIIINE, I'LL LEAVE!" exclaimed Tojo.

" **Uuuh yea!" exclaimed Katsura as he got fucked in the ass by Takasugi's hard, luscious c-**

"I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH!" shouted Katsura abruptly. "HONESTLY, THE NERVE OF THESE PEOPLE!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" exclaimed Matako. "THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ME TAKING SHINSUKE-SAMA'S HARD LUSCIOUS MEATY C-"

"OKAY WE GET IT!" exclaimed Shinpachi. YOU LOVE TAKASUGI!"

Suddenly, Kagura awoke from her nap on Nobume's lap.

"OI! SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

And as she sat up, she saw that bastard again.


	18. Kissxsis isn't realistic at all

"YOU BASTARD!" exclaimed Kagura as she swung her fist at her brother. After their previous altercation in Yoshiwara, she was relatively angry at him for trying to kill her and the rest of her friends, plus the whole "joining the Harusame" thing.

"Geez, Kagura," said Kamui, who effortlessly caught her fist. "That's no way to greet your brother."

Kamui then slammed her on the ground. "At least give it your all if you're going to fight me. I don't waste my time on weaklings."

Kagura winced in pain as everyone in the room drew their weapons.

"Oi," said Gin. "Don't harm her anymore, or else."

"Or else what?" asked Kamui, mockingly. "Just because you beat Housen doesn't mean you can beat me!"

"Aiya," said Okita, who began to slowly approach Kamui. "You're going to have one hell of a time going against two people."

"Not if I kill one of you first," said Takasugi, who opened his left eye once more to reveal the implanted Mangekyou Sharingan.

"Is this a dramatic entrance contest?" asked Sakamoto, who pulled out his pistol and pointed it at Takasugi.

"Consider yourselves beat," said Abuto, as he threw off his cloak to reveal a robotic arm where there was once a regular arm (until Kagura forcibly removed it.)

The room was silent for a few moments. Tension filled the air, so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Hell, Kyubei cut it with her Katana, and the tension piece fell into her hands, and she took a bite out of it.

"Tastes like testosterone and angst," muttered Kyubei as she ate the piece of Tension.

Finally, someone spoke aloud for the entire room to hear.

"You do realize that we can just vaporize all of you within seconds, right?" said Isaburo. "The orbital cannon is ready to fire at anytime."

"Wouldn't you die as well?" asked Takechi. "That seems unwise, considering that you two and the Shinsengumi Members would be lost."

"That's fine with us," said Kondo. "If we take you lot out, it will be all worth it."

The room was silent for a few moments. It was a Mexican standoff with twice as many people and only 1/3rd of the guns.

Finally, Takasugi put his sword down. "It's not worth fighting over right now."

Everyone else in the standoff followed suit, and the room was filled with silence. Finally, someone spoke up to break the awkward silence.

"I think I found an interesting story," said Hasegawa.

 **Sibling Bonding**

 **By IloveNobume24**

"Oh, you have a fan," said Isaburo.

"I was surprised too," snarked Okita.

Nobume ignored Okita.

 **Synopsis: Kamui goes to visit his favorite sister in Edo.**

"But I only have one sister," said Kamui.

"I think that's the point," replied Abuto.

 **It had been a long time since Kamui had been to Earth**

"Now that I think about it, the last time I was here was when I was with Housen in Yoshiwara…" said Kamui, who trailed off.

 **Two years, to be exact. He was excited to see how his sister has grown.**

"Maybe she could actually pose a challenge for once…"

"Excuse me! I do pose a challenge!" replied Kagura.

"I just threw you to the ground effortlessly," said Kamui. "I don't think that's a challenge."

" **Oi Kamui," said Abuto, nonchalantly. "Don't forget to get her something."**

"What would I get her?"

"Give her some money so she can pay rent," said Gin.

"Oi!" exclaimed Kagura. "You're supposed to be paying me! Where's my pay from last month?!"

"Um…" said Gin, who trailed off. It looked like he was about to get beaten up again.

Then Kyubei passed him an envelope. It contained money. 4000円 to be exact.

"Oh, here it is!" said Gin, as he passed the envelope to Kagura.

"Yay! Thank you Gin-chan!" exclaimed Kagura, who gave Gin a quick hug.

" **Got it," replied Kamui. He figured he'd get her some Flowers and Sukonbu-**

"Wait, flowers?" asked Kamui. "Why though?"

 **No! Even better! Edible Arrangements! Flowers and food combined into one.**

"You guys on Earth eat flowers?"

"No," replies Gin. "Edible Arrangements are like fruits organized like flowers. They're dipped in chocolate and other stuff."

 **He reminded himself to pick up a batch as soon as possible. As he walked to his personal spaceship-**

"Damn, I wish I had one of those," said Kamui.

 **-he wondered if the stars had truly crossed…**

 **End of Ch1**

"Stars had crossed? What?"

"I was confused too," said Okita. "Let's read more to find out."

 **Ch2**

 **When Kamui reached the surface, he got out of his ship and proceeded to head straight to Edible Arrangements, picking up the giant bouquet that he had ordered. He then began to make his way to the Yorozuya.**

 **When he got there, he pressed the doorbell, and waited for a bit. And a few seconds later, Kagura opened the door for him.**

"And then they killed each other in brutal combat," said Kamui.

"Actually no," replied Okita.

" **Oh hey," said Kamui. Kagura quickly hugged her beloved brother-**

Kagura pulled out a paper bag and puked in it.

 **-and lead him inside the house.**

" **Where's Gin-san and Glasses?" asked Kamui.**

" **They're off doing training or something like that," replied Kagura.**

"Um, Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "You haven't trained me."

"Pattsuan, I have been training you this entire time," replied Gin. "Look at everything you've been through throughout this entire series. Heck, you've even saved my life a couple times. You are truly a Samurai."

"Wait, really?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"There really isn't a certificate for it, so I guess?" replied Gin. "I'm not sure."

Shinpachi went silent. Then he went to the corner of the room to cry.

" **How are things going with that Sadistic boy?" asked Kamui.**

Kagura and Okita cringed a little.

" **He got together with Nobume," replied Kagura.**

Nobume puked in a bag upon hearing this.

"Geez Sougo, you don't seem popular with the ladies," said Kondo.

"Like you're the one to talk," snarked Hijikata.

" **Oh, lucky her," said Kamui.**

" **I never liked the Sadist anyway," replied Kagura.**

And then millions of Gintama fans killed the author of the fanfi- wait, wrong story.

"Isn't that common knowledge?" asked Kagura.

"We already read a fic about you and him," replied Gin. "And there's at least 1,000 more."

"Man, I feel sorry for whoever would date her, if anyone would," said Kamui.

"I'd feel sorry too," replied Okita. "If I wasn't nauseous of the thought of dating your sister already."

"As if I'd be with you!" exclaimed Kagura.

" **I figured," replied Kamui. "He seems like a jackass. You want some of this edible arrangement stuff?"**

" **Yea!" replies Kagura, as she piled her face with the chocolate covered fruit.**

" **I bet I can eat more than you!" exclaimed Kamui.**

" **Nu-uh!" replied Kagura, and they began to eat from the giant fruit bouquet.**

"And then all the food in Edo was eaten, and everyone else starved to death," said Gin.

 **After a couple of minutes, the fruit bowl was gone, and the siblings were stuffed.**

" **Oh god, I'm stuffed," said Kamui.**

" **Me too," replied Kagura. "But I'm also a bit thirsty…"**

"Wait, what?" asked Kagura.

"Do you need a drink, Kagura-sama?" asked Tama.

"I'm fine," replied Kagura.

" **Huh, what do you-" Kamui was interrupted by Kagura tackling him.**

"Either they're gonna fight each other or something worse is gonna happen," whispered Gin to Hijikata.

" **Oi, Kamui," she said Seductively.**

"WHAT THE SHIT?!" exclaimed Kagura and Kamui.

"Man, I knew you Yato were ass-backwards," said Okita. "But I didn't know you guys practiced incest."

"WE DON'T!" exclaimed Kagura and Kamui.

"DID YOU NOT SEE HIM TRY TO KILL ME?!" exclaimed Kagura.

"Well considering Sougo fights with you all the time, we assumed that he's playing hard to get with you," said Kondo.

"Kondo-san, that's a lie," said Okita.

"WHY IS HE PLAYING HARD TO GET WHEN HE'S ALREADY HARD TO WANT?!" exclaimed Kagura. "AND YOUR VIEWPOINT IS FULL OF SHIT, CONSIDERING THAT BOSS LADY KICKS YOUR ASS EVERY DAY AND YET STILL HATES YOUR HAIRY ASS!"

"OH SHIT!" exclaimed many of the people in the room.

Kondo went silent. And then he ran to the bathroom to cry.

" **I need you," said Kagura. "I need you in my life, in my dreams, and I need you inside of me right now."**

Kagura turned exceptionally pale, and began to shake violently.

 **Kamui gave in to his primal urges. He started to undress her while kissing her neck.**

Kamui started to puke out the window.

 **Kagura moaned in ecstasy. She felt up Kamui's muscles, and undid his pants.**

Kagura's eyes rolled back, and she fell onto the floor.

 **Kamui responded by removing her top and motorboating her. "Damn, they've gotten huge," he thought.**

Kamui started to bleed out of almost every orifice in his body.

 **Kagura stripped him of his top and dropped her hand into his boxers. "Oh damn, that's big," she thought.**

Kagura foamed at the mouth and shook even more violently.

 **Kamui responded by removing her bra and removing her pants, all while sucking her massive-**

"Sougo, that's enough," said Hijikata. "It's actually quite disgusting now.

"Come on, Hijikata-san," replied Okita. "They appear to be enjoying it, so why stop?"

"They appear to be having epileptic fits now," said Hijikata. "Maybe it's a Yato thing."

"I was having epileptic fits when you guys were reading that one about China and me," replied Okita. "So I think it's just a reflex or something."

Meanwhile, Kagura and Kamui were starting to ease up from their epileptic symptoms, but they still felt slightly sick. And very, very hungry.

"GIN-CHAN I NEED FOOOOOD!" exclaimed Kagura in a guttural voice.

"OH GOD WHAT DO YOU NEED?!" replied Gin in fear.

"ANYTHIIIING!" replied Kagura.

Gin got on the phone.

"Hello, Ikkaku Yakiniku? I'd like 2 orders of Kalbi, 3 orders of Meat Jun, 3 orders of Mandoo, 4 orders of Bulgogi, 4 orders of Chicken Katsu-"

"It's not Chicken Katsu, it's Katsura!"

"-the spicy and sweet sauces, the Katsu sauce, and 10 pounds of Kimchee-

"Gin-san, why are you using the English system in Japan?"

"-it will be 14500円? Perfect, thank you!"

Kyubei wrote a check and handed it to Isaburo.

Isaburo stuck his hand out the door, and a Miwarigumi officer took the check.

"The order is for Odd Jobs Gin-chan," said Isaburo. The Miwarigumi officer then got in the his car, and drove off.

"Is there anything else we could do?" asked Tae.

"Mario Kart?" said Sakamoto.

"HELL YEA!" exclaimed everyone in the room. They then loaded the emulator and brought out the Uii controllers.

However, there were only four controllers, and more than four people. So they decided to play in a tournament to see who is the king of Mario Kart.

Only time will tell who wins...

* * *

 ** _IT'S TIME TO R-R-R-RUMBLE!_**

 ** _PLACE YOUR BET IN THE REVIEW SECTION ON WHO YOU THINK IS GOING TO WIN._**

 ** _IF THEY WIN, YOU WIN!_**

 ** _BUT WHAT DO YOU WIN, YOU ASK?!_**

 ** _YOU WIN A CAMEO IN THE FANFICTION! CHEEEEEEEEE!_**


	19. Don't aspire to be Romeo and Juliet

The Mario Kart tournament was intense, with the gang yelling at each other and getting into fights over who won what round, but it soon boiled down to Tama, Sakamoto, Okita, and Hasegawa. And RNGesus decided that Super Hyper Ultra Mega Alpha Omega Rainbow Road XXX HD Full Remix Director's cut v 4.20.69 was the perfect track for testing their skills, despite it being a course that was hacked in, had no railing, and was made while the creators were on meth. As the four racers waited at the starting line, a message flashed in front of them.

"Good luck!"

All of a sudden, a Lakitu flew into their field of vision.

"3!"

The four increased their concentration.

"2!"

Okita's avatar pulled out a red shell and threw it at the Lakitu, and raced off. Everyone proceeded after him. It hadn't even been 5 seconds when they were already confronted with a series of 180° turns and jumps, which they effortlessly passed without trouble. Okita threw a red shell at Hasegawa, who blocked it with a Banana Peel, while Sakamoto threw a Bomb-omb at them, throwing them both off of the track. And to their Surprise, Lakitu didn't pull them back up onto track, opting to just flip them off and blackout their screens on the split screen.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Hasegawa. "THAT'S SUCH BULLSHIT!"

Meanwhile, Tama took the lead, and proceeded to use several mushroom based shortcuts without any difficulty, putting her in front of Sakamoto, her only remaining opposition.

"WHOOSH!" a blur of blue came from nowhere. It was the dreaded blue shell. Tama couldn't use her last mushroom in time, and as a result, got hit by the blue shell, and was passed by Sakamoto. Not the one to be outdone, Tama threw a volley of red shells at Sakamoto, which he managed to block with banana peels.

"Wow, this is getting intense!" exclaimed Kagura.

Sakamoto was just owning the track, as if he was on autopilot, and every move he made was absolutely flawless, from the 1080° turns that he rocked to the extreme shortcuts that he'd take that would skip several parts of the track. Now Tama was no slouch either, but Sakamoto was just destroying her at this point, so she proceeded to bust out her internal gameshark.

All of a sudden, 5 blue shells flew at Sakamoto, and he was unable to dodge them. After flying in the air for a second, Tama zoomed past him, while flipping him off. Sakamoto's response was to input a code that locked his item box with whatever he got next, but gave him an infinite amount of it. And luckily for him, he picked up a golden mushroom.

Tama held the lead confidently, and to prevent any unwanted competition from catching up, she spread thousands of a banana peels around the track, and yet, Sakamoto still managed to overtake her.

"Damn Tatsuna," said Gintoki.

Tama, in a last ditch attempt to gain first place, fired several thousands of blue shells at Sakamoto, which he managed to dodge via continuous boosting. Finally, after a minute of intense boosting, Sakamoto crossed the finish line, and thus winning the tournament. The names of the track creators then proceeded to pop up.

"Made by Anusmita and qwerty53."

"So we know the bastards we're gonna kill after this," said Okita.

"Good job Tatsuna," said Gin."Now I see how you sold everyone's clothes last night.

"It's, Tatsuma, Kintoki," replied Sakamoto.

"My name is Tatsuma."

"OI! YOU STILL GOT MY NAME WRONG!" exclaimed Gin. "OTHERWISE THIS SERIES WOULD BE CALLED K*NTAMA!"

"Relax, Kintoki," said Sakamoto. "I mean come on, we all have nicknames for our friend, right Zura?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," replied Zura.

Zura paused for a few seconds

"OI AUTHOR, IT'S NOT ZURA, IT'S KATSURA!" exclaimed Zura.

Zura then took off his pants and made out with Takasugi and then-

"I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THIS!" exclaimed Zu-

 _ **ズラじゃない**_ _ **,**_ _ **桂だ**_ _ **!**_

 _ **OKAY, OKAY, FINE! STOP STABBING ME PLEASE!**_

"Yo! The Yakiniku's here!" said the Miwarigumi officer. He walked into the snack shop with another officer, carrying in several huge boxes of food.

"NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A COUPLE OF ORDERS!" exclaimed Hijikata. "THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'D GET AT COSTCO OR SOMETHING!"

"Well I know Ikkaku's motto," said Kondo. "Go big or go to hell."

"How did you know Ikkaku?" asked Gin.

"We were a part of different squads in the Gotei 13, but we got together every so often to drink. I swear, his captain, Kenpachi, was a monster!"

"Like you're the one to talk," snarked Hijikata.

"Yea, life in the Gotei 13 was nice," said Kondo. "I had the best vice captain, and oh man, she was soooo hot! And my 3rd seat was a prodigy. I think he took over my division after I left."

"I'd like to take over the Shinsengumi," said Okita.

"Why did you leave?" asked Shinpachi.

"I ran off with this orange haired woman, and gave up my status to raise our children. Unfortunately, she died when my oldest son was 8, and I, as result, ran away from my family due to the despair I felt."

"Geez, what's your kid's name?" asked Gin.

"Ichigo. He's bound to be a grown man by now. He has orange hair, just like his mother did…"

All of a sudden, Gin realized something.

"OI! YOU'RE NOT ISSHIN KUROSAKI! YOU COULD NEVER BED A WOMAN, LET ALONE PRODUCE 3 CHILDREN, AND YOU WERE NEVER A SHINIGAMI FOR THE GOTEI 13!"

"I WAS!" exclaimed Kondo.

"JUST BECAUSE YOU LOOK AND ACT LIKE ISSHIN DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE ISSHIN!" replied Gin.

"Would you shut up?" groaned Hijikata. "Copying the plot from Bleach to make it look like you got laid isn't a way to get women. And besides, Bleach got bad after Aizen got defeated by Ichigo."

"I think that Naruto got bad after Pain died," said Gin. "All these mangaka trying to extend their series just to turn a profit, huh? It's despicable! Hell, One Piece is not even halfway done yet!"

Elsewhere, Sorachi Hideaki sneezed.

"Aiya," said Tae, who didn't want to hear them whine about cash-cow anime. "I think I found a good fic."

 **True Love**

 **By YaoiLuv33**

"No more Yaoi, please," said Katsura.

"Yea, that stuff is disgusting," said Sakamoto.

 **Synopsis: Romeo and Juliet inside of Gintama with the one true pairing, OkiNobu! Haters gonna hate!**

"I'm actually liking this already," said Kagura, who was eating an entire pan of Meat Jun and a Giant Bowl of Rice like it was nothing.

"JESUS CHRIST KAGURA-CHAN!" exclaimed Shinpachi."WHY ARE YOU EATING SO MUCH?!"

"Oh, that's nothing," said Kamui, who was chowing down on a pan of Chicken Katsu, and an entire dish of Kimichi, plus a Giant Bowl of Rice.

 **It had been a while since the Miwarigumi and Shinsengumi gangs had started outright gang warfare. And unfortunately for poor Sougo, he had just been rejected by the girl he liked, Kagura.**

"Hah!" exclaimed Kagura. "This story gets me perfectly!"

"Oi China," said Okita. "I don't like washboards."

Kagura then punched Okita into a nearby wall. At this point, it was a miracle Snack Otose was still standing.

 **However, Sougo was planning on crashing a party that the Miwarigumi were throwing with his friends Gintoki, Shinsuke,**

"Why would I be friends with a terrorist?" asked Okita.

 **Kamui, and Shinpachi.**

"This seems quite unrealistic," said Gin.

"Well it appears to be based on Shakespeare," replied Shinpachi. "It gets much more unrealistic."

"Isn't this Romeo and Juliet?" asked Takasugi. "The one where they all die because no one bothered to communicate with each other?"

"How do you know about Shakespeare?" asked Shinpachi.

"I had nothing better to do while waiting for my Sharingan transplant, so I read a bunch of Shakespeare."

"What a nerd," said Gin.

 **That night, they wore masks, with Sougo's making him look like Zorro. Their initial plan was to spike the punch with laxatives, but Sougo got distracted by a beautiful woman with blue locks of luscious hair.**

"Oh god," muttered Nobume. "That must be me…"

 **Sougo gazed at her for a few seconds, before finally getting the courage to walk to up her.**

" **Oh h-hey," he said, nervously.**

" **O-oh, what's up?" she replied. She seemed just as nervous.**

"This isn't even close to realistic," said Okita.

" **May I have this dance?" he asked.**

"And now we're dancing?"

"Better than fucking," said Nobume.

"Anyone got a donut?" asked Hijikata.

"I do," replied Isaburo, who gave one to Hijikata.

" **O-okay then," she replied.**

 **And so the two danced the night away, with his auburn orbs-**

Most of the room groaned in pain.

 **-never once looking away from her crimson orbs.**

The room groaned again.

 **But as the clock struck twelve-**

"And now they're ripping off Cinderella?" said Gin.

 **-Okita realized he had to go.**

" **I promise I'll see you again soon," he said.**

" **I hope so," she said. "I really enjoyed dancing with you."**

Hijikata decided to throw the donut he had acquired onto Okita's crotch.

Nobume saw said donut fall onto Okita's crotch.

So she went and tried to swallow the donut whole.

And as soon as her mouth was in contact with the donut, she realized that there was a bit of leather inside of the donut hole.

It was Okita's pants.

Okita realized that her mouth was in the area where the sun doesn't shine. And then his face turned into this sort of shocked and disgusted look, like when someone decides to show you rule 34 on public transit.

Nobume quickly removed her mouth from Okita's pants area, and then quietly ate her donut. And for a few moments, neither spoke. Then Gin, tired of the silence, decided to crack a joke.

"Damn you two," said Gin. "Get a room."

"I didn't know she liked her donuts with crème filling," said Sakamoto.

This warranted a beating from both Nobume and Okita, and within a few seconds Sakamoto was begging for his life.

 **Sougo proceeded to kiss her without any hesitation.**

Okita and Nobume were too busy beating up Sakamoto to care at this point.

 **Although it was only a few seconds, it felt like an eternity to them. And as they said goodbye, it felt like the end of the world. They were truly meant for each other. Fate, however, had other plans…**

 **End of Chapter One**

"Huh, I don't see a second chapter," said Gin.

"Good," said Okita. "I don't want to ever think about that again."

"Fair enough," said Gin. And so, once again, he clicked on a random fanfiction, and internally prayed that it wouldn't be atrocious.

But the Yakiniku definitely made it more tolerable.

* * *

 _ **Good god, it's been almost a month.**_

 _ **Sorry, I've been really busy with life.**_

 ** _Thanks for being patient with me._**

 _ **Anusmita and qwerty53 guessed correctly.**_


	20. Paranoia can make enemies out of friends

**Who is the father?**

"Not me," said Gin.

 **Synopsis: Kagura gets fucking pregnant. Who could the father be?!**

"WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!" exclaimed most people in the room.

"This is why Shinpachi stays at the dojo," said Gin.

"EXCUSE ME?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "YOU LIVE WITH HER! YOU'D BE IN A BETTER POSITION TO EXPLOIT HER!"

"EWWW!" exclaimed Kagura. "I wouldn't sleep with Gin-chan!"

"You're missing out," teased Sacchan.

"On absolutely nothing," replied Gin.

 **One day, Kagura began to vomit profusely, more than she usually did. Gin and Shinpachi thought nothing of it, thinking that she had the flu. "Just rest for a few days," they said. And so she did.**

"Morning sickness?" asked Tsukuyo.

"Seems like it," said Tae.

 **After that, she had seemed to get better. But in place of the vomiting, Kagura began to crave the weirdest things. One day, she'd beg for Tonkatsu Curry, and the next day, Natto.**

"EWWW!" exclaimed Kagura. "Natto's gross!"

"Oi!" exclaimed Sacchan. "Natto makes you healthy! It's why I have a dynamite body!"

"And yet no one wants to bang you," snarked Gin.

 **And soon, her stomach began to swell quite a bit, even for a gag anime. And finally, Tae had the sensibility to buy her a pregnancy test.**

"Why wouldn't we buy one?" asked Shinpachi.

 **Gin and Shinpachi didn't want to potentially incriminate themselves by buying one.**

"Oh."

 **Kagura was in fact, pregnant. Immediately, Gin and Shinpachi flew into a rage. They went to the Shinsengumi compound to look answers, and suspected it was Sougo Okita who had done it.**

"I have standards, you know," said Okita.

" **Oi!" exclaimed Gin. "Did you deflower Kagura?!" He then slammed Okita against the wall. "She's pregnant!"**

" **Wait, what?!" exclaimed Okita. He was pissed. Someone had the nerve to deflower his precious China before him? Someone was gonna die for this.**

Kagura puked out the window.

 **Okita ordered the Shinsengumi 1st squad to find the person who knocked her up, and bring them to him, or else they would have to commit Seppuku.**

"Seems a bit excessive," said Hijikata.

 **Kondo caught wind of it as well, and enlisted the entire Shinsengumi's help in finding the culprit. And the Shinsengumi worked extremely efficiently, with them managing to search all of Japan for the culprit, and even flew into space and dragged down the Kihetai to arrest them. In total it took 7 months to track down everyone and question them. And yet they couldn't find the culprit.**

"So it has to be one of them, then," said Gin.

 **Soon, everyone turned against each other. People were blaming each other left and right, and a few fights even broke out, with Shinpachi even beating up Gin due to the paranoia.**

"Oh wow, Patsuan," said Gin. "You really think I'd get with Kagura?"

 **Finally, the baby was due, and after 36 hours spent in labor, Kagura gave birth to triplets.**

"That sounds painful," said Tae.

 **And all of the triplets had white hair and blue eyes.**

"Gin-san…" said Shinpachi

Gin's jaw dropped to the floor.

 **A mob surrounded Gin, and began to close in on him.**

" **Wait a minute, look they have dog ears!" he shouted. But no one would listen to him.**

The room went silent for the umpteenth time in this story.

 **All of a sudden, Sadaharu jumped through the window. Kagura looked excited.**

"It'd be nice to see my dog after 36 hours spent in labor," said Tsukuyo.

" **Oh, Sadaharu, you came to see our puppies!" she said. And Gin was right, all three of the triplets did in fact have dog ears. And yes, Sadaharu was in fact, the father.**

 **The End**

Gin's jaw stayed where it was before. Meanwhile, Kagura began to puke profusely out of the window. And soon enough, everyone else was looking for a place to puke, as they were so disgusted by the idea of a 14 year old and a giant dog playing hide the pickle that they just reacted like any sensible human would. In fact, the author got so nauseous writing this that he-

 _ **BLAAAAAAARGH!**_

And now he needs a new keyboard. Great.

 _ ***A week later***_

After begging to his parents, who refused to purchase a new keyboard, the author decided to work on his story using school computers. Of course, it is hard to write questionable fanfiction when your IT is monitoring you with GoGuardian and-

"Excuse me, can we get back to the story?" asked Gin.

And so Gin and his group ended up stinking up Snack Otose so badly with their vomit that it was declared a biohazard and had to be eradicated, and so the Miwarigumi had to transport the gang to an underground chamber within the police headquarters that contained a large screen, originally used for mental reprogramming but ended up being used for police department movie nights. Apparently the regular police got better treatment than the Shinsengumi, which inked Kondo and Hijikata to no end.

"Where's our personal movie theater?" asked Kondo, irately.

Either way, Tama hooked up the laptop to the projector, and all of sudden, a video played.

 **"I'm Sougo Okita."**

 **"I'm Ayame Sarutobi."**

 **"Welcome to the BDSM 100, where we'll cover the basics of the B, the D, the S, and the M.**

Okita coughed really loud.

 **"The first part I want to cover is the S &M, or Sadism and Masochism. Basically, you get your kicks from either being cruel or being the victim of cruelty. I want you in the audience to guess who's the sadist, and who's the masochist."**

 ***crack***

 **"OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!"**

" **SHUT UP, WE'RE TRYING TO READ!"**

Tama then stopped the video before it could go on any further.

"That explains a lot," said Gin.

Gin then clicked on a random fanfiction. He felt more uncomfortable than he usually did when he looked for a random fanfiction.

Maybe it was because he was trapped in a dark room with only a large screen and a small laptop providing light, with 8 terrorists, 3 yato, 5 police personnel, a Robot with built in combat capabilities, 3 other war veterans, and a whole bunch of Madaos. It certainly didn't help that some of the categories overlapped.

But really, what's the worst that could happen?

* * *

 ** _Once again, sorry this took so long._**

 ** _But I'm on spring break now so I can work on this more frequently._**

 ** _Or not._**

 ** _I can't believe that we've hit twenty chapters. Thanks y'all._**


	21. 「ＪｏＪｏ Ｒｅｆｅｒｅｎｃｅ」

**The Bizarre Adventures**

 **By Jojokete420**

"Is that a Jojo reference?" asked Kyubei.

"I think so," replied Katsura.

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Gin.

Hijikata facepalmed. This was gonna be a long day in a random dark room somewhere inside of the Police Headquarters.

 **Synopsis: It's Stardust Crusaders inside of Gintama.**

"I liked Vento Aureo more," said Sakamoto.

"Steel Ball Run is the best," replied Isaburo.

"But isn't Steel Ball Run when Araki moved Jojo to Seinen?" asked Katsura. "I'm still waiting for the reveal of the big bad of Jojolion!"

"Hey, good work takes time," replied Kondo.

 **In a jail cell, Toshiro Kujo was sitting on a bed, reading Shonen Jump.**

"Gimme a break," said Hijikata. "Why would I be in jail?"

" **Toshiro Kujo," said the Police Officer. "You beat up a gang of 10 yakuza, 4 of which who were already wanted murderers, and proceeded to systematically break their arms and legs, and then crush their balls."**

"That would explain it," said Isaburo.

 **All of a sudden, two men and a woman walked into the holding area.**

" **It's terrible, Papa!" said the woman. "Toshiro's such a good boy, why would he be in jail?"**

"Because he crushed the balls of 10 people," said Gin.

" **Don't worry, sweetheart," said the man. "I'm his grandfather, I can straighten this out."**

 **The three walked to the cell that Toshiro was in.**

" **What do you want, Gramps?" asked Toshiro.**

" **Why the fuck are you in jail?" asked Gin.**

"Wait, I'm his grandpa?!" exclaimed Gin. "HOLY SHIT!"

" **There's an evil spirit possessing me," replied Toshiro. "It gets me stuff like this Shonen Jump."**

" **Hmm, I don't see one," replied Gin. "You two fuckboys guarding him, did you see any evil spirit?"**

" **Nuh uh, sir!" they exclaimed.**

" **I'll prove it to you," said Toshiro. Suddenly, an invisible hand grabbed a gun out of one of the police officer's holster, and then Toshiro pointed it at his own head.**

"I'd be suicidal if I was Hijikata," snarked Okita.

" **Toshi, no!" shouted Tae. But Toshiro pulled the trigger, and all of a sudden, a hand stopped the bullet from reaching his head, and then proceeded to crush the bullet.**

" **See?" asked Toshiro. "Did you see how it saved my life?"**

"I wish it didn't," said Okita.

" **Hmph," said Gin. "I'll have Ill Smith deal with it."**

"YES WE CAN!" exclaimed Katsura.

" **As you wish, Mr. Joestar," said Ill Smith.**

 **All of a sudden, a fiery chicken-headed man appeared behind Ill Smith.**

" **This evil spirit possessing you is actually called a Stand," said Gin.**

" **My Stand's name is** **「** **Supa Hot Fire** **」** **," said Ill Smith. "It can create fire and burn everything!"**

"They're naming the stands after memes?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

 **Supa Hot Fire proceeded to bind Toshiro with chains of fire, in an attempt to summon Toshiro's stand. And boy, did it work. Toshiro's stand appeared from the wall, and punched the crap out of Supa Hot Fire.**

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Gin.

"WE GET IT, YOU AND JOSEPH JOESTAR BOTH HAVE TOMOKAZU SUGITA AS YOUR SEIYUU!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

 **And when Toshiro's stand was about to deal the final blow, Ill Smith retracted Supa Hot Fire.**

" **Come now, Hijikata," said Ill Smith. "Mr. Joestar has a lot to talk about."**

 **End of Ch1**

"Let's skip to the end," said Gin. "All of you had to have watched Stardust Crusaders by now, right?"

"Still watching it," said Okita.

"Kakyoin dies," said Kagura.

"STOP SPOILING IT!" shouted Okita, who was frustrated that people kept spoiling anime he was watching.

"Jotaro dies too," said Katsura.

"AGHHH WHY'D YOU SPOIL DIAMOND IS UNBREAKABLE FOR ME?!" exclaimed Kagura.

"He dies during Stone Ocean," replied Katsura.

"WHY ARE YOU SPOILING PART 6 FOR ME WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT?!" exclaimed Sakamoto.

Katsura just facepalmed. These were not true Jojo fans.

 **The Bizarre Adventures: Chapter 21:** **ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＷＯＲＬＤ**

 **At this point in time, things were looking bad for Hijikata. After arriving in Cairo with the rest of the Stardust Crusaders, already Ill Smith and his stand** **「** **Supa Hot Fire** **」** **were destroyed by Vanilla Ice, one of Takasugi's-**

"Wait, Takasugi's DIO?" asked Gin. "They're nothing alike. They just share the same voice actor."

"We're both successful villains," replied Takasugi. "And we're both dashing and deadly."

"I'd say…" swooned Matako.

"Don't break an arm jerking yourself off," said Gin.

 **-Henchmen, whose stand** **「** **9gag** **」** **caused whatever it touched to rot away into putrid garbage. Isao Polnareff with his stand** **「** **Coldsteel the Hedgeheg** **」** **, and Sadaharu with his stand** **「** **Darude - Sandstorm** **」** **bravely killed him, at the cost of Sadaharu's life. Then, Gin Joestar, Toshiro Kujo, and Noriaki Okita-**

"Wait, why isn't my name 'Sougo Kakyoin?'" asked Okita.

"Because the author didn't want to tarnish Kakyoin's name," replied Kagura.

 **-chased Takasugi to the city, with Gin and Okita trying to fight Takasugi on the rooftops, and with Okita using his stand** **「** **Disregard Females Aquire Currency** **」** **forming a barrier made out of** **$100 bills. However, Takasugi killed Okita in a single punch, with Okita using his last Money Shot to shoot a clock, informing Gin about Takasugi's Stand Ability. Gin, after being cornered by Takasugi, was forced to fight him by infusing Hamon into his stand,** **「** **I've Seen Enough Hentai to Know Where This is Going** **」** **. However, he failed miserably, and Hijikata waes forced to watch as his grandfather had his life sucked out by-**

Tae had a nosebleed.

 **Takasugi. Only Hijikata remained, and he was ready to fight to the death.**

" **So it's come to this," said Takasugi. "After I kill you, I'll take over the world!"**

"I can imagine Takasugi saying that," said Gin.

"Gin-san, I think he has said that," replied Shinpachi.

"No he hasn't," said Gin. "He's always said 'I will destroy everything' and shit like that."

" **If you kill me," replied Hijikata.**

" **Bring it," said Takasugi, who let out an ungodly cry.**

" **WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"**

 **And so the two flew at each other, with their stands firing Fisticuffs rapidly.**

" **ORAOROAORAORA!" cried Hijikata.**

" **MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!" screamed Takasugi in reply.**

 **After 10 minutes of this, they finally stopped.**

" **Your** **「** **One Punch Man** **」** **is no match for my** **「** **It's Time to Stop** **」** **, you know," said Takasugi.**

" **Hmph," replied Hijikata. And once again they flew at each other, throwing punches wildly and-**

"This goes on for 10 more paragraphs," said Gin. "It's like that one paragraph got looped by 「Ｋｉｌｌｅｒ Ｑｕｅｅｎ Ｂｉｔｅｓ Ｔｈｅ Ｄｕｓｔ」."

"Skip it then," said Takasugi. "No use reading it if it's a waste of time."

"Geez, it feels like 3 months have passed since we started reading this," said Shinpachi.

"I guess Jojo is meant to be a Manga, not a Novel Series," replied Gin.

"At least something bizarre didn't happen," said Shinpachi.

Reality itself started to tear at the seams, and the universe began to compress on itself. Everyone began to panic as they watched the end of time itself, and also watched as a Gay Priest with weird hair confronted an 11 year old boy. After a minute of silence, Gin spoke.

"Shinpachi, you jinxed it."

And then everything ceased to exist. And for a while, there was a state of nonexistence that can not be described with any sort of human vocabulary, because it didn't exist, and humanity sure as hell didn't witness it, because we were all dead. The infinite vastness of nothing just was, and for the first time since before the big bang, there was an absolute stillness in the universe. Then a voice spoke.

"Oi, Shinpachi, Shinpachi," said the Voice.

Another voice responded. "Mhm?"

"Wake up."

Shinpachi woke up in Odd Jobs, surrounded by everyone he had read fanfiction with.

"You just reset the universe," said Gin.

"HUH?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Apparently your comment tore open some sort of ripple in the fabric of reality, and the universe ended and began again," said Gin.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"This Gorilla told me everything," replied Gin.

"KONDO-SAN STUDIED QUANTUM MECHANICS?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Not that gorilla," said Gin. "This one." Gin proceeded to Point at a Gorilla wearing a Yellow T-Shirt, who was picking his nose.

"GAHHH!" Shinpachi exclaimed. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?!"

"It's just a Gorilla," replied Gin, nonchalantly.

"THAT'S NOT JUST ANY GORILLA," shouted Shinpachi.

"THAT'S SORACHI HIDEAKI!"

* * *

 _ **Thanks to all of you for following this story for the past year. I honestly can't believe that this is one year old now.**_

 _ **I want to thank Sorachi Hideaki for writing Gintama, otherwise this fic wouldn't exist.**_

 _ **I also want to thank everyone who reviewed it, as you all gave me wonderful feedback and have never failed to make my day.**_

 _ **Finally, I also want to thank all of the people who write fanfiction in general. Without you, I wouldn't have anything to make fun of.**_

 _ **Until Next Time,**_

 _ **じゃね**_ _ **!**_


	22. Author Avatars are Awful, Always

The entire room was visibly surprised at the fact that their equivalent of god was sitting next to them, picking his nose.

Shinpachi began to Hyperventilate. "SORACHI-SENSEI PLEASE FORGIVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR I'M SO SORRY PLEASE JUST-" and was then cut off by the sound of Sorachi Hideaki farting. After a couple seconds of silence, he held up a whiteboard.

"What are ya reading?"

"Fanfiction," replied Gin.

Sorachi gave Gin a curious look, and then held up the whiteboard again.

"Dis gon b gud"

Gin then clicked on a random Fanfiction.

 **Gintama🔥: The After Years**

 **By Firefire112**

"What the fuck are After Years?" asked Hijikata.

"Beats me," said Gin.

 **It had been 3 years since the epic battle for Earth against Utsuro-**

"Who?" asked most people in the Room.

Sorachi didn't reply. He didn't want to ruin the mood.

 **and 2 years since Kagura, Soyo, and Shinpachi went to chase after Kamui and Abuto to-**

"Wait, what?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "Sorachi-Sensei, do you know about this?"

Sorachi shrugged his shoulders and thought to himself, "Damn, that's a good idea."

 **bring them to Justice for their crimes as Pirates. However, Abuto's death and the fact that Soyo fell for Kamui-**

"KAMUI WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Kagura. "SHE'S 14 YOU DAMN LOLICON!"

"Kamui-dono isn't a Lolicon," replied Takechi. "He's just a feminist with a healthy affection towards-"

"Shut up, you damn Lolicon," said Kamui.

 **-and proceeded to Elope together made the mission go awry, and as a result, Shinpachi and Kagura had to return home to Edo.**

" **Jesus Christ, all that just for nothing," said Shinpachi. "At least Soyo and Kamui got their Happy Ending."**

" **Yeah, and I'll happily end him if he ever hurts her," replied Kagura.**

" **Don't worry Kagura-chan," said Shinpachi. "Kamui's grown up, he'll take good care of her."**

 **Their spaceship landed in the terminal, and the two proceeded to walk to the baggage claim area to pick up their baggage.**

"Gee, what else would you do at a baggage claim area?" asked Gin, sarcastically.

 **As they picked up their baggage, they saw a Silver Haired Man walking with a visibly Pregnant Blonde Woman-**

"OH MY GOD FINALLY GIN-CHAN AND TSUKKI OH MY GOOOOOD!" exclaimed Kagura in all of her Fangirlish glee.

" **Gin-chan? TSUKKI?!" exclaimed Kagura.**

 **Gin turned around to look at Kagura. "Yo! Kagura-chan, Pattsuan!" he said. Kagura immediately ran up to him and hugged him, nearly crushing his back in the process.**

" **Oh my, she's grown quite a bit," said the visibly Pregnant Tsukuyo.**

" **Sorry we missed your wedding, Gin-san," said Shinpachi.**

" **It's fine," said Gin. "You guys were chasing 2 deadly space pirates. Say, where's Soyo?"**

" **She eloped with Kamui," said Shinpachi, nonchalantly.**

" **Ah young love," said Gin.**

"I'D BE PRETTY CREEPED OUT IF I FOUND OUT THAT THE PRINCESS AND KAGURA'S BROTHER GOT TOGETHER!" exclaimed Gin.

" **So what did we miss?" asked Kagura.**

" **Well the Gorilla runs the entire police force now," said Gin, "So the Mayonnaise Addict and the Sadist run the Shinsengumi."**

" **Oh man, I bet they're doing surveillance on my sister 24/7," said Shinpachi.**

" **Well, not since they got married," replied Gin.**

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!" exclaimed Tae in anger. She then proceeded to punch a hole in the floor, and then attempted to punch a hole in Kondo. Luckily for him, Kyubei held her back and tried to comfort her.

" **Wait, they got married?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.**

" **Well, technically, he a polygamist, so he married Kyubei as well, but it's more of a 3-way relationship."**

Kyubei stopped holding Tae back, and instead opted to beat Kondo up as well.

"I ALREADY HAVE A MONKEY AS A PET, I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER ONE!" she screamed.

" **Geez, they're like Rabbits," said Kagura.**

" **I'm gonna be an uncle, aren't I..." replied Shinpachi, exasperated.**

" **Depends on if you consider Kondo and Kyubei's children your nephews and nieces," replied Gin.**

" **How's Hijikata-San been?" asked Shinpachi.**

" **Still addicted to Mayonnaise," replied Gin. "And he was forced into a marriage with Nobume as a symbolic union of the police forces."**

"Ooh, now I can kick both of their asses at once," said Okita.

"In your dreams," replied Hijikata.

" **They also sell Mayonnaise filled donuts," said Tsukuyo, who was chowing down on one.**

" **Her cravings are weird," noted Gin.**

Nobume puked in a bag after learning about the Mayonnaise filled donuts.

" **How about the sadist?" asked Kagura.**

" **Oh, he told us to give you this," replied Gin, as he handed over a folded piece of paper to her.**

"Is this like that note passing thing kids do in class?" asked Gin.

"Maybe he's asking her out on a date with a note cause he's too much of a coward to do it to her face," replied Hijikata.

"My standards aren't _that_ low," snarked Okita.

" **I bet you $5 you are reading this note, pay up at the Shinsengumi Office."**

" **When did we stop using yen?" asked Shinpachi.**

" **After we fought off Utsuro, America came in and occupied us," replied Gin. "They brought McDonald's, Walmart, The Emoji Movie-"**

" **Obesity," interrupted Kagura, as she pointed out a group of Fat American Tourists wearing Aloha shirts, taking pictures of Edo.**

"Wait, are Americans really that fat?" asked Shinpachi.

"Well, I just googled it," replied Gin. "Some of them are indeed that fat. Like, that one looks about the size of a forklift."

" **Either way, we don't want to be beheaded by the Shinsengumi, so we'd better take you there," said Gin.**

" **Wait, what?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.**

" **It's just some stupid note," said Kagura. "I don't owe him jack shit."**

" **You see, all word of the Shinsengumi is law," replied Gin.**

" **So we will take you by force."**

"Wait, what the fuck?!" exclaimed Gin.

"I know right?" replied Sacchan. "I wish you were that aggressive with me."

 **All of a sudden, Tsukuyo suplexed Kagura, and Gin drew his Boken on Shinpachi.**

" **Gin-san!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "Why the hell are you doing this?"**

" **Because the Kaiser tells us to do so," Gin replied.**

"Wait, I thought Hijikata-san and Okita-san ran the Shinsengumi together," said Shinpachi.

"Maybe it's a coup?" asked Kagura.

"And how did she suplex you while pregnant?" asked Shinpachi.

"Considering she's from Yoshiwara, she's probably flexible in all of the right places…" replied Sakamoto, who was then promptly kicked into Gin's desk by Tsukuyo.

 **Tsukuyo then dragged an unconscious Kagura into a White Van with the label "FREE CANDY" painted on both sides, and which had a bumper sticker with the words "Property of Takechi Henpeita" on it.**

"I wouldn't drive such a crude vehicle," protested Takechi. "Especially since we have the 'Joi is Joy' Ice Cream Truck."

"Yeah, it's actually really profitable," said Takasugi. "We have Matako operate it though, since Takechi would probably scare away all of our customers."

"We don't even pay taxes for it!" exclaimed Matako.

"Um, we seized a van that had that sign on it about a month ago," said Kondo. "And we also seized all of the money inside of it, too."

The Kihetai had a collective brain aneurysm, which they then spontaneously recovered from thanks to Sorachi's power of being the goddamn author.

"They got Al Capone'd…" whispered Gin to Shinpachi.

 **Shinpachi was ready to face down his former master in battle, and his time in space turned him into a seasoned veteran of sword combat, but would it be enough to combat the Shiroyasha?**

"Dude, Gin-chan would knock you flat on your ass in 3 seconds," said Kagura.

"3 seconds sounds like an overestimate," replied Okita. "Boss would probably just behead you a soon as you came at him."

"Wait, how do you behead a pair of glasses?" asked Katsura.

The whole room stopped to ponder. Shinpachi wasn't amused.

 **Shinpachi rushed at Gin, brandishing his Lightsaber-**

"HOLY SHIT HE HAS A LIGHTSABER?!" exclaimed Gin. "THAT'S SO COOL!"

 **-which was blocked by Gin's Boken.**

"HOW DID A PIECE OF WOOD BLOCK A LIGHTSABER?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"That's some hard wood," said Gin.

"I want your hard wood," replied Sacchan.

 **Shinpachi was knocked flat on his ass-**

"Totally called it," said Kagura.

 **-but he got up, and tried again.**

"...and it repeats for the next 16 or so paragraphs," said Gin.

"This is boring," replied Okita. "Let's skip to the end of it."

 **Gin and Shinpachi were inside of the terminal, where all the Altana was spewing up from the ground.**

"What's Altana?" asked Kagura.

No one in the room knew. So they asked Sorachi.

He paused for a second, and then he wrote something.

"I have no clue tbh"

" **It's over, Gin-san! I have the high ground!" exclaimed Shinpachi.**

" **YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!" screamed Gin, in response, who jumped at Shinpachi.**

"And he's gonna get knocked into the Altana, isn't he," said Hijikata.

 **Shinpachi blocked his strike, and knocked an enraged Gin into the Altana. For a few minutes, Shinpachi just stared at the pool of Altana as tears streamed down his face. He had struck down his friend and business partner, who was like a second father to him.**

"Shinpachi, I didn't know you held me in such high regard," said Gin. "I don't think I tell this to you enough, but I really appreciate what you for the Yoruzuya."

"Aww!" cooed everyone in the room.

"Let me guess Gin-san," said Shinpachi. "You gambled away my paycheck."

"...No comment," replied Gin.

Shinpachi facepalmed.

 **Just as Shinpachi walked away, he heard a voice.**

" **Mugetsu."**

"WAIT WHAT THE HELL?!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "YOU CAN STILL DO THAT?!"

"Well, ever since Ichigo lost his powers I could," replied Gin. "Still don't know how to do the Final Getsuga Tensho though…"

"BUT ICHIGO GOT HIS POWERS BACK!" exclaimed Kagura. "HE HAD TO FIGHT YHWACH IN THE END!"

"Well, you got me there," replied Gin.

 **All of a sudden, an enormous blast of energy fired out of the side of the terminal, and proceeded to completely disintegrate Shinpachi's left arm.**

" **SHINPACHI!" exclaimed Gin, who was surrounded by an azure light.**

" **Gin-san?!" replied Shinpachi, in awe of Gin's power.**

" **AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!" screamed Gin as his body disintegrated from all of the power he absorbed.**

The room went silent. Gin wondered if they should start a counter for that sort of stuff. Then, Sorachi wrote something on a sign.

"That's it?"

"Well, that gave me blue balls," said Gin.

"I can help with that," replied Sacchan.

"Wait, there's still another chapter," said Shinpachi.

 **Chapter 2: Confronting the Kaiser**

"Oh, so it's Sougo versus the pair of glasses?" asked Hijikata.

"Don't be so rude, Toshi," replied Kondo. "That's my brother in law."

Tae punched Kondo in the stomach, rupturing his intestines and causing him to bleed to death. Sorachi promptly revived him.

 **Shinpachi hurried to the Palace of the Shogun, where Okita had taken over. On his way, he was stopped by the corpses of his friends, reanimated into zombies.**

" **Shinpachi…." they groaned. "Why did you abandon us…"**

" **Wait, why is Gin-san among them?" thought Shinpachi. "He literally destroyed his body…"**

"Um, you destroyed my body," said Gin.

"Excuse me, you're the one who tried to pull off the Final Getsuga Tensho!" replied Shinpachi.

 **Shinpachi decided to try something. He sat down and meditated. All of a sudden, his mind cleared. He could see clearly now.**

"He was already dead?" asked Gin.

"Shut up, Kenshiro," replied Hijikata.

 **He was sitting right in front of the Kaiser.**

" **I didn't expect you to come here," snarked Okita. "Must've cost you an arm and a leg."**

" **It's over, you damn sadist," replied Shinpachi. "Hand over Kagura!"**

"I'm not an object," said Kagura.

" **Okay," said Okita, who tossed over her unconscious body while laughing evilly.**

" **YOU BASTARD!" screamed Shinpachi. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!"**

" **Oh, it's quite simple," replied Okita. "I knocked her out and ra-"**

"Sougo," said Hijikata. "That is a new low, even for you.

"Like I said," replied Okita. "My standards aren't _that_ low."

Kagura kicked Okita in the balls so hard that he was rendered sterile. Sorachi quickly fixed it.

" **-pped about myself. Wanna hear my fire mixtape?"**

" **Uh…" replied Shinpachi.**

" **I'll take that as a yes," replied Okita.**

" **UH, UH, YEAH! LIL SOUGO IN THE HOUSE!"**

The entire room collectively had a brain aneurysm. Sorachi revived them all in an instant.

" **I'm Okita Sougo, and I'm here to stay,**

 **and everyone who crosses me well Imma Slay-"**

"Did he just rhyme Stay with Slay?" asked Katsura.

"AS IF YOU KNOW WHAT GOOD RAP IS," shouted Gin in reply. "YOUR KATSUCRAP IS 1000 TIMES WORSE THAN THIS SHIT!"

"Oh, is it?" asked Katsura, who busted out a boombox.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" screamed Gin.

"やるなら今しかね、Zura,

やるなら今しかね、Zura,

攘夷がJOY、

JOYが攘夷、

…"

"ELIZABETH!" exclaimed Katsura. "SING THE CHORUS!"

Elizabeth held up a sign.

"No"

"ELIZABETH!" shouted Zura again.

"IT'S NOT ZURA, IT'S KAT-"

Katsura was then erased from existence by Sorachi Hideaki, and then was promptly recreated as a giant pile of shit.

"CHANGE ME BACK!" exclaimed Katsura.

And so Katsura was changed back into a human, albeit a naked one.

"Pardon me," said Katsura, who went into Gin's room to pick out an outfit.

When he got back, everyone was looking at the screen intensely.

"What's going on?" asked Katsura.

"Okita-san and I are fighting!" replied Shinpachi.

 **Okita's precise strikes were hard to deal with, due to Shinpachi's missing arm,**

"And his lack of the high ground," noted Gin.

 **but he managed to keep up with him miraculously.**

 **But Okita looked bored.**

"He always looks bored," said Hijikata.

"That's because I could be doing better things," replied Okita. "Like killing you."

" **Enough with this plebeian crap," said Okita. "I wanna destroy you."**

" **I'd say the same thing," replied Shinpachi. "This is getting too easy."**

" **Well then," said Okita. "I'll release my Zanpakuto."**

" **Sharpen the Edge, Linkin Park."**

"Why is your Zanpakuto's name in English?" asked Gin.

 **All of a sudden, Okita's katana split into two, and a Metallic Ghost appeared behind him.**

''Ohhh, it's also a stand."

" **Not bad," said Shinpachi. "But I can do better."**

 **All of a sudden, dark purple lines ran up Shinpachi's body.**

" **Yin Seal, Release!"**

 **All of a sudden, Shinpachi's arm regenerated.**

"And it turns out I'm Namekian…" noted Shinpachi.

 **Okita conjured thousands of shuriken, which proceeded to home in on Shinpachi, who quickly jumped up to dodge them.**

"Damn," said Gin.

 **Shinpachi then used the force to throw the floor tiles at Okita, who quickly chopped them into pieces with his Katana.**

" **You're good," said Okita. "But not good enough."**

 **All of a sudden, Okita had a Baby with Green hair, riding on his shoulder.**

"Okita-san had a kid?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"As if," replied Okita.

"Yeah," said Hijikata. "Sougo would probably kill the poor woman after he was finished with her. **"**

" **Baby B◯◯◯, how's about we destroy him?"**

" **Ahdabu~" replied the Baby.**

"Why is it censored?" asked Gin. "I mean we can say 'Baby Beel' just fine."

" **Zebel Blast!" screamed Okita, as a demonic emblem appeared in front of Shinpachi, who quickly teleported away.**

 **Meanwhile in the corner, a blue-haired teenage girl was crying over the corpse of a black-haired teenage boy.**

" **YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!" she exclaimed. "I LOVED HIM! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL O◯◯?!"**

 **Okita smirked, and proceeded to behead the girl.**

"Wow," said Hijikata. "You really are a bastard."

 **A column of blood sprayed out from where her head used to be. And then her corpse exploded.**

"There's no kill like overkill," said Okita.

 **All of a sudden, a Giant Mecha lifted the roof off of Okita's palace.**

" **THIS IS MY TRUMP CARD!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "THE G◯◯◯◯◯ W◯◯◯!"**

"Wait, how am I piloting it?" asked Shinpachi.

" **D◯◯◯◯, THANK YOU!"**

" **No problem," replied the Pilot.**

"WHY IS DOMON KASSHU PILOTING THE DAMN THING?! HOW DID I MEET HIM?!"

 **The giant mecha proceeded to take out its beam rifle and shoot at Okita, who narrowly avoided each shot.**

" **I guess it's time to pull my trump card," winced Okita. He pulled out a bottle of milk, and started to drink it. After a few seconds, he started to wince in pain, and proceeded to drop to the ground.**

"So he's committing suicide?" asked Hijikata. "Shameful."

"But you make people commit suicide if they're caught reading Shonen Jump," replied Okita.

"That's because it's distracting and against the spirit of the Shinsengumi," said Hijikata.

"You would know from experience, Toshi," replied Gin.

 **Then, he spoke.**

" **Da."**

"What happened to him? Did he hit his head and forget how to speak?"

" **He fused with Baby B◯◯◯!" exclaimed Shinpachi.**

" **This is bad!" shouted the pilot in response.**

" **Dabuh," babbled Okita, now in S◯◯◯◯ M◯◯◯ T◯◯◯ form.**

"Wait, why didn't he call it something else?" asked Shinpachi. "He called Domon 'The pilot' and Kunieda 'The blue-haired teenage girl', so why wouldn't he call Super Milk Time something like 'Dairy Power'?"

 **Okita then took out the Mecha in one punch.**

" **Damn," Shinpachi thought. "I guess I have to call them."**

"Them…" pondered Gin. "So the entire Universal Century Gundam Canon?"

"Maybe the ANBU?" added Tae.

"Or the real Shinsengumi!" exclaimed Kagura.

"But we are the real Shinsengumi," said Kondo, who pouted a bit.

"Well, the real Kondo-san was just as ugly as you," noted Tae.

" **SPECIAL ESPERS: 'THE C◯◯◯◯◯◯◯', RELEASE!" exclaimed Shinpachi.**

 **Three pubescent girls suddenly teleported in front of him.**

"Shinpachi, why would you know teleporting teens?" asked Gin.

"And where can I find them?" asked Takechi.

"Not sure," replied Shinpachi. "And in prison, where you belong."

" **Geez, Shimura," said the red haired girl. "Only calling us when you need us."**

" **We're not your personal servants," said the blue haired girl.**

" **Although these two wouldn't mind providing you 'service'," said the white haired girl.**

"Shinpachi, I didn't think you'd raise them like this," said Gin.

"I wouldn't want to get 'service' from some 13 year old girls," replied Shinpachi.

"Clearly you're not a man of culture," stated Takechi.

"And clearly you're a man of the wrong culture," replied Kagura. "Damn Lolicon."

Takechi had given up on denying it. They wouldn't believe it even if heaven itself decreed that "Takechi Henpeita is not a pedophile."

" **OI!" exclaimed the blue haired girl.**

" **NOW ISN'T THE TIME FOR THIS!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "I need your help defeating this monster!"**

"I'm right here, you know," said Okita.

"And?" asked Kagura.

 **Okita merely smiled. All of a sudden, symbols appeared underneath Shinpachi's group.**

" **DABUHHHHH!" exclaimed Okita.**

" **A◯◯, quick!" shouted Shinpachi. The blue haired girl quickly teleported them away.**

" **K◯◯◯◯, restrain him with the pieces of the G◯◯◯◯◯ W◯◯◯!"**

" **Got it!" exclaimed the Red Haired Girl. "PSYCHIC BONDAGE RESTRAINTS!"**

"Why would 13 year old girls know about bondage?" asked Shinpachi.

"The internet," replied Gin. "Or from that deviant."

"The deviant who's gonna marry you," interjected Sacchan.

" **Alright!" shouted Shinpachi. "Now we need to finish him off with our ultimate attack!"**

" **Got it!" exclaimed the girls, who all hugged Shinpachi.  
** "Wait, what the hell?" said many people in the room, with some of the people looking at Shinpachi.

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Shin-chan, even if your interests are a tad unusual, just know that we all accept you for who you are," replied Tae.

"HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE ESTABLISHED THAT FANFICTION ISN'T REAL?!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

" **A◯◯, S◯◯◯◯, K◯◯◯◯…" said Shinpachi. "You are my moon, sun, and stars. Without you I have no reason for being."**

All of a sudden, a Marching Band filled with Brass and Percussion players started to play the theme from the movie "The Abyss".

"Is there a parade at this time of year?" asked Gin.

"Nah, I think it's to drive home the whole romance thing," replied Sakamoto.

"YES YES YES YES YES YES!" exclaimed Katsura. "E=mc2 was my favorite Crown show!"

The room stared at him in confusion.

"...It's something you wouldn't understand…"

All of a sudden, Sorachi Hideaki held up a sign.

"BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Katsura just scowled.

 **A light surrounded them, and then, they looked Okita in the eye.**

" **S◯◯◯◯◯!" they cried.**

" **Love!"**

" **Love!"**

" **Love!"**

" **Love!"**

 **The light grew even more bright.**

" **T◯◯◯◯◯◯◯◯!"**

 **A giant ball of energy vaporized Okita's body, as well as whatever planetary bodies ended up behind it.**

 **Kagura suddenly appeared in front of Shinpachi, and kissed him, much to the ire of The C◯◯◯◯◯◯◯.**

"How do I kiss him?" asked Kagura.  
"Dunno," replied Gin. "How would you kiss a pair of glasses?"

"Let's see," said Kagura, who took off Shinpachi's glasses. "Would it be on the lenses or on the bridge?"

"Oi!" exclaimed Shinpachi, who blindly reached in Kagura's direction. "Give them back!"

"Can you at least let me figure out how to kiss a pair of glasses?" asked Kagura.

"Hell no!" replied Shinpachi, who blindly reached out a second time. Unfortunately, his hand landed on Kagura's chest.

The two looked at each other in disbelief for a few seconds.

"So he does have the sister complex!" exclaimed Gin in surprise.

"What makes you say that?!" exclaimed Shinpachi and Tae in unison.

"It's simple, really," said Kondo. "They're both pretty, aggressive, and they both have flat-"

Tae punched Kondo so hard that the fabric of reality tore around where he was punched, and the rest of his body was sucked into the hole, kind of like Kakashi's Mangekyo Sharingan Jutsu.

"No, that was just me," said Takasugi, who revealed his Mangekyo Sharingan.

Sorachi wrote Kondo back into existence for a second time.

 **Otsu then proposed to him, and Nobume, Soyo, and Kyubei got divorces to confess their love to him.**

"Even for a fanfiction, this is unrealistic," snarked Gin.

 **Even Sacchan and Tae confessed to him.**

"EXCUSE ME?" exclaimed Sacchan. "WHY WOULD I FALL FOR THAT SCRAWNY NERD?! THAT'S SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS!"

"I think you're ignoring the more outrageous confession," replied Shinpachi.

 **In the end, Shinpachi decided to partake in Polygamy, and marry The C◯◯◯◯◯◯◯, Kagura, Otsu, Nobume, Soyo, Kyubei, Sacchan, Tae, Matako-**

"I WOULD NEVER BETRAY SHINSUKE SA-"

Takasugi quickly knocked her out with Tsukiyomi.

 **Tama-**

"She's a maid," said Gin. "Not a sex doll."

 **And pretty much every female on the Earth, except for Tsukuyo.**

"Thank god," sighed Tsukuyo.

 **Tsukuyo jumped into the Altana after her son was born, so that she could join her late Husband.**

"Awww true love," cooed Kagura.

 **Shinpachi had sex 300,000 times every night and was the richest and hottest man in the universe.**

"Shinpachi, did you write this?" asked Gin.

"No," replied Shinpachi. "I'd only date Otsu. And never my own sister."

"Even with your sister complex?" asked Gin.

"I don't have a sister complex!" exclaimed Shinpachi.

"Sure," replied Gin. "That's what someone with a sister complex would-"

Gin was punched so hard that he disintegrated. Sorachi revived him.

"I think the story's over," said Shinpachi. "Let's move on before anyone else gets killed."

All of a sudden, Sorachi stood up, and displayed his sign.

"fuck this I hate fanfiction now"

"Yeah, we understand," replied Katsura. "But at least you missed out on the worst of it."

Sorachi then farted, opening a portal to god knows where. He then walked through the portal while jotting down notes in a notebook.

The room went silent for a minute. If you were to drink for every time that line was written, then your liver would fail and you'd die.

"So, about your sister complex," said Kondo to Shinpachi.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" exclaimed Tae and Shinpachi, who punched him in unison. Kondo didn't suffer from any reality-altering injuries, surprisingly.

"Let's change the topic," said Gin, who clicked on another fanfiction. "This is starting to feel repetitive..."

* * *

 _ **Things I've done since I published the last chapter:**_

 _ **Finished the Beelzebub anime and manga**_

 _ **Finished the Zettai Karen Children and The Unlimited: Hyobu Kyosuke anime(s?)**_

 _ **Finished the Aho Girl anime**_

 _ **Passed 3 College Courses with A's (note: at the time of this being published I am/was a High School Senior)**_

 _ **Picked up Ocarina**_

 _ **Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Life has been busy. I might do a pilot for a ZKC abridged series if I can.**_

 _ **じゃね**_ _ **!**_


	23. Road to Ninja wasn't that bad of a movie

**Road to Silver Soul**

"Really?" groaned Gin. "Road to Ninja wasn't even that good."

"I kind of liked it," replied Shinpachi. "I thought the alternate versions of the characters were interesting."

"I still think that The Last was the best movie," muttered Gin.

 **By Titty Kubo**

"I don't think that's how you spell his name," said Shinpachi.

 **Synopsis: Gin gets transported to another universe, where people act the opposite of they normally would.**

"What, do the Tendoshu cast Infinite Tsukuyomi on the terminal?" snarked Gin. "Or does Oboro use Kyouka Suigetsu on me?"

" **You gotta be kidding me," said Gin, with a frown on his face. "I asked for Azuki Bean on my Donburi-**

"Disgusting," said Hijikata.

"Better than Mayonnaise," replied Gin, snarkily.

 **-and you give me the Shiro-an. What a joke."**

"But I like Shiro-an."

" **Jesus," replied Ikumatsu. "This is a Ramen Shop, why are you asking for Donburi?"**

"And I like her Ramen. And Zura likes her va-"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," replied Katsura.

" **Agh, screw this," said Gin frustratedly, storming out of Hokuto Ramen.**

" **YOU GOTTA PAY, DUMBASS!" shouted Ikumatsu, who threw the Donburi at his head.**

"Ouch," said Shinpachi.

 **The Bowl hit Gin on the head, and knocked him out.**

"So that's how he enters the Genjutsu World," noted Kagura.

"How fitting," replied Shinpachi, boredly.

 **When Gin came to, he saw a bespectacled woman.**

"Oh, god no," uttered Gin, who was horrified at the potential connotations.

"Oh yes yes yes yes mhmhmmm," said Sacchan enthusiastically.

" **Took you long enough to get up, you lazy idiot."**

Sacchan's aroused gaze turned into a blank stare.

"What."

"It's Road to Ninja, what did you expect?" asked Gin.

 **Gin was confused. Why wasn't Sarutobi trying to molest him like she normally does?**

"Why am I saying that like I miss being molested?"

"You don't?" asked Sacchan. "But you gotta relieve those urges in your pants somehow…"

 **Gin spoke. "Wait, you aren't trying to have sex with-"**

" **YOU?!" exclaimed Sacchan. "A LAZY BASTARD LIKE YOU WHO RUNS A BAR? HELL NO!"**

"So I run the Snack House, huh," said Gin.

"Yeah you'd run it," replied Otose. "Run it into the ground."

 **So he ran the snack house.**

" **WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH RUNNING A BAR, HUH?" replied Gin.**

" **YOUR LANDLORDS WHO DO ODD JOBS MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU!" replied Sacchan.**

" **WAIT, WHY IS THE OLD HAG RUNNING ODD JOBS?!" thought Gin as he begin to sweat.**

" **Geez, you're lucky Tsukuyo didn't get to you first," chided Sacchan.**

" **Wait, why?" asked Gin, who was confused.**

 **Sacchan slapped him.**

"A role reversal, huh," said Shinpachi.

"I'm open to new stuff," replied Sacchan. "Besides, I could always attach that toy for mine to a belt and use it as a stra-"

"Please, no," groaned Gin, who proceeded to guard his butt with his hand.

" **YOU IDIOT PERVERT!" she shouted. "I FIGURED YOU'D WANT TSUKUYO TO DO THIS AND THAT WITH YOU!"**

"GIN-CHAN AND TSUKKI SITTING IN A TREE!" shouted Kagura.

" **Wait a minute," thought Gin. "I own the snack house, Sacchan is a tsundere-**

"The dominant partner," said Sacchan in a correcting manner.

" **-and apparently Tsukuyo wants to screw me."**

Tsukuyo groaned. She was somewhat frustrated with the fact that she kept getting paired with that perm-head. She didn't love him, or his protective nature, or even his…

Okay, maybe she did love him. But she was good at denying it. At least, she thought she was.

 **Gin tried to run outside, but tripped and fell onto the floor, landing face first.**

" **Dammit Gin-san," said a black haired teenage boy. "You've been drinking again, haven't you?"**

 **Gin looked up. The boy seemed familiar, but he couldn't remember where he had seen him.**

" **Uh, who are you again?" Gin asked.**

" **God dammit," said the Teen.**

" **It's Shinpachi."**

 **Gin looked up in shock. The teen wasn't wearing his glasses.**

"WAIT, HE'S NOT WEARING HIS GLASSES?!" exclaimed Gin.

The entire room gasped in shock.

"OI!" exclaimed Shinpachi. "WHY IS _THAT_ SUCH A BIG DEAL?!"

" **Really Gin-san, stop drinking so much. You shouldn't be addicted to your own product."**

" **Hey, where's Kagura?" asked Gin.**

" **Why do you want to know where Kamui-kun's sister is?" asked Shinpachi. "Are you some sort of lolicon now?"**

"Wait, Kamui-kun?" asked Shinpachi.

"Are you two gay lovers or something?" snarked Okita.

" **KAMUI CAME TO EARTH INSTEAD OF KAGURA?!" thought Gin. "I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE'D BE A GIRLY KAGURA WITH BIGGER BOOBS, BUT-**

"I'm not surprised. She does take after her brother in that rega-"

Okita was sent flying into the wall.

 **-I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS!"**

" **Oh right, I sometimes get the two mixed up."**

" **How can you get the two mixed up?" asked Shinpachi, sarcastically. "Kamui is a nice young man who works hard at the bar, while Kagura blows up planets and gets drunk despite the fact that she's only 14."**

" **Oh damn," thought Gin. "Harusame Kagura must have even more issues than Kamui."**

"Oh dear," said Tae. "I hope she isn't doing anything scandalous…"

"I doubt she's sleeping around," said Okita.

"For once, I agree with him," noted Kagura.

"Mostly cause no one would want to-"

Kagura swung at Okita, who blocked it.

"You think I'm gonna keep getting tossed around?" asked Okita.

"Yea," said Kagura, mockingly. "Watch."

Kagura then suplexed him.

"Oh," said Okita. "Is that all?"

"Wait wha-"

Kagura was cut off by Okita suplexing her.

And so she returned the favor. And so he did too. This continued until they turned into a spinning ball, not unlike Sonic the Hedgehog.

"OI, SLOW DOWN!" exclaimed Gin. "YOU'LL DESTROY THE FLOOR!"

And not a second later, they fell through the floor and rolled out of Snack Otose, into the streets, at the speed of sound.

"I'll deal with it," said Hijikata, who pulled out his phone. "Oi Tetsu, go get the giant truck."

"Why do we have a giant truck?" asked Kondo, acting like the straight man for once.

"Beats me," replied Hijikata.

 **As Gin made his way back to the Snack House, he noticed some changes. Most notably, Edo was called "Tokyo", and there was a "Prime Minister" named Shige Abe, who was apparently the youngest person elected to the position.**

"So it's just Gintaman?" asked Gin. "Gintaman is overrated. The humor is too random and there's no cool fights."

Shinpachi facepalmed. He was too tired to bust out the Tsukkomi and Boke routine.

 **Tokyo looked more futuristic than Edo, but there were still Amanto walking around, going about their business. As Gin walked past a TV store, an ad played.**

" **Tired of the illegal aliens taking our jobs? Tired of taxes leaving you flat broke? Fear not! Vote for Donald Zurump, the champion of the common people!"**

" **IT'S NOT DONALD ZURUMP, IT'S KATSURAAAAAA!"**

"I didn't think you would do politics, Zura."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura." replied Katsura.

"And if I could overthrow the Bakufu without violence, then I would."

"Why didn't you run off with Tatsuma and mine coin and trade in space so you could buy the Government?" asked Gin.

Katsura pondered for a few moments.

But by the time he came up with an answer everyone was already invested in the fanfiction.

" **Fitting," thought Gin. "What about Takasugi?"**

" **In other news, the terrorist cell 'Kiheitai' have engaged in combat with Russian Federation troops on the Chishima Islands."**

"Russia? Those guys ruled by a Tsar?" asked Takasugi.

"We'd take them down, no sweat!" replied Matako.

" **Not surprising," thought Gin.**

" **Gin-san, why haven't you been talking to me?" asked Shinpachi, who Gin had just noticed was walking with him.**

" **Uh…" started Gin, before being cut off by a woman who jumped into Shinpachi's arms.**

"How much did that cost?" asked Gin.

" **Shinpachi-kun, I'm so glad to see you!" said the woman, as she kissed his cheek.**

"300000円?".

" **Otsuu-chan, not in public, it's so embarrassing!" replied Shinpachi, blushing.**

"Nevermind, that's an underestimate."

" **Unbelievable," thought Gin.**

"I find myself agreeing with that sentiment."

 **But when he dropped into the bar he quickly found a sight that wouldn't be out of place in a romantic sitcom, or Naruto.**

"A what?" asked Kagura.

"Dunno," replied Gin.

" **Wow Okita-kun, you're so cool!" said the woman in the pink kimono.**

" **Hmph," replied the crimson eyed man.**

" **Aw Tae-chan," said the Red Haired youth. "I'm cool too, and not a dick."**

" **Shut it, assface!" replied Tae, who punched him in the face.**

"She'd probably break her fist on me," snarked Kamui.

Tae proceeded to prove him wrong

by breaking his arm with her fist.

"That's one hell of a fistbump, captain," snarked Abuto.

 **A blue haired woman quietly reassured him with "You'll get her eventually, Kamui-kun," while secretly longing for him.**

"Who are you again?" asked Nobume.

"I could ask you the same thing," replied Kamui.

 **Gin couldn't believe it. It was a "Hinata loves Naruto who loves Sakura who loves Sasuke who maybe loves Naruto" scenario. Normally, these four wouldn't associate with each other, but now, they were acting like Shonen Jump protagonists, despite one of them literally being a sadist and another one being a space pirate who killed numerous people.**

 **And they were drinking and having the time of their life.**

 **Gin's train of thought was interrupted by the distinct feeling of two jiggly lumps on his back.**

" **Hey big boy," the stranger teased. "I'll give you all of this for free~"**

 **Gin turned around.**

 **It was just as Sacchan warned him.**

 **Tsukuyo, acting like a normal resident of Yoshiwara.**

"KAGURA, SHUT UP!" exclaimed Tsukuyo, only to find that there was no Kagura.

"She didn't say anything," said Gin. "She's not even here."

Tsukuyo looked around.

The brat wasn't there.

Tsukuyo started to speak. "Oh, well I uh-"

"Whatever," interrupted Gin. "I think she-"

"YOU COULD AT LEAST LISTEN TO ME, YOU IDIOT!" exclaimed Tsukuyo, who suplexed him.

"Tsundere," whispered Katsura to Sakamoto. "That's a tsundere."

"Maybe she's just really angry," replied Sakamoto, quietly. "We don't know until we try something."

All of a sudden, Sakamoto walked up to Tsukuyo.

"Can I suck on your-"

"No," Tsukuyo replied, bluntly.

Katsura, noticing that Sakamoto was testing his theory, walked up after him.

"Can I suck on your-"

"No," Tsukuyo again replied, bluntly.

Sakamoto then whispered something to Gin, who shook his head in disagreement. But then Sakamoto whispered something else to Gin, which caused Gin to stop shaking his head.  
Then, Gin spoke.

"Can I suck on your-"

"HELL NO YOU PERVERT!" exclaimed Tsukuyo, who threw Gin towards his desk.

"I believe you now," whispered Sakamoto. "She's a tsundere."

 **Gin was debating on it. He didn't mind her body-**

"YOU DEGENERATE!"

"I DIDN'T EVEN SAY THAT IN REAL LIFE!"

 **And she didn't seem to be as violent as she was in the real world.**

 **But would he tap that?**

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAP ME!"

"I DON'T WANT TO GET TAPPED BY YOUR DRUNKEN TERMINATOR ASS EITHER!"

The rest of the room looked in awe at the spectacle.

"Domestic abuse isn't nice, Tsukuyo-san," deadpanned Tae.

"Like you're one to talk," snarked Hijikata.

 **Fuck it, he would tap that.**

 **He started to kiss Tsukuyo passionately.**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tsukuyo.

"I'm not really into that either, to be honest," said Gin.  
Then, Katsura accidentally elbowed Tsukuyo's leg.

This caused her to trip on top of Gin.

And her face slammed into his.

Which caused her lips to inadvertently touch his.

They fucking kissed.

"We. Kissed." thought Tsukuyo, who was shocked, but perhaps slightly pleased.

Sacchan was of course pissed, especially since she didn't kiss him, but a prostitute, an alien, and a fucking robot did.

"DIE!" screamed Sacchan, like a banshee, lunging at Tsukuyo.

However, she missed, and hit Gin in the face with her face.

They fucking kissed.

"OH BABY YESSSS!" screamed Sacchan in ecstasy.

That had been the fourth one in the span of 24 hours.

Must've been a new record.

This was then interrupted by the wheel of violence (Okita and Kagura suplexing each other repeatedly) crashing through the wall.

Sacchan, using her ninja powers, literally teleported out of the way, but Gin wasn't so lucky.

Somehow, Kagura's face managed to crash into his. A few seconds later, so did Okita's face.

That made six.

Gin's head flew backwards into Kyubei's lap.

She reacted as you'd expect.

Gin was then thrown into Tae's face.

Seven.

She proceeded to throw him back at Kyubei.

Eight.

Kyubei, even more enraged, threw Gin at Hijikata.

Nine.

Finally, Gin just decided to stay on the ground where he had landed after rebounding off of Hijikata, and passed out.

Then Katsura went to Gin's room, and came out with a blanket, which he then proceeded to cover Gin with.

And then he tucked him in and gave him a goodnight kiss.

Ten.

The entire room stopped and stared at Katsura.

"What's wrong? I tuck in all the people at the Joi headquarters and give them a goodnight kiss."

"Zura, that's gay," deadpanned Sakamoto.

"I'm not gay, I'm Katsura," replied Katsura.

"That's not what Nizo told me," snarked Takasugi.

"I wasn't the one who was a tsundere to Gintoki," replied Katsura.

"Oh please," said Okita. "We all know that Hijikata here is in love with boss."

"Excuse me?!" exclaimed Hijikata in shock.

"Yeah, look at all of the yaoi doujinshi I found online, plus all the crap on here," replied Okita, who proceeded to show the results from the google search "GinHiji" to the rest of the people there.

Tae proceeded to pass out from blood loss.

Most other people gave horrified looks.

Then Gin got up.

"Shit, I just realized something…"

The entire room looked at Gin.

"If Souichiro kissed me, and Kagura kissed me, that means they indirectly kissed each other."

Kagura and Okita proceeded to enter violent fits of bleeding and foaming at the mouth once again.

"But that also means that Hijikata indirectly kissed him as well."

Hijikata went to the toilet and vomited.

"And Kyubei and Tae indirectly kissed too."

Kyubei had a nosebleed.

"And also-"

All of a sudden, Gin was tackled by Kondo.

"PLEASE LET ME KISS YOU, I WANNA KISS OTAE-SAN, EVEN IF IT'S INDIRECTLY!"

"I'd rather not," deadpanned Tae, who kicked him into the wall.

However, due to the laws of physics being against Gin at that particular moment, she fell onto his body like some sort of Ecchi comedy.

They looked at each other.

Gin had this bored look on his face.

Tae had a mildly disgusted look on hers.

"I'm really not feeling it today," said Gin.

"Same here," replied Tae.

She then got off of him, only to then trip and fall on to the ground.

"I think we should skip this part of the fic," said Shinpachi. "I'm really tired of hearing stuff like 'Gin-san made out with 3 women' and other stuff like that."

"Is that cause you're not getting in on the action?" snarked Gin in reply.

"Who's the one dating Otsu?"

Gin couldn't argue with that logic.

" **It's over, Samurai!" screamed Kagura in her insanity. "I have the heart of Shoyou-**

"Didn't we all have Shoyo-sensei's heart?" asked Katsura. "He cared for us like kids."

"Maybe she means his actual heart," replied Gin.

"Gross."

 **and Benizakura!**

"Oh jeez, that sounds horrifying."

 **And I also have all 7 dragon balls, the Infinity Gauntlet, and all 6 infinity stones!**

"Oh god, that sounds even more horrifying."

 **I'VE EVEN AWAKENED BANKAI ON BENIZAKURA, AND SAGE MODE WITHIN MYSELF!**

"Oh for fuck's sake, hurry up."

 **Gin knew one thing was for certain.**

 **He was fucked.**

"I think fucked is a bit of an understatement."

 **But all of a sudden, Gin's friends showed up.**

" **We're here to back you up!" said Shinpachi and Otsu!**

" **Who else would be here to reign in my crazy bitch of a sister?" asked Kamui, who was carrying Nobume bridal style.**

" **I'M JUST HERE TO STOP HER FROM KILLING US ALL, NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE!" screamed Sacchan.**

" **I just want some of your d-"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tsukuyo.

" **As officers of the police, we're here to do our duty; to protect the people!" announced Kondo.**

" **Also, I wanna kill some shit," added Hijikata.**

" **I wanna get back home to my girlfriend, Tae Sh-"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kondo.

" **Wow," thought Gin. "They're all here for me."**

" **SO WHAT, SAMURAI?!" screamed Kagura. "YOUR FRIENDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME!"**

 **She then snapped her fingers.**

"What does that do?" asked Gin.

"Probably nothing," said Sakamoto.

" **Oh please, woman," snarked Hijikata. "What does that d-"**

 **All of a sudden, Hijikata turned into dust as he was speaking.**

" **Kamui-kun, I-"**

 **Nobume turned to dust in Kamui's arms.**

" **This looks bad, boss," said Okita.**

" **Don't worry, Sougo, we'll push through this and-"**

 **Kondo turned into dust.**

" **You idiot!" shouted Sacchan as she jumped towards him.**

 **All of a sudden, her legs started to turn into dust.**

" **I WAS ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!" screamed Sacchan as more and more of her turned to dust.**

" **Same here!" shouted Tsukuyo nonchalantly as she turned to dust as well.**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tsukuyo.

"YES!" screamed Kagura, who had somehow recovered from her epileptic fits.

" **Gin-san, I don't feel too good," groaned Shinpachi.**

"This seems familiar," said Gin.

"Yeah, it's like that scene in Infinity War where-"

"WAIT, I DIDN'T SEE INFINITY WAR YET!" shouted Shinpachi.

"Oh yeah, Kagura and I went to see it while you were at the Otsuu concert," replied Gin.

"THEN DON'T SPOIL IT!"

"The rest of this fic is just Infinity War spoilers," noted Gin.

"Guess we're finding a new one, then," sighed Hijikata in exasperation.

And so they went to find a new fic.

* * *

 **Sorry for not getting this up on the fic's 2nd anniversery (June 6th)**

 **I really want to end this soon. Like, I'm going to college now and I'm probably not gonna have time to work on this.**

 **Thanks for putting up with this past year of irregular updates.**

 **And I seriously appreciate all reviews that I get. For real, I love it when I get notified of a review and it's something like "hey that's pretty good" and I just wanna jump for joy. So yeah, thanks for reviewing this and providing me feedback and suggestions.**

 **じゃね!**


End file.
